16 year old son playing Xbox all night!

supermum38

I can't get back to sleep now. I have just woken up again and noticed my youngest is still awake watching tv in his room and on his laptop. The dog woke me when his older brother came in at 3am from work and I came down to find the youngest still playing his Xbox so sent him to bed.

This has become an every night occurence now. The problem is he sleeps all day, has breakfast at 3pm and the cycle starts again.

He is doing a media course and is due back on Monday but don't think he'll be going. I would normally force him but he does have a nasty cold. However I think he is milking it.

He called in sick to work yesterday and I know they would have sent him home anyway. My eldest had the same cold and because they work at the same place (fast food), they sent him home when he was ill so would have done the same with my youngest.

The problem has been getting worse over the last 6 months. He got through his GCSE's and passed 9 without trying but it's been downhill ever since. He left Army Cadets at the end of last year and now only leaves the house for work or his course.

I have tried talking to him and setting reasonable limits but the minute my back is turned, he does what he wants. It is not easy for me to monitor him all the time.

I have Fibromyalgia and at the moment I am actually sleeping 12 straight hours with the help of my meds, but it's a fragile balance. Just a night like tonight could now throw me and if I confronted him before I went to bed I probably wouldn't be able to get to sleep. I am a single parent and his brother works most nights so I have nobody to help me. When I work night shifts, my youngest is here alone.

I honestly don't know what to do next? I did once change settings on the router but I can't seem to figure out how to do this on the new Sky router? I did threaten him with counselling if things didn't change but I'm afraid, he'll just make empty promises, if I try again then slip back into his old ways.

Please be gentle. This is a very delicate and complex situation and I have run out of ideas.

little-spender

OP, From your previous posts you are doing a OU course, working nights( I assume 8 hours) and sleeping 12 h a day.....I dont know how long you have being doing this, but when do you have time for your son.
It seems like he is being left to parent himself.

If you really want to limit his Xbox time , then either pull the plug (internet) or spend a bit of time with him outwith the xbox......

I understand that you have a pretty bad illness, Fibro is a really debilitating illness, and people don't really see the true effects of it, this probably affects your son more than you would think, If there is a lack of motivation in the house, that rubs off.

How much more can you get the older boy to interact with the youngest?

Is he on with his friends(xbox live) , this is still a form of socializing, maybe not to us ,but to this younger generation it is.

custardy

supermum38 wrote: »

I can't get back to sleep now. I have just woken up again and noticed my youngest is still awake watching tv in his room and on his laptop. The dog woke me when his older brother came in at 3am from work and I came down to find the youngest still playing his Xbox so sent him to bed.

This has become an every night occurence now. The problem is he sleeps all day, has breakfast at 3pm and the cycle starts again.
Well this is down to you to break
He is doing a media course and is due back on Monday but don't think he'll be going. I would normally force him but he does have a nasty cold. However I think he is milking it.
A nasty cold? Get to school!

He called in sick to work yesterday and I know they would have sent him home anyway. My eldest had the same cold and because they work at the same place (fast food), they sent him home when he was ill so would have done the same with my youngest.
I would expect him to go to work and work to make that call. This shows his employer he is trying despite being ill. I dont class a cold as as particularly debilitating
The problem has been getting worse over the last 6 months. He got through his GCSE's and passed 9 without trying but it's been downhill ever since. He left Army Cadets at the end of last year and now only leaves the house for work or his course.
Is being home too comfy? chores?
I have tried talking to him and setting reasonable limits but the minute my back is turned, he does what he wants. It is not easy for me to monitor him all the time.
Is he playing online? Time to enforce limits on internet access.
FRom there escalate,removal of physical items if neeeds be.

I have Fibromyalgia and at the moment I am actually sleeping 12 straight hours with the help of my meds, but it's a fragile balance. Just a night like tonight could now throw me and if I confronted him before I went to bed I probably wouldn't be able to get to sleep. I am a single parent and his brother works most nights so I have nobody to help me. When I work night shifts, my youngest is here alone.
Does he know what you are going through?
I honestly don't know what to do next? I did once change settings on the router but I can't seem to figure out how to do this on the new Sky router? I did threaten him with counselling if things didn't change but I'm afraid, he'll just make empty promises, if I try again then slip back into his old ways.
This sort of stuff is easy. post on the tech board and basic router set ups can be covered,onto 'nanny' software etc

Please be gentle. This is a very delicate and complex situation and I have run out of ideas.

By my answers,you probably get a flavour of my views
At 16 Im a great believer in nipping that sort of behaviour in the bud. My OH has a niece who is 22,and has worked about 3 months since leaving school(however with no real grades)

supermum38

Custardy, I welcome your comments and expected some 'harsh' replies.
I have always been a 'tough' mum. Sending them to school regardless of the 'tummy hurting'. They both had 100% attendance at school and would send them with a cold. My answer was always 'they'll send you home if it's that' bad'.

But since they both left school, I have treated them like adults. Telling them they have to sort their own lives out. My eldest has done this with little help from me but my youngest is so much more difficult.

If me eldest gets involved it can get nasty. Yesterday eldest turned off xbox and told him to help us put stuff in the loft. Youngest expoloded and because I avoid confrontation, told eldest to leave it. I just can't take the stress. I've tried reasoning with my youngest and he agrees to try to just slides back into his old habits. I have explained my illness to both of them and they know I need to work but I still have to kick my youngest out of bed for work and college whereas my eldest managed this himself.

There is a real issue with their relationship with their father and my eldest seems to have dealt with it now but my youngest tends to ignore anything that affects him emotionally and won't talk about things. He is also overweight and only moves from his xbox to get something to eat.

It's not like he hasn't seen the consequences. A couple of years ago at Xmas, my friends son tried to hang himself. He was 24 and played WOW all the time and didn't work. He had a 'virtual girlfriend' who dumped him online and so he threw himself off a bannister with a rope around his neck. Thankfully, he recovered but I have reminded my youngest of this numerous times.

When I work, I give him chores and times to be in bed. I ring him in the morning to make sure he's up and going to college. It's all I can do. I am so disappointed he left cadets as well because this meant he had weekends away and other activitied that took him away from the Xbox but he made the decision to leave and had to accpet it was his 'adult' decision. I know he was getting grief about his size there so I understand why.

I am right now looking for technical help for the Sky hub, but haven't found anything I understand yet.

custardy

post up what router you have here if you want,or post a thread on the tech board.
Dont rule out the low tech take the router away option

As you know,nobody can give you the answers. Though Im guessing you avoiding confrontation is something that frustrates your oldest and feeds the youngest

supermum38

little-spender, you are right of course. I am very busy and don't spend much time with him but this is really his choice and I use the time for myself. It may sound selfish but I am trying to find a career for when they both leave home.

I have been working night shifts for an agency since last July. Thankfully after his GCSE's so I was able to control his use of the Xbox then.

I was out of work from the March and when it came to getting him ready for college I realised I was going to be responsible for his travel. The College is 2.8 miles so he wouldn't qualify for travel assistance and being on ESA I would struggle to cover the travel costs unless I worked so took the only job I was offered. Because it is with an agency, I can work 5 nights in a row and do nothing the next week so it's difficult to plan ahead.

He then dropped out of the course, saying he didn't like it. The college couldn't get him on another course and after numerous calls I managed to get him on a course in another town. We applied for a bursary but we did not get the notification until the end of term and it turns out he doesn't get the full travel from them (I was paying £55 a week so had to be working!) so now I have applied to the county council to make up the difference.

I might be sleeping 12hours a day at the moment but that is only because work has gone quiet over Xmas. I also sleep more in winter anyway. When I do the night shifts I hardly see him. He knows why I do this, but doesn't seem to want to make any effort in return. I have tried just talking but I get nowhere.

kazwookie

Turn the internet off at night, and remove the plugs / leads to your room over night.

Remove the xbox, after helping out the son gets it back, and he needs to learn to respect you.............

supermum38

kazwookie wrote: »

Turn the internet off at night, and remove the plugs / leads to your room over night.

That wouldn't be fair on either of them if I'm heading off for a night shift at 7pm?

emsywoo123

supermum38 wrote: »

That wouldn't be fair on either of them if I'm heading off for a night shift at 7pm?

Good god, tough! The internet isn't a god given right! Eldest maybe understanding that it's needed to break the cycl, and if he got in at 3am, surely he is working evenings/nights too?

Sorry OP, I know you're ill, but IMO you are going to have to be a damn site stricter.

HPoirot

He is 16, why does he have to make adult decisions before he can understand them and their consequences?

Did you for instance sit down and talk to him about his options when he wanted to leave the cadets? I wouldn't underestimate a parent's guidance at the age of 16. Leaving him to make adult decisions is just absolving you of the parenting that goes with it IMO.

HPoirot

custardy wrote: »

Im guessing you avoiding confrontation is something that frustrates your oldest and feeds the youngest

^^^ This.

I agree with others stricter parenting is needed here.