Everybody needs time out

ska_lover

OP, he sounds a good bloke, doing the breakfast thing whilst you sleep- before he goes off to work for the day.

He is just unwinding by chatting - perhaps destressing before he goes home. He doesn't get a lot of time to himself either, a couple of hours down the pub every few weeks is not really enough.

I cannot imagine doing 9 hours in my job and then feeling enthused about going home to a house in uproar - sorry but I really cant imagine looking forward to it at all, and I am a female.

I don't really understand why 5-6pm are so stressful for you but I think you need to take the stress off this particular hour somehow. If it is because you are cooking whilst the children are around, is it really THAT big a deal? Can you not plan ahead and prep food throughout the day? How do you cope at lunchtime? How is 5-6pm any more stressful than breakfast time?

Not tit for tat, but I do think you need an outlet yourself, a hobby or something for yourself away from the house

fluffnutter

5 - 6pm is awful. My worst time of day with the toddler. They just flick a switch and go bonkers.

SavingPennies_2

ska_lover wrote: »

OP, he sounds a good bloke, doing the breakfast thing whilst you sleep- before he goes off to work for the day.

He is just unwinding by chatting - perhaps destressing before he goes home. He doesn't get a lot of time to himself either, a couple of hours down the pub every few weeks is not really enough.

I cannot imagine doing 9 hours in my job and then feeling enthused about going home to a house in uproar - sorry but I really cant imagine looking forward to it at all, and I am a female.

I don't really understand why 5-6pm are so stressful for you but I think you need to take the stress off this particular hour somehow. If it is because you are cooking whilst the children are around, is it really THAT big a deal? Can you not plan ahead and prep food throughout the day?How do you cope at lunchtime? How is 5-6pm any more stressful than breakfast time?

Not tit for tat, but I do think you need an outlet yourself, a hobby or something for yourself away from the house

The house he is going home to is his own, his wife and children, he shouldnt be not looking forward to it or unenthused?! If he is avoiding them then there are issues to be resolved beyond the staying back for cups of tea.

I do agree however there could be ways to solve the cooking problem like getting all the prep done while the kids are at school?

peachyprice

foolofbeans wrote: »

Just to even things out - he does get up early with the kids and will usually get their breakfast while I have another half hour in bed most mornings. Is that my "me time" that I'm wasting?

I can't really see what you have to complain about then. If you see getting a lie every morning as a 'waste', well, perhaps you need to change your perspective.

ska_lover

SavingPennies wrote: »

The house he is going home to is his own, his wife and children, he shouldnt be not looking forward to it or unenthused?! If he is avoiding them then there are issues to be resolved beyond the staying back for cups of tea.

I do agree however there could be ways to solve the cooking problem like getting all the prep done while the kids are at school?

I am not saying it's right or wrong, All I am saying is that it doesn't sound overwhelmingly relaxing. Some people need a wind down after a stressful day, not plunged into the deep end of another stressful situation., I wouldnt be looking forward to it either. I use my drive home to 'wind down' as it takes 45 mins, but OPs husband is just winding down I am sure - it doesnt sound as if anything to overly worry about. He just wants to wind down and come home when things are more relaxed.

I was under the impression we were talking of pre school children, but if they are at school all day, I don't understand the reason for this thread be honest

heartbreak_star

The term "slipped up" also sounds like he was scared he'd get told off if he mentioned it to the OP...

HBS x

LannieDuck

ska_lover wrote: »

I am not saying it's right or wrong, All I am saying is that it doesn't sound overwhelmingly relaxing. Some people need a wind down after a stressful day, not plunged into the deep end of another stressful situation., I wouldnt be looking forward to it either. I use my drive home to 'wind down' as it takes 45 mins, but OPs husband is just winding down I am sure - it doesnt sound as if anything to overly worry about. He just wants to wind down and come home when things are more relaxed.

I was under the impression we were talking of pre school children, but if they are at school all day, I don't understand the reason for this thread be honest

Perhaps the OP would also like to wind down at 5pm after a stressful day?

As for why dinner's more stressful, it does depend on the age of the children. I'm assuming pre-school, but may be wrong. IME, breakfast time is a time of happy children, playing with toys for the first time that day, hungry but with food that's quick to prepare, so easy to get them sorted and sat down at a table eating as they're supposed to. 5-6pm is the time when they're bored of their toys, they're getting tired, crotchety and want to be entertained, but OP has to be in the kitchen sorting out food. They really don't compare... at least in my experience.

fluffnutter

Many many men (and women) no doubt go for a pint after work. A way of winding down, of bridging the work day and the home day. It probably stops them walking in the door in a foul mood. It takes time to adjust between roles, particularly if both your working day and your home life is stressful. The OP's OH has just chosen a slightly more healthy approach by leaving out the pint

I see no problem with this at all. Nope, the problem is that the OP doesn't have something similar, that she feels unsupported particularly at the time of day she finds most stressful. There are easy compromises and changes to be made here. All it takes is a bit of communication.

foolofbeans

Yes children are pre-school. One just started at nursery for 2 days a week so I do have time on my own when the little one has a nap during the day.
I work from home and so any free time tends to get taken up with that. Although part time I do seem to spend more time than I should on the work.

I've spoken to OH about it and said he shouldn't feel like he has to ask for free time (like when he goes to the pub he asks for permission lol) but I did say that time of the day is mad hour. He said I could go out at the weekend if I want but I would just like an hour or 2 alone in the house to just potter. He has offered to take the kids out for a couple of hours so it's a good outcome.
Thank you all for your comments.

AlexLK

Be thankful it's a hour after work then he's home. My wife often disappears to her brother's after work and doesn't turn up until the early hours of the morning, leaving me with our three year old son. Not a nice experience when it is usually Mummy who puts him to bed.

As for yourself, do you have no hobbies of your own? If not, find some.