Third Time's a Charm...

Ellidee

kj you are a wonderful strong lady and I salute you for the way you are dealing with everything. I am lost in admiration. Xxxx

grannyx2

^^^ seconded

your resilience in the face of such turmoil is a wonder to behold.

I think being honest with people is the right way to go, it would be so much more exhausting to attempt to hide it

Granny x

AlexLK

Glad you're doing OK given the circumstances.

Sun_Addict

Don't give up hope kj - remember Mr SA's no hope scenario last summer when the chemo didn't work. Good thinking to get everything in order though! Something everyone should do really whether they're ill or not.

Karmacat

Honesty and realism, absolutely, kissjenn, thats the way to go through all of this, I'm sure. It must have been very tough emotionally for you, though - I'm not surprised its caught up with you, as well as everything else.

SA makes a good point as well, though - her OH was given no hope in the summer, and as her sig says, he was in remission by the December. Good doctors are the first to admit they don't know or understand everything about this ... I'm working with people who were given short term terminal diagnoses more than 20 years ago. It must be hard to hope when they're telling you the things they're telling you - 'hard' is a stupid understatement, I can't think of any few words that can express just how difficult it must be for you right now. But my thoughts, and my positive vibes, are with you right now.

And on that note, I hope that dinner with your friends who've offered the power of attorney (and how wonderful! three of them altogether!!) is enjoyable, as well as covering the ground that needs to be covered.

HOK3Y

I don't post much at the moment but I had a need to find your diary tonight. Totally shell shocked and I cannot imagine how you are still here, still posting, still grasping some semblance of sanity. My word, I doff my hat to you, kissjen. What an incredible lady you are. I am sure I am merely echoing the sentiments of everyone else when I say I wish I could reach out and hug you, wave a magic wand and put it all right. This qwerty keypad sure isn't coming up with anything that remotely resembles the feeling of my heart dropping through my stomach.

All I can do is lift you up in prayer, in mind, and in heart. And I will. Sending you love, positivity, peace and a whole lot of whoop-a$$ for you to unleash on that rubbish they call cancer. Xx

kissjenn

Hi guys.

SA you're very right. I think the maxim is "Plan for the worse and hope for the best".

Was up at hospital today and consultant radiologist explained that once they had the scans they could see almost all of it was in the pre-treated areas. As they can only do each area once that was little benefit in blasting the 10% or so given the side effects. Also if it continues to grow they like to keep that treatment up their sleeves.

I agree with everything they said and did explain that I knew we couldn't cross fields but it was worth a shot to see where the tumours lay. No hard feelings just regret it's not possible.

Had a long session with the breast care nurse discussing next steps. There are tumours showing in the ct done last week that weren't in the one done a fortnight before that. This means it's growing very fast. If it doesn't metastistise it may instead start to push on my heart and lungs and compromise my blood vessels and muscles. They've confirmed it's inoperable as it's too spread out and attaching to muscles.

So chemo it is. Bloods and flu shot on Monday then Hickman Friday and wait for start date. We evaluate throughout and adapt treatment accordingly. They're looking for trial I can join as well but nothing fits at the moment.

On a plus MSE note looks like 2 of the empty 3 flats may be let and the council's starting to ask me about the evictions for the two chronic non-payers (13 months each and counting). That would be a huge weight off my mind.

Can't remember if I said I resigned on Tuesday. Boss says he'll have me back no probs when I fit and finished chemo. He's a lovely man.

Husky, kittens, SB and Grandad are all fit and well.

Oh and final MSE act tonight...large batch of Twinks Hobnobs made :j and some eaten

Sun_Addict

Obviously the hob nobs turned out ok then! Let's hope you're fit and well asap to take advantage of your job back! Keep us posted. Sending loads and loads of positive vibes your way!

kissjenn

Thanks SA.

Phoned GP this morning and I'm seeing her after the nurse on Monday. I'm going to get all my ducks lined up. So if I do get sick, let's get a driver in fast. If the pain ramps up We can get me back on morphine tablets. If hospital use steroids we start rechecking my bloods and balance my insulin etc.

One positive is that 3rd time round I know what I'm looking for. I'll also need weekly visits to do the line but the District Nurses are great at that.

I'm going to my crispy chicken pasta for dinner with garlic bread and salad. So will pop out and collect the bits required. Very least I can do if my friends are prepared to stand as powers of attorney. They've been talking amongst themselves anyway to agree how best to make sure there's coverage. I'm a lucky wee soul really.

I've a few M&S vouchers so I'll use them to get dinner, pants for SB and a throw for the couch. Hopefully by an NSD or thereabouts.

Mara_uk7

Make the couch throw a big soft snuggly one .... Nothing nicer when youre feeling a bit poorlyish .. as I believe you are .. Hope youre recovered enough for the previously discussed Orkney Trip ! Ive tidied out my spare room already !