Third Time's a Charm...

Karmacat

kissjenn wrote: »

Mad Killer is I think 3 men and a ferret. I spotted them out in the field last week. No idea if what they're doing is in any way illegal or just morally repugnant.

Yuck. I guess only hunting with packs of dogs is illegal maybe ...

I'm hoping that seeing surgeon on Friday will do something to sort this out. Oddly enough I don't want to make an official complaint right before they target me with lasers. Makes me think of Bond and Goldfinger :eek:

Thinking about surgeons' personalities - sort of quite detached - you might well have a good chance there. They're less likely to be overly sentimental and "not wanting to upset you". And oddly enough, I wouldn't want to make an official complaint about someone who was about to take a laser to me either :rotfl::eek:

Greying_Pilgrim

Hey Kissjen

You have been in my thoughts today.

Hope that you have had professional support, guidance and assistance all the way.

Greying x

beanielou

Echoing GP .

Ellidee

I am thinking of you too kj and sending positive vibes xx

Karmacat

Me too ... "Friday, kissjenn ... ". Hope its been going okay, and that they're both apologetic and amenable.

kissjenn

Hi guys and thank you for your kind thoughts.

Today actually went well in a bizarre way. So please forgive this if it seems a bit clinical but it helps line up my thoughts.

Firstly, the informed consent discussion was useful. The best way forward I've been advised is a letter to the Centre which I will do post treatment. Got kissed and cuddled by surgeon who doesn't like me upset.

Secondly, a new lump appeared near the scar line this morning. We've agreed to see if radio affects it or if it grows. No biopsies done as he's hopeful it's not more cancer.

Thirdly, they have authorised 6 cycles of CMF chemo which will take 6 months to deliver. Oncologist was the best she's ever been today and it was a pleasure (told you this was bizarre) doing business. She'd like to overlap chemo and radio as tumours are so aggressive but expects radio to resist as they're already nervous about treating me.

Fourthly, I saw my CT scans and the main tumour. It's 5.3cm and lying under the pectoral muscle up by my clavicle. One side the muscle is flat and the other it looks like someone has slipped a tangerine under my muscle. There are also satellite tumours scattered closer to my neck. I could see where the surgeon had been but this is untouched.

Lastly, they've confirmed that this probably won't cure me. May hold it at bay for a bit but it will metastasise and move to, most probably, my lungs or liver. I've to start treating this as incurable and it's now a waiting game. I think that's why they're in no rush to biopsy my tumour du jour.

So I will be resigning on Monday and spending as much time with SB as possible. Allegedly CMF won't make too nauseous but if it does we'll go back on the syringe driver. They'll put in a Hickman before chemo starts and do another baseline CT.

District nurse was done to check I'm coping and will be back next week.

Lawyers called about revising power of attorney. So we're getting there.

Probably hasn't sunk yet as I'm very calm...at least they've been very honest today which I appreciate.

Karmacat

Oh kissjenn. What a kick in the teeth that must be. When I read at the top of your post about the new lump being near the scar line, and they're not touching it, I thought, "ah, its scar tissue gone a bit bonkers," I've supported people through the very light radiotherapy thats needed to get rid of that.

But then they use the words "incurable", and "metastasise I'm so sorry to hear this. You sound like you're processing all the information like crazy ... I remember my sister doing it, when her husband was in the intensive care unit, and I couldn't hold any of the detail in my head longer than a couple of minutes I was so shocked by it all.

Processing information is good! I'm sure you're knowledgeable enough about your own processes to know what pace you need to go at, to take on the emotional side of things.

And you're going to resign? I would too, I'm sure of it, especially with your SB there ... I suppose I also want to say to you, make sure you tell your white blood cells they can't stop their work, resigning is just to give them the energy to fight on, you want as much as you can... hope its okay to say that.

Thank you for posting - at the end of what must be one of your longest days ever. I hope you can sleep after all that.

Ellidee

:grouphug: I have no words kj Xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Hi KJ.


Not clinical just honest and straightforward.


Which is what you are. along with many other things.


So much love so so much love. I hope somehow you can feel it.


Buffy


xxx

grannyx2

Warm wishes and thoughts to you after what must have been a massive day

Granny x