The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

debjay

21/22 for tonight please. Some good totals coming in this month despite the holidays :T

CuppaTea

Honey bear thank u for your insights and honesty. I'm going to take aloof at that test.

1 AFD tonight please.

cathybird

Arkers wrote: »

Good morning everyone, 1 AFD for last night please. Nice to see the sun shining. Cathybird I love this time of year too. Like your namesake just seen a nuthatch and a woodpecker - amongst other birds on our feeder!! It's the little things sometimes.


Arkers x

Exactly Arkers! I so agree. I get great joy from the bird feeder too! x

Ellsbel

Thanks for the support and encouragement, everyone:)
What I'm finding a little difficult is that OH encourages me to join in him in a drink - such as this evening when we ate out and he suggested sharing a bottle of Chardonnay. The responsibility to decline is entirely mine, but once the suggestion is planted I do find it hard to resist and I must admit to feeling a bit annoyed sometimes that despite me telling him that I want to cut down and wanted to kick off with a dry month, he keeps forgetting and planting the temptation there!!
Oh well; must try harder!
I'll aim for a target of 20 for April please Shaggy - thanks so much for keeping score.

cathybird

piggles1 wrote: »

hi all

I've managed another AFD yesterday, and tonight I have a big dilemma. I can't drink tomorrow night because I'm up before 7am the next day, so tonight is the only time I could.

A large part of me says don't bother tonight either and then I'll hopefully have had 4 days in a row without. I've never done that ever, but there's also a part of me that says last chance saloon! And then there's the bit of me that wants to see if I can drink in moderation, but that might just be an excuse to have more than moderation. And then back comes the why bother with any, I'll only be disappointed.

Why do I want to drink? I don't know the reason really apart from I'm not ready to change. But I can see I might want to, and then I think well then I can have some because now I know I can change I don't need to bother today. But I can't change unless I try.

So there's a big fight in my brain for this evening. It's a lovely spring evening, and I have no idea which to do. I nearly deleted this and went to the fridge.

Apologies for airing my battles, as at this morning:

9/10 AFD please shaggy and can I have a slightly higher target of 12 for April. thank you!

Piggles1, you say you're not ready to change but it seems to me that you are changing - progressing down a road that is leading you away from drinking. Don't you think? ... Change just seems slow and generally not obvious. I have been struggling with habits of spending and drinking for years and years, am now more or less happy with the former and much happier than I was with the latter, though not there yet. Pegging away at it is absolutely the main thing (as everyone here on this thread knows).

Dansmam

Where did March go?! Mainly AL when not AF for me but I forgot to set a target. Thanks for the test Honey Bear - I scored 15 Which reinforces what I really already know - I need to keep getting back up on the AF horse. Can I jump back in for April please Shaggy with 20/30. Aiming for AL for the rest.

Arkers

Good Morning Everyone, 25 for me please Shaggy.
Arkers x

smiley_77

31/31for March please and 30/30 for April please Shaggy.

It is a lovely day here. I am going for a walk later to try and get rid of the massive Easter egg I have scoffed!

Honey_Bear

piggles1 wrote: »

A large part of me says don't bother tonight either and then I'll hopefully have had 4 days in a row without. I've never done that ever, but there's also a part of me that says last chance saloon! And then there's the bit of me that wants to see if I can drink in moderation, but that might just be an excuse to have more than moderation. And then back comes the why bother with any, I'll only be disappointed.

Why do I want to drink? I don't know the reason really apart from I'm not ready to change. But I can see I might want to, and then I think well then I can have some because now I know I can change I don't need to bother today. But I can't change unless I try.

So there's a big fight in my brain for this evening. It's a lovely spring evening, and I have no idea which to do. I nearly deleted this and went to the fridge.

Apologies for airing my battles, as at this morning:

9/10 AFD please shaggy and can I have a slightly higher target of 12 for April. thank you!

But isn't that exactly what everyone goes through every single evening? If not at lunchtime on high days and holidays, too? I don't think you should apologise, Piggles, because firstly you were going through the experience and it is a normal one for people who susupect that may be drinking too much, and secondly - you're in the company of people who go through this fairly frequently, I suspect. You've put it rather succinctly, too. Excellent post.

I hope posting about it kept you away from the fridge, but if it didn't, at least you know you're in good company with what you were experiencing.

Ellsbel wrote: »

Thanks for the support and encouragement, everyone:)
What I'm finding a little difficult is that OH encourages me to join in him in a drink - such as this evening when we ate out and he suggested sharing a bottle of Chardonnay. The responsibility to decline is entirely mine, but once the suggestion is planted I do find it hard to resist and I must admit to feeling a bit annoyed sometimes that despite me telling him that I want to cut down and wanted to kick off with a dry month, he keeps forgetting and planting the temptation there!!
Oh well; must try harder!
I'll aim for a target of 20 for April please Shaggy - thanks so much for keeping score.

Well, I may be the only person that thinks this Ellsbel, but I don't think your husband 'forgets' at all. Your husband knows if he suggests a bottle you'll probably cave in and join him and that means he can have more than two glasses without feeling that he's had more to drink than he maybe should - because you did. Your husband is cajoling you into drinking because he wants to. I wonder why he thinks that's a fair thing to do to someone he cares about.

You can say no. It's as simple as that, although he's going out of his way to make it hard for you.

Enabling someone's drinking when they've had the courage to say out loud they think they want, or should, drink less is a really mean thing to do and it happens absolutely everywhere anyone goes when booze is involved.

There is nothing to stop him ordering and drinking a glass of wine, two glasses of wine, or three if that's his thing, a bottle if he wants to, and as long as you've found something you enjoy drinking that doesn't involve booze, you can order that, too.

You might have realised I have a real 'thing' about this. It's because if anyone is in a relationship with someone and they've been drinking together, when one of them wants to cut down substantially or stop it changes the dynamic in the relationship. It's a situation that has to be negotiated because it's not just about booze, it's about the fundamentals of the relationship itself and a lot of partners find it very, very challenging when one person cuts out the booze.

It shouldn't feel threatening to the other partner if their drinking is under control but it does to some people.

My OH was very supportive, but he didn't 'get it' completely for quite a while. He now says that the only thing that he misses is sharing a bottle of champagne with me, and I totally understand that, but I'm not going to drink just to please him - I'd far rather organise a bunch of friends to come round or go out with to make sure he gets his celebration than go back on the booze myself. He's cut his drinking down by about two thirds to three quarters and I'm pretty chuffed about that, to be honest. He's a great guy and I'd like him around for quite a while longer. We both drank waaaaaay too much, but I was the one with the problem, not him. His Stop Button still works just fine, mine never did.

I'm glad some people found the linky to the American test useful. It worked for me partly because I was scrupulously honest and there were some real shocks in there for me. Yes, I have fallen over and broken my wrist when drunk, yes, friends had commented on my drinking, yes, I had forgotten things that happened when I'd been drinking, etc etc etc. I can downplay all of it as much as I want, but the end result was always going to be the same - I drank too much and it was never going to get better.

18 months on after stopping with the booze I can honestly say I simply can't understand why I carried on with it for so long. Taking the plunge was really, really uncomfortable mentally, far more than any physical reactions, but I'm so, so glad I stopped when I did, because I'm not sure if I'd kept drinking that it would have been as straightforward as it was. In fact, I'll admit - a couple more years of drinking and it wouldn't have been possible to stop on my own. I'm incredibly lucky to have just got out in the nick of time, and wouldn't have succeeded without this thread and Belle's 100 Day Challenge.

31/31 please, Shaggy.

piggles1

satchmo1 wrote: »

26/27 AFDs and victory is in sight!


Piggles I hope the internal battle has been won. You've done really well considering the upheavals, stresses and fleas you've had to contend with. Have the fleas been wiped out?

thanks satchmo I managed it! It was miles harder than I thought it would be and the argument in my head went on and on. I poured some cranberry juice thinking if I give in after that then I do, but took the first sip as soon as I poured it out knowing it wouldn't mix with wine so I had no choice afterwards.

The fleas have massively reduced but I'm still doing a second treatment after the weekend because they are about in a few places. I can't wait to put the furniture back!

cathybird wrote: »

Piggles1, you say you're not ready to change but it seems to me that you are changing - progressing down a road that is leading you away from drinking. Don't you think? ... Change just seems slow and generally not obvious. I have been struggling with habits of spending and drinking for years and years, am now more or less happy with the former and much happier than I was with the latter, though not there yet. Pegging away at it is absolutely the main thing (as everyone here on this thread knows).

I think you're right there cathybird I'm just not sure I like it, or what I'm changing into. Having an AFD but knowing a booze night is just around the corner is a whole different thing to having and AFD and not knowing when I'll drink again. That's what I found so difficult.

Alcohol has been such a large part of my identity since I was small and making myself who I was/am that removing it leaves a big gap.

Happy mornings seems to be the bonus though. I once went out at dawn and took a lovely picture of the harbour bay where I lived. I'm aiming to get back to that place in my head again and there's a lake here with birds, so I do have a part of me that drink doesn't fit with

I'd never have thought a couple of weeks ago I'd start back on my AFDs again, but I have!

10/10 AFD please shaggy