The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

piggles1

Honey_Bear wrote: »

But isn't that exactly what everyone goes through every single evening? If not at lunchtime on high days and holidays, too? I don't think you should apologise, Piggles, because firstly you were going through the experience and it is a normal one for people who susupect that may be drinking too much, and secondly - you're in the company of people who go through this fairly frequently, I suspect. You've put it rather succinctly, too. Excellent post.

I hope posting about it kept you away from the fridge, but if it didn't, at least you know you're in good company with what you were experiencing.

thanks Honey Bear It was an unpleasant experience and I don't really want to have to go through it again. I remember posts where people say they have alarm bells and I think about that often. This time it was a great big tug of war about who I want to be, not just last night. I can see I'm fighting to get back to drinking or it wouldn't be so bad. Gracious if people go through that it's awful.

Without this thread I'd not have gone back to AFDs at all. I didn't even know it was a possibility 6 months ago until I joined. There are some posts and people's experiences I remember very clearly, and they help me know I'm not alone.

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Well, I may be the only person that thinks this Ellsbel, but I don't think your husband 'forgets' at all. Your husband knows if he suggests a bottle you'll probably cave in and join him and that means he can have more than two glasses without feeling that he's had more to drink than he maybe should - because you did. Your husband is cajoling you into drinking because he wants to. I wonder why he thinks that's a fair thing to do to someone he cares about.

You can say no. It's as simple as that, although he's going out of his way to make it hard for you.

Enabling someone's drinking when they've had the courage to say out loud they think they want, or should, drink less is a really mean thing to do and it happens absolutely everywhere anyone goes when booze is involved.

I have to agree with Honey Bear here. I read your post Ellsbel and I've experienced the same from people who would rather I carried on to make themselves justify their own drinking. But it isn't fair on the person trying to cut down and to an extent takes advantage.

I had to repeat myself to them that I'm trying to cut down or not drink, and mean it so they hear. They can do what they want, but sometimes they don't want to without the drinking backup person.

The other thing I've found is people need to know where they are with me, and if I don't drink they're not sure why or how I've changed and what it means for them.

One person close to me fought so hard about it we don't go out for a drink any more. It's really difficult and I hope you get some compromise or can drink your own AF drink instead. After a few times your OH may well see you're no different and just as fun

Sandypan

Wow lots of amazing advice on here this morning, Honey Bear I love reading your post you always seem to 'hit the nail right on the head' thank you.
Ellsbel, this was exactly the same as my OH when I started cutting down, most evenings he tried to get me to join him in a drink and sometimes I did but always regretted it the next day because he had a stop button and I didn't. Now he very rarely tries to get me to join him and I've stocked up on a range of AF beverages so I'm joining him in a drink, just not an alcoholic one.
With the flea situation Piggles we had a really bad infestation a few years ago and the best solution was constant hoovering all carpets and soft furnishings.
Another amazing day here, glad to be alive!

ElusiveLucy

My March total will be 18/20. Disappointed in myself, but it was the first month of the challenge for me so I will try again next month.


I am on hols in May so I will not be having many AFDs at all, so I had better do well in April.

ElusiveLucy

Why am I now having problems highlighting my days in Red? It used to work OK and now they always come out black?

shaggydoo

Afternoon :hello:

1 more AFD for yesterday.



Shaggyx

shaggydoo

Doshwaster wrote: »

What are people defining as a "alcohol low day"?

For me it's 4 units or less. But it can be whatever helps you reach for the stop button

shaggydoo

Dansmam wrote: »

Aiming for AL for the rest.

Do you want me to set that as a target?

shaggydoo

Honey_Bear wrote: »

It's because if anyone is in a relationship with someone and they've been drinking together, when one of them wants to cut down substantially or stop it changes the dynamic in the relationship.

I have been thinking about changing dynamics re friendship since reading your previous posts. When I really started to cut down on my drinking a number of my very close friendships did change and I did drift apart from a number of people I'd previously been close too. Up until recently I'd thought this was wholly down to me - that I somehow found it difficult to be around people who drink a lot. However, my OH was telling me about someone (who he was listening to on the radio) who said she wouldn't go out with some people as they just wouldn't drink fast enough. And I suddenly realised it wasn't just me that changed - once I wasn't drinking, my heavy drinking friends might well have felt uncomfortable being around me. For example, a friend offers you a drink - you say no - where does that leave them? You're having dinner with a couple - they are going for it - you're not - they feel uncomfortable (even if that's not what you want).

A lot of things now make sense tbh. I hadn't been thinking about the drinking person's perspective iyswim.

shaggydoo

March:

= 7 Days AF

= 14 days AF

= 21 days AF
= 28 days AF

= 31 days AF

= target achieved


Alcohol Free Days
Arkers 25/15
Barny1979 25/26
CathyBird 16/15
CountingPenniesClaire 18/21
CuppaTea 11/19
DebJay 21/22
DizzyImp 30/31

Effyb4 /14
Ellsbel 25/31
ElusiveLucy 18/20
Gabriel 30/30
Gien 13/15
Honey Bear 31/31
Mackeroo 10/10

Maggie 2/13
Maman 10/10

Muser /22
NewMe 8/12
Piggles 10/10
Pricey 20/20
Satchmo 26/27
SandyPan 21/21
Shaggy 18/17
SmallHoldingSister 8/21
Smiley_77 31/31
StuPotStu 18/31
WBF 7/14

Yellowmonkey 4/10

Alcohol Low Days
CountingPennieClaire 19/25
Debjay 24/TF
Shaggy 24/22




Everyone Welcome! It's never too late to join....

Please highlight your AFDs in Red

Don't hesitate to let me know if I've made a mistake!

shaggydoo

April:

= 7 Days AF

= 14 days AF

= 21 days AF
= 28 days AF

= 30 days AF

= target achieved


Alcohol Free Days

Arkers /20

Barny1979 /24

CathyBird /15

CountingPenniesClaire

CuppaTea /17

Dansmam /20

DebJay /20

DizzyImp /30

Doshwaster /22

Effyb4

Ellsbel /20

ElusiveLucy /20

Gabriel

Gien

Honey Bear /30

Mackeroo /10

Maggie

Maman /10

Muser

NewMe

Piggles /12

Pricey /20

Satchmo

SandyPan /15

Shaggy /17

SmallHoldingSister

Smiley_77 /30

StuPotStu

WBF /14

Yellowmonkey

Alcohol Low Days

CountingPennieClaire

Debjay

Doshwaster /30

Shaggy /22




Everyone Welcome! It's never too late to join....

Please highlight your AFDs in Red

Don't hesitate to let me know if I've made a mistake!