Need advice :(

Sapiens

Posting under a different name.

When I was a child 6-12 my father and I would play fight and sometimes he would lay on top of me and hold me down and sometimes lick my face which made me feel really uncomfortable. When I was 12 he jokingly called me sexy, another time he 'playfully' slapped my bottom. I always felt like I was being 'watched' when I was in the bathroom, like he had a camera in there. I never bonded with him or felt safe around him. He also jokingly kept asking me if I was going to marry him when I was older.

We lost contact when I was 13 and I'm now 21 and started to see him again. We have a great bond and I really enjoy spending time with him. However, the other day he was a bit drunk and hugged me and run his hand down the base of my spine/by the tailbone just above my bum. He also commented that I had a big bum. He still sometimes treats me like a little kid which i why I have difficulty in understanding whether his behaviour is innocent or sinister.

ska_lover

To be honest OP, REALLY really honest...what you have described does creep me out and I would be nervous around him. Fathers do not call their daughters sexy. In my opinion you had a lucky escape as a child because this does scream out to me peadophillic tendancies.. I am ever so sorry if that hurts you, but just giving my own personal opinion and obviously do not know your Father.

paulineb_2

Ok, that all happened and you felt uncomfortable around him but you have a great bond?

The two things dont really add up from everything youve posted.

Georgiegirl256

How can you have a great bond with him when he acts like that towards you? To answer your last statement....his behaviour is sinister, and definitely not normal.

ognum

OP I think you need to take your thought and worries to someone real rather than an Internet forum.

I would feel uncomfortable if my husband behaved like this to my child. Have you had any discussions with your mother or other family members regarding why you lost contact, do you have brothers and sisters?

Unlike another poster I would not immediately say pedophile, behaviour among families varies but I do not think you should keep this to yourself, seek out some wise council in your family or friends or even a professional.

savingmummy

paulineb wrote: »

Ok, that all happened and you felt uncomfortable around him but you have a great bond?

The two things dont really add up from everything youve posted.

I have to agree.

That isnt normal behaviour at all!

How come you lost contact in the first place?

Tiddlywinks

Hold your horses!

If this were a mum doing it to her child would you all be thinking it's sinister?

Mums say their teenage sons are good looking, handsome, sexy or whatever all the time on here... how is a dad saying a daughter looks sexy really different? Without the context, facial expression and tone of voice it is not that simple to rate it.

Mums hold their children down and tickle them - is that sinister?

Licking? Again, is there a history of meaning behind that? A shared family joke?

I just get really fed up with people jumping to conclusions... we don't know those involved and we don't know all of the context... let's not make any hasty judgments.

OP - If you are not comfortable with some of the things said or done then talk to your dad about it. If nothing changes then limit your contact.

It is how YOU feel that is important - not a bunch of strangers on an internet forum.

sharnad

My skin is now crawling

paulineb_2

The OP says in her first post that she never felt safe around him.

fabforty

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Hold your horses!

If this were a mum doing it to her child would you all be thinking it's sinister?

Mums say their teenage sons are good looking, handsome, sexy or whatever all the time on here... how is a dad saying a daughter looks sexy really different? Without the context, facial expression and tone of voice it is not that simple to rate it.

Mums hold their children down and tickle them - is that sinister?

Licking? Again, is there a history of meaning behind that? A shared family joke?

I just get really fed up with people jumping to conclusions... we don't know those involved and we don't know all of the context... let's not make any hasty judgments.

OP - If you are not comfortable with some of the things said or done then talk to your dad about it. If nothing changes then limit your contact.

It is how YOU feel that is important - not a bunch of strangers on an internet forum.

We are not the ones making assumptions or judgements here - it is the OP herself. She says clearly that his behaviour when she was younger made her uncomfortable. It obviously still does so, otherwise why would she post about it. She knows the context of what happened better than anyone. I assume that if there was a 'family history of licking' (I can't believe I just typed that) - it wouldn't be an issue for her. And if her mother behaved in such a way and OP stated that she felt uncomfortable with it, my answer would have been exactly the same.


A daughter saying that she felt uncomfortable with her father's behaviour, that she never felt safe around him and that she always felt watched while in the bathroom, is abnormal.

Artytarty

Is the OP female ?