Feelings for my best friend?

fluffnutter

marisco wrote: »

Hate to burst your bubble but if this guy were interested in you beyond being friends, he would most likely have made a move before now.

Why? She hasn't even though she has feelings for him. IME, men are no more forward than women and he might well be plagued by the same concerns that the OP has.

fluffnutter

I wonder how genuine these feelings are, OP. Not that you don't feel them, but whether they are actually what they seem. Perhaps you feel time is ticking on, that you'd like to be in a relationship, it's a new year and you're casting around for a suitable prospect. Coupled with the fact that this guy's found a new partner and you're on your own has brought all sorts of feelings to a head and you're interpreting this as 'I want him' when in reality you just want someone.

Orlando_Virgin

fluffnutter wrote: »

I wonder how genuine these feelings are, OP. Not that you don't feel them, but whether they are actually what they seem. Perhaps you feel time is ticking on, that you'd like to be in a relationship, it's a new year and you're casting around for a suitable prospect. Coupled with the fact that this guy's found a new partner and you're on your own has brought all sorts of feelings to a head and you're interpreting this as 'I want him' when in reality you just want someone.

Yeah I agree with this completely. Couple that with that fact that he has always been there for you when you've needed him, you might be starting to think "why go looking for someone else when everything I need is conveniently right there, and always has been"

Speaking as a guy, I don't know many who've been friends with a woman that long without something happening, or at least trying it on. (i'm not saying it's not possible before someone jumps on my back)

I'd leave it personally, or at least ask yourself, why this exact time and moment after all those years with it being plutonic?

Delree

Could there be a little bit of wanting what you can't have here? Before you say or do anything be 100% sure of this because you'll do one of two things
a) wreck his fledgling relationship
b) damage your friendship
Or both.
The last thing you or he wants is for him to jump into your arms only for you to then get fed up with the lack of mystique.

Georgiegirl256

Another vote for saying nothing.

1, Not while he's with another woman. That relationship might or might not work out, but it isn't up to you to put a spanner in the works.

2, You can usually tell if a bloke likes you or not, not always I know, but you usually get that vibe, and if you haven't been feeling that up to now, then I'd leave well clear, either that or maybe destroy a perfectly good friendship.

Lunar_Eclipse

We don't know the guy is with another woman. By his own admission, truthful or otherwise.

In all likelihood he is at the very beginning of a relationship of some sort, which could naturally fizzle out sometime between today and never, but I think it's jumping the gun to get overly dramatic about it, given that we have no idea whether they've met more than twice (when they met and NYE) or even had a kiss, beyond the token midnight gesture everyone does.

paulineb_2

You saw him in your future but you didnt pursue it and these feelings only came to a head when he started seeing someone else, I dont think thats the best foundation to build a relationship on to be honest.

Also, the fact that he was distant towards you, again, not the best sign.

gt568

If he was interested, he would have tried to fire in by now. Sorry, thats prolly not what you wanted to hear.

princeofpounds

If he was interested, he would have tried to fire in by now. Sorry, thats prolly not what you wanted to hear.

This sort of assumption really bugs me.

It may be true, but it is certainly nowhere near a universal rule.

If both people assume that if someone was interested, they must have shown it, then people would simply never get together because they would both be waiting for the other to make a move.

Whenever you watch a soap opera where things go badly wrong for a character, so often there is some assumption that leads to something important being unspoken at the root of it. There's a good reason for that script device.

I'd also add that this whole game of trying make deductions from people's behaviour about their intentions rather than doing something crazy like, you know, actually asking them is a particularly weird British thing. Of course it goes on in all cultures, but here in Britain people seem particularly keen on these sorts of games when dating in preference to actual communication.

If we are making assumptions of this sort, you can point to the fact that he clearly downplayed some kind of emerging relationship. That's a classic thing a guy will do when he is trying to invite interest from a different woman, real the-dorr-is-open stuff. But I wouldn't rely on it any more than I would rely on interpretations about being friends.

This guy has been friends with the girl since they were 14/15. He may have been far too nervous to do anything apart from hint at his interest at the outset - and clearly the OP was not giving him signals at the time - and then stuck firmly in the friend zone.

He may have thought that making any kind of move would be inappropriate and destroy a friendship, and so suppressed his interest ever since. Happens all the time - a couple of personal examples have already been shown on the thread.

Or maybe he isn't interested, but guess what - if one of them doesn't raise the issue they will never, ever know.

gt568

I maintain my stance. If he found her in the least attractive he'd have tried to fire in by now.