Feelings for my best friend?

justme111

Well I guess we need far more info so as to be able to advise. As only you know the dynamics of relationship between you and him , how suitable you might be etc. I would be wary that you may be just feelung lonely and jealous . Besides I would think twice about reasons for him not to bring this subject himself but to opt to go out with someone else.

marisco_2

Hate to burst your bubble but if this guy were interested in you beyond being friends, he would most likely have made a move before now. I wouldn't risk what appears to be a good friendship by disclosing feelings that may not be reciprocated. Especially when he has recently started seeing someone, not good timing and screams of now or never!

princeofpounds

I'm worried I've built a big friend-zone wall around myself

Bit of bluntness for you here...

You have.

So you will have to do something if you want to actually move on from this. No good using a hinting strategy.

Forget any thought about offending the other woman. It's clearly not that serious yet if he says they are not yet a 'thing'. Personally I think this is just a cover for whatever you are really afraid of.

I'm not sure what that is, probably rejection. Worrying about the friendship if you say something will be a part of it, but I suspect it's the more 'primitive' worry that really matters.

You're 27 now. That's kind of grown-up. You should be able to talk about your feelings with someone, even if it's a sensitive area. Just approach it like an adult and with a sense of self-worth, not someone who is going to fall apart sobbing if it really is just going to be a friendship.

And it's around that sort of age where people sometimes do change the way they view relationships and think about it in terms of the next 30 years rather than the next three.

Bear in mind also that if he gets really serious about someone else, or you do, then your friendship will not be preserved in its current form. Marriage and kids with other people will almost certainly distance you, though that's not to say you won't still think highly of each other etc.

Lots of guys I know of similar ages are in the friend zone with a girl they might have got together with in the past. Most of them, if single, kind of hope that they could get beyond that.

Lunar_Eclipse

After setting the scene for the question (I want to ask you something and would appreciate your honesty), I would just ask him whether he thinks you could ever be more than friends.

What comes next depends on his answer; you don't need to claim your undying love and make a fool of yourself in the process.

To me, his actions re:NYE and this other girl tell me either he knows you might be upset (because of the way you feel about him) OR he is unsure himself, because he's confused about his feelings for you (possibly fuelled by this other girl - it just feeling wrong.)

Just do it! Good luck and let us know how it goes.

clearing_out_my_pockets

My husband and I have known each other since I was 16 (31 now). He knew I loved him as a teenager but didn't reciprocate. We were out together one evening as friends when we were 25 and I'd recently got out of a bad (abusive) relationship. At the end of the evening I told him I still felt the same way as I had when I was a teen but I understood if he didn't and he told me he didn't feel anything for me. I picked myself up, dusted myself off and licked my wounded pride. The next week, we went out for a drink to celebrate my dad being discharged from a seven month hospital stay and he saw me with another man, who was buying me a drink. My friend didn't like that. At all. I am not the type to try and make someone jealous and I wouldn't suggest doing that. Turns out my friend did have feelings for me after all. At least I hope he did, otherwise having his nine week old baby in front of me could be a mistake!

Personally I don't think I'd have said anything if he was in a relationship. I probably would have asked him about his new relationship to see why he was being cagey.

paulineb_2

I'd say nothing. Its unfair on the girl he is seeing, casual or not. You wait until he is free again and take it from there.

dandelionclock30

If he had been interested he would have said, especially if you have been sleeping in the same bed etc. He could have asked you out for New Years eve but did'nt, he chose the other woman.
Wish him well and move on and try to find someone who is interested.

Alikay

I'd say he does have an inkling you may now or at some point in the past have romantic feelings about him. The bed-sharing stopping when either of you are in a relationship, reluctance to talk to you much about his new girl, and the jokes from mutual friends suggest he will have thought about the possibility of a relationship with you, and for whatever reason has not pursued one.

Him seeing another girl means it is absolutely the wrong time to share your feeling with him at present. Maybe you could tell him if he becomes single again, but I have a feeling you wouldn't be revealing anything he didn't already know.

FBaby

I have to agree that most likely, if he had wanted more with you, he most likely would have made a move but.... it's not a given. Only you can analyse the vibes and your personalities and is most likely to know why it hasn't happened yet if he does have those feelings too.

Is he shy? Self-conscious? Is he likely to believe that you would never be interested in him? Does he go on about what a perfect friend you are?

I wouldn't worry about the other girl. If it is the case that deep inside he really wants to be with you, better she knows how it is now than later. I think I would be totally honest, said that you never really thought about him as a boyfriend, but that you got caught by your emotions when you find out about this girl and that it is easier to be honest now, but that your respect his feelings and still very much value his friendship.

You might need to accept though that if all he wants is your friendship, the fact that he is with someone might mean that he becomes distant as he concentrate on this new relationship. Unfortunately, this is quite common and understandable if not nice for the friend.

paulineb_2

I would mind very much about the other girl and her feelings, if he leaves her just because you say you have feelings for him, it could be you as soon as someone else comes along and says they like him. Also, you don't build a relationship by making someone else unhappy, of course people do it, its real life but take the rose tinted specs off, he could have started a relationship with you, he started seeing someone else.

He may have feelings for you but hes done nothing about them.