How to make small talk into a conversation

Bogof_Babe

Of course there's always the weather - it's a cliche for a reason, especially in this country!

marisco_2

Person_one wrote: »

I talk to strangers for a living and as part of several hobbies so I probably enjoy it more than most, seems I'm a bit odd from this thread!

I don't think you are odd at all, rather skilled in fact if you can strike up conversation with people you are newly in contact with. I cant do small talk at all and admire people who have the ability to do this. Even when out with my closest and oldest friends I only join in conversations when I feel confident about what is being discussed. Otherwise I just sit back and listen and try to learn something.

Person_one

marisco wrote: »

I don't think you are odd at all, rather skilled in fact if you can strike up conversation with people you are newly in contact with. I cant do small talk at all and admire people who have the ability to do this. Even when out with my closest and oldest friends I only join in conversations when I feel confident about what is being discussed. Otherwise I just sit back and listen and try to learn something.

Oh I don't know, you've got the hang of flattery, always a useful conversational skill!

Make-it-3

OP the examples you gave are compliments not small talk. I'm sure the people you were speaking too weren't being rude but simply responding as you would to that type of comment.

Small talk is polite but open questions on light hearted subjects, either to 'make conversation' because you've been stuck with someone and need to fill the silence or if you are interested in getting to know someone as a lead-in to finding a subject area that participants are interested in opening up more about.

Its not always easy, it can seem banal and trivial, but it is a skill that you can acquire.

ThemeOne

Make-it-3 wrote: »

Its not always easy, it can seem banal and trivial, but it is a skill that you can acquire.

Completely agree - and yes you can acquire the skill, but for many people it's not easy to acquire. I suppose it's a bit like driving - some people seem to be natural drivers, whereas others can learn, but it's hard work and requires a lot of formal instruction.

That's why I think it would be good to cover some form of "social skills" in school. It would have the additional benefit of making youngsters more articulate generally.

Sadly, I suspect there's probably zero chance of this ever happening what with the national curriculum etc.

PasturesNew

Be grateful [1] you already have an OH, [2] you were invited somewhere. You don't "need" to make friends as when you go home you're not going to go home alone.

hazyjo

I had to chat with my BF's 21 year old son's GF (20) for an hour at mine the other weekend while the BF and his son played darts in the other room. Thankfully it wasn't as hard as I thought (although the Prosecco probably helped lol).

Weirdly, I find the things people always love to talk about are fairgrounds (eg I won tickets for Alton Towers and we got on that subject - honestly, people have opinions and memories about rides and stuff and it always feels like a natural conversation!), hair (styles, colour, length, other people's, etc) and food/drink - and I always try to get onto property cos if they have any remote interest in it like I do, it can be a good conversation starter.

Was quite easy with his GF as a few subjects started with 'I remember when I was your age...' lol. Was quite funny sharing stories and comparisons. I was buying my first flat at 21 - they both share a house with others on the south coast near their Uni. Was quite easy chatting about it all.

Jx

victory

Make-it-3 wrote: »

OP the examples you gave are compliments not small talk. I'm sure the people you were speaking too weren't being rude but simply responding as you would to that type of comment.

Small talk is polite but open questions on light hearted subjects, either to 'make conversation' because you've been stuck with someone and need to fill the silence or if you are interested in getting to know someone as a lead-in to finding a subject area that participants are interested in opening up more about.

Its not always easy, it can seem banal and trivial, but it is a skill that you can acquire.

Completely agree and would definetly love to acquire the skill:D

We watched 'the flitter' what OH and I call a 'flitter' a perfectly capable small talk chatty person that works the room, goes from person to person 'flitting' starting small talk/conversation and then moves on to the next group of people/person, it truly is beautiful to watch, everyone in the room feels engaged and smiling, it really is a very good life skill to have:D

I agree my questions were closed, my observations should be more open, would have loved to lead the 'topshop' answer on as someone posted excellent reply but my question met with a closed answer and then it is the tumble weed moment, rooted to the spot, smiling and wishing someone would come over or someone would speak:rotfl::rotfl:

It is so much easier if you know them and know what they like/where they have been on their hols/their kids/where they work etc etc but if you have to go in cold it can be impossible to start up the small talk, you have to go with what you can see, clothes, weather, hair, surroundings, etc:D

victory

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

But I agree, sometimes you just can't get through to someone. I am usually pretty good at this sort of stuff but got left with someone on NYE who was just really really hard work - I kept asking questions to the point where I felt like I was a quizmaster on a fast paced show and she just kept grunting yes and no. In the end I just gave up and watched telly

Been there:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

hazyjo

If you start talking about the weather, incorporate something else. If someone says to me 'so where are you off on your holidays' or starts going on about the weather generally, it's like they have a neon sign saying 'I'M MAKING SMALL TALK AND DON'T CARE HOW YOU ANSWER' on their forehead.

If you say something about the rain, add something like the fact you need some decent boots, or a waterproof jacket that's glam enough to wear for this sort of occasion, and start up a conversation around that. If you're chatty, even about s***e, it generally starts up other conversations and naturally progresses into something else.

Jx