How to make small talk into a conversation

victory

OH and I went to a party with most of the guests unknown to us, so we did not have a connection with them so practiced small talk, starting with complimenting eg 'I love your dress/hair/your home/your glasses/decor etc etc and got back ' oh thank you' uhm how to move that on?

Even small talk...love your dress lovely colour where did you get it from?...'topshop....' closed answer...what to say next?

Lots of smiling and sitting around, hoping that we could move the small talk into a conversation but some peoples responses were polite and closed, it was hard to think of something to say and became uncomfortable, I guess for all of us, so how to make small talk, what are your hints/tips/tricks/ideas ?

*max*

I always find that asking something like "how did you meet so and so?" tends to invite more "interesting" answers on which you can build a conversation. If you ask a straight, closed question (where did you buy this?), you'll always get a closed, straight answer (Topshop), unless the other person is a complete chatterbox.

That said, I hate small talk and find it incredibly strained. I'm not a natural at "chatting".

krustylouise

I wouldn't just say a statement to open a conversation, I'd have said something like "your home is beautiful, how long have you lived here? Are you originally from around here? Oh im from...." Then just chit chat about places you may be familiar with etc? Perhaps you could advise me on how to talk less because I never shut up!!! Good luck

Scrapaholic

We went to someones home for food etc . where we didn't know everyone, so we tried to make small talk . We didn't have much in common but we tried . They turned away after a few minutes to people they did know . Sometimes it just doesn't work . The other people have to want to get to know you too and if they're not interested they'll give polite , closed answers. A few years ago this probably would have dented my confidence a bit . It doesn't now as we've been to so many new places on holidays , met lovely people and had great conversations. If it doesn't work, don't let it bother you . It's not up to you to make all the effort to get to know people . If you're not going to be seeing them again at least you tried to be sociable .

fluffnutter

You don't. That's the point of small talk - it's in place of a more in depth conversation not a prelude to it. The wheels of social gatherings are oiled by a myriad of inane platitudes and it's not necessary to go beyond that. Save your decent conversations for your friends.

ALI1973

I would start with "don't you just hate those first few minutes at a party when you don't really know anyone?" and then proceed to introduce myself, it would take a very rude person not to do the same, then you can progress to "so how do you know.....?" and hopefully that will open up a conversation about how you met the hosts.

In the situation of the dress question, I would have gone on to say something like "Oh I never really look in Topshop, never realised they did such lovely clothes, do you buy a lot from there then?......"

belfastgirl23

Did you travel far to get here (people love to complain about traffic)
Are you from this area originally? (follow up question or enthusiasm about where they're from)
Do you work near here (if you're desperate)
Lovely/horrible day (people love to give out about the weather)
Did you catch that film/tv show/read that book?
What do you think about (celebrity gossip, eg Nigella)
How did you do christmas as a child? (conversation on different traditions) or 'we were just talking about childhood holidays and best memories, what was your favourite'

But I agree, sometimes you just can't get through to someone. I am usually pretty good at this sort of stuff but got left with someone on NYE who was just really really hard work - I kept asking questions to the point where I felt like I was a quizmaster on a fast paced show and she just kept grunting yes and no. In the end I just gave up and watched telly

ThemeOne

I think the OP's story goes to show that in order for small talk to work, it has to be a two-way street.

Sadly a lot of people are quite socially inept and only really comfortable talking to people they know. I don't say that with any implication of superiority, because I'm not brilliant at it myself, but I see so many who are considerably worse.

I think it's something they should maybe teach in school.

bluebeary

o theyve always got lovely clothes in top shop, havent been in there for a while though, lovely !

do you like debenhams, i love john rochers stuff and conran has some lovely jackets in this season, although they might be a bit older for you, how about henry holland, hes quite trendy isnt he ?

have you got any holidays planned this year ?

they reply

o ive been there or i havent been there, whats it like, where do you recommend blah de blah blah

just spout, its easy once you get going

fluffnutter

ThemeOne wrote: »

I think the OP's story goes to show that in order for small talk to work, it has to be a two-way street.

Sadly a lot of people are quite socially inept and only really comfortable talking to people they know. I don't say that with any implication of superiority, because I'm not brilliant at it myself, but I see so many who are considerably worse.

I think it's something they should maybe teach in school.

I think it's just a personality thing. Whilst it's a useful skill to have - it's nice to get on with people - some people find it comes naturally and some don't. I'm one of the latter group, it doesn't really occur to me to ask people about themselves. I don't talk about myself instead, I'm not a bore or an ego-maniac, I just find it odd to ask strangers what seem to me to be quite intrusive questions. But that's because I'm very introverted - not shy, just introverted. I do 'do' small talk now. I've learnt how to because it's the right thing to do. But I can't say it comes naturally or that I particularly enjoy it.

Bogof_Babe

In a public place... "can I get anyone a drink?"

In someone's home... "does anyone know where the loo is/where I can hang my coat/where our host/ess is..."

If you address your remarks generally, it will filter out those who are interested in striking up a proper conversation, and those who aren't.