MSE Newborn to 1 year (& beyond!) baby club 3

sweetilemon

jtr2803 wrote: »

I am so very sorry, my friend is the lady who very publically lost her daughter to meningitis in February and it's so horrifically traffic. I will be thinking of you and your families at this difficult time xx

Who is your friend? Could you PM me if you don't want to post?

pigpen

Sweet.. Glad to see you are surviving... I cant even imagine what you are going through.. I do know the feeling like something is missing will never go away.. you just get more used to it being there.. My parents lost my sister 43 years ago.. it doesnt end.

This is possibly not something that is right for you but I have read a few things when babies have left too soon their mums have expressed for a milk bank as a tribute to their angel.. I don't want that to sound disrespectful but just something others found some comfort in.

You will always always be her mummy and she will always be a part of your life.. give yourself time.. you prepared a future and a life with your little one, noone could have forseen this and you have to give yourself time and patience to heal and grieve.. it won't happen overnight but the bad days will eventually get further apart and you will get passed the numbness.. just go with it, trust your body, listen to what it needs.. and keep talking.. to anyone who will listen.. and listen to OH he is hurting just the same as you, you will share this pain forever don't let it drive a wedge between you, let it bring you closer, find comfort in one another and know that we all care and are thinking of you.

much love xx

lulu_92

Hello ladies

Time to dip my toes here I think! My twin girls are now 6 days old!

I was breastfeeding until Thursday as neither baby could latch properly, even with the help of a lactation consultant, and we were all miserable. So we've made the move to formula, which has made us all a lot happier, but I still feel guilty for not being able to feed them myself.

I plan on using ready to feed bottles when I'm out of the house, although they don't all come with teats. How long would a sterilised bottle stay sterile so I could take an empty bottle out with me and just fill with ready to drink?

lulu_92

I'm so sorry to hear your news, Sweet. Pigpen has nailed it with what she has said. All my love x

TamVilla80

sweetilemon wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Just been focusing on making the funeral as nice as possible for my baby girl. Sometimes I feel like I am getting through the day then other times I just feel unable to cope. My OH has been fantastic. I just feel so sad for her that she is missing out on so much. All my maternity plans and life plans have been changed completely. My body misses her, didn't think I'd have to stop breastfeeding so soon. I just don't want to believe she is gone. I know I'll always be a mum and i'm lucky to have memories but I just want her to be here and healthy. It was all so sudden. Unbelievable how quickly your world can change.

TamVilla80 I remember when you told us about your little boy, I know it's slightly different but I doubt either is easier, just different. Stories like yours did make me appreciate the moments I had with my little girl. How are you coping? I don't think this feeling like something is missing will go away ever, I'll always think of her I'm just hoping at one point I might again care about daily life, at the moment I'm so numb and have no time for life's silly things.

I've just always wanted to be a mummy and see my baby grow, I knew how lucky I was to have that I am just devestated for my daughter it's ended so quickly.

The early days were really hard, does it feel like watching yourself on a film sometimes? It's hard to explain just how much your body aches for your little one (physically and emotionally) but it doesn't stay that hard forever, I promise. Just take each hour as it comes, then each day. I found my strength from how brave and strong my boy was, hopefully you can find some from your beautiful and strong daughter. Do what you feel you need to do. If one day you don't want to go out and you just want to cry then that's ok, just try not to do it two days in a row.

Have you been offered any help? We have found Sands really helpful, we go to our local group now and they are all so lovely. The Sands website has a forum too and I've met some amazing people on there. It's a great forum for getting out anything you want to say and you will get so much understanding and help.
We have a bereavement counsellor too, who is the most amazing woman. Me and my husband see her together and separately as you have a joint pain and a separate pain too.
Don't be afraid to ask for help, don't struggle on needlessly, go and see your GP and see what is available to you.

The funeral is hard, but at the same time you should be so proud of the brief life your little lady had, and we tried to turn it more into a celebration of his life rather than the loss of it. Like most things I have found in the past 6 months, it's the thought of things that are worse than the actual thing (if that makes sense), so you will think you won't get through it, but you will.

My niece died from meningitis at 4 weeks old 13 years ago, so I know what a mean illness it is and how quickly it can take over. Meningitis Now is a great charity that helped our family and we have raised money for them since, check out their website as there is lots of help on there too.

6 months down the line and I miss my son everyday. It's not as raw as it was but still hurts and will never go away. I had some really bad days and needed some medication at points, but we are doing ok (I think so anyway!) I feel like a different person and have learnt so much. I have learnt who my real friends are and who I can count on, and I think it's made my marriage stronger too.

I left my job of 15 years due to the hideous behaviour of my boss (but that's another story...) and am currently unemployed and pregnant again (not planned and very much a surprise, again that is another story...) so we are scraping by financially, but the days are brighter and it does feel a bit easier to breathe than it did 6 months ago.

Sending you lots of love and strength for these days. Be gentle on yourself and take care. Laura xxx

minimuffin12

Sweetie and tam, so sorry for what you have both been through. Sweetie, I really don't know what to say but other than take care
And continue to look after yourself and your oh. Xx

Lulu- I usually sterilise bottles twice a day and the ones I take out with me from 10am I would still be using them at teatime and dd has been ok.

Saffagal

Welcome lulu and congratulations on your twins I've not used bottles so don't know the answer to your question.

My dd is 3 today. I can't quite believe it. It still seems like only yesterday when I was lying in hospital after having had her - 3 years! Wow! Although some days are a struggle as she is rather strong willed, I wouldn't change her for the world and feel so blessed to have her in my life.

kroberts

Hi All


Thought I'd come and join you here. My little girl is now 8 days old which has gone by really quick. We've had family visiting but I'm glad to now have the house back to ourselves.


I tried breastfeeding the first few days but my baby doesn't seem to like it and wouldn't latch on properly. So now she is having a mixture of formula and expressed. It seems to have worked out though as I don't think I would have been able to keep up with her, she likes her milk!
My son loves his little sister, always checking on her

minimuffin12

Happy birthday to little miss saf! Hope she had a lovely day. My ds will be 3 in July, it's scary where the last 3years have gone. Welcome kroberts! I'm the same, ds just loves his little sis and is constantly kissing her on the head and comes into our room in the morning to pet her on the head, so cute. Are you managing to get some naps while dd is asleep? I found the early days v difficult with having ds to entertain and a newbie to look after but things have settled now and dd is now 12weeks and will happily play on her mat while I enjoy a cuppa 🙂

Saffagal

Thank you minimuffin, and welcome kroberts!

A had a lovely day yesterday, though is a little poorly at the moment.

E has this week been really kind to me - Sunday night he slept 7hrs, 6hrs on Monday and 9hrs last night for his long stretch! Except I feel more tired having had these good sleeps after running on short bursts of sleep for the past 10 weeks! We're away on holiday next week so think hopefully it won't upset his sleep too much!