MSE Newborn to 1 year (& beyond!) baby club 3

BeNiceToMySelf

not sure what to say continual, it's so hard and there's no magic solution. I have found it difficult without close family around as it's much harder to ask other people for help. I hope writing it all down has helped. Maybe you could write your mother in law a letter back describing how you feel? It seems to be the way she is choosing to communicate.

continualdiamond

Thanks benice.

Before we got this letter hubby did suggest I go round with LO in the holidays to see them (my in laws and myself all work in a school). However I was honest with him and said I didn't feel comfortable doing that without him because I don't have that kind of relationship with them.

I have never been shopping with my mother in law or gone out to lunch or anything like that. Ever since we were forced to move out (father in law more so wanted that) we were then never invited for tea or anything like that.

We can't have them round to ours as do not have a dining room or a kitchen table for that matter as we just have a flat with extremely limited space.

I don't know if I could write a letter back. I'd think I'd just be seen as the bad person in all of this. Her choice of the word 'doomed' is a bit hard to take.

Anyway moving on re LO's. I have another weaning question. I have chosen to start with lunch as LO's first meal but when do you increase it? It's been 3 weeks on Saturday and I've tried most fruit, vegetables and bread with her but do I then start offering food at night time?

As it turns out right now she is in bed and she has 2 bottles in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. Taking roughly 25oz of milk now, down from between 30 - 33oz a day since having lunch.

lazywife

CD that is extremely poor form from your MIL. And to use the word "Doomed" is awful! I'm very impressed that you didn't just throw the letter at your OH and demand he makes her apologise. It's very easy to say nasty things when she doesn't have to look you in the eye. I don't know what I would do. A part of me would like to go round all the time, text her, pretend you haven't been offended and be the bigger person. I have to be honest though and say I would kick off big time and don't know that I could bare to be in the same room as them for some time. Big hugs.

Saf, hopefully T will get better at going to bed sooner again and A will learn that's it's nice to sleep through the night again!

L.xxx

katiechoc_2

Thats awful CD, !!!!!! "doomed"? What is she hoping to achieve with that?! If it was me I think I'd write a concise reply back, totally polite and friendly, and just respond to any/some specifics - ie a bullet point explaining why you didn't jump up with happiness when she brought the flowers round, but acknowledge that she was making an effort though. Another bullet point with just a sentence or two about moving in with them and how you're grateful for that start etc but if thats how she felt she should have spoken up then rather than letting it fester all this time. Personally I wouldn't be able to let it go unmentionned, and I know there's no way on earth I could talk face to face about that as I'd end up in tears just agreeing with whatever tripe she was going on about. I do think its worth trying to stay civil though, after all she is your LO's granny and always will be.

Re weaning we had G on one meal a day for maybe a few days before we went to two, then a week and on to 3 meals a day.

continualdiamond

Thank you for the advice re the meals. Will try her with some breakfast then tomorrow. She usually wakes up at 5 - 6am and has a bottle but then wants her bed back and usually is awake at 8am then having another bottle about 9am.

So might offer her some breakfast in place of the bottle.

I agree re writing a letter as being a lot easier to say what you want. Don't think she would of said any of it to my face and I would be the same talking face to face and would end up backing down and just agreeing with everything she said no matter what it was.

I understand people need to vent, but just wish she'd kept it to herself like a journal or something on her computer rather than feeling the need to print it out and leave it for us to read.

I told my hubby how I felt and that for the time being I don't want to see them as wouldn't know how to act or what to say around them. I have to wonder if she meant for me to read it though, am starting to think maybe she just wrote it for her son to read but we weren't to know what it was about so just read it together.

Mrshaworth2b

Hope lazy and saffa have better sleep/early morning wakes!

Cd - I'd be concerned that your mil actually wanted to cause this much fuss, she should be wanting to keep your relationship sweet for her granddaughter? Only my opinion but I would go down the route of being extra nice but very firm... However I know if it was me I wouldn't be so nice lol!

Nothing much to report here, lo is half way there with his helmet in terms of measurements, he only has 8 weeks off. We cannot wait for it to come off though.

I have a busy weekend, going out with friends tonight, oh tomorrow and then working on Sunday.

Lo can now tell me where his shoes and socks go, where the fishes are, where the birds are (out the window) and I'm starting on his nose and teeth lol! He's walking up and down the room now so I know he'll need walking shoes in the next few weeks before we go away, just planning on driving a couple of hours away and staying on self catering accommodation by the sea. Looking forward to a week off work however!

Hope all other ladies are ok. I read this forum everyday but generally don't have anything to contribute anymore

Crabapple

CD - if you're going to do breakfast, unless baby is likely to eat a lot I'd not drop the bottle just yet, else you might end up with a hungry babber! Perhaps try something like baby porridge that gets made up with some of her milk as well.

So sorry about your MIL. It's difficult fitting into another family (and taking on a son is especially hard I think because some mums find it hard to let go). Having the grandkids makes it harder because you don't want them to miss out on a relationship.

I'd be tempted to write a letter in your position, even if you don't give it to her, just get your thoughts down and out of your head. If you aren't used to spending time alone with them then you really don't want to start just now either so I'd wait for hubby to go, or get him to take your daughter alone at least next time x

Things are still crazy here with a newborn, even though he's nearly 8 weeks old now. Loving the smiles and that he's far more alert and taking in the world, but still not loving the night feeds!

Crabapple

I have two lots of in-laws as hubby's parents divorced many years ago and remarried.

One side are quite religious catholics, and I am the heathen dil (they like me, but I forget things like saying grace before eating and don't cross myself when praying cos I was raised CoE and we never did).

The other side are (mostly) functioning alcoholics :-(

continualdiamond

Mrshaworth - sounds like you have some lovely things coming up, enjoy.

Crabapple - funnily enough I was thinking of making up porridge this morning so she still got some of her milk. I started with baby rice at lunch time for the same reason before moving onto other things.

It is definitely hard fitting into another family even more so given that we met online when we were 18 and suddenly at 21 I was moving here.

Obviously clearly now given this letter that mentions things from 11 years ago I wish they were just honest back then. It's hard dealing with what's been raised now given how much time has past and now that we have a daughter together.

I think I might write a letter but never hand it over, might help me.

Hope everyone has a nice day. I'm off to weight watchers and then out for lunch with the friend I saw yesterday. She's been fantastic and has been the one person who has kept in regular contact from the moment I started my maternity leave as we're work colleagues as well.

lao_cat

Oh big hugs CD I am sorry your MIL felt the need to be so negative. I think your response depends on how much your relationship and your DH relationship with them means to you. I would suggest being considered in your response, I am not saying that you should not be upset or angry but sometimes the long term benefits from being the bigger person are worth it.

Hope everyone is well, I had c booked into crèche and was due to start settling in when they called to say that the no longer had a place for him. Work are being a pain as I had to delay my return date. On the plus side I get another month with C but its less than ideal financially or professionally