Oh come on! Stake through the heart. A little sunlight. It's like falling off a log"

Pooky

My Mum doesn't believe in depression either and I have to admit that I had no idea how dibilitating it could be until I watched hubby go deeper and deeper into it. He didn't realise but thankfully listened to me and saw the GP, his meds are stable now and every now and then I see a glimmer of my "old" husband back. My mum still has trouble with the concept but she's a little more understanding (at times). She has to take medication for life for a thyroid condition so I asked her how she'd cope without her pills and she said she couldn't......she had never realised that depression is a chemical imbalance not just "feeling a bit down".

Without the meds I don't think we'd still be together, as much as I love him I couldn't watch him getting darker and darker. I know he has every good reason to be depressed but it's fixable, unlike the rest of his issues.

You're bound to feel down about your Mum going away, it will be adding to your overall stress. I do hope she has a lovely time though.

Hope you've enjoyed your Disney fest (what did you watch?)

Northern_Lassy

Darling Buffy, depression is very real, take it from someone who knows....for some people medication can be a massive help and can alleviate sadness and help you live the kind of life you deserve and would enjoy x It might be worth a try sweetheart xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Big hugs Buffles.

Hope Disney cheered you up. Xx

Shortie

Hiya Buffy, only just stumbled across your Diary (I'm a shocker for jumping straight into 'User Profile', checking thread updates and wandering back off.. whoops.

Off to catch up now!

Buffythedebtslayer

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Hiya Buffy

I have an unexpected day off work too, car trouble. Nothing serious though, all fixed now.

Is it cold where you are? Brrr...it's cold here in Cornwall. Woke up to ice this morning, had to spray de icer into my car locks as couldnt unlock the car! Then, when i put my 9 yr old in through the boot to open the rest of the doors, the car wouldnt start!

Anyhow, i went back inside and got MY PJs back on after dropping said 9 yr old at school

Your day of Disney sounds lovely

I have to get PJs off and civvies back on, as i am off to an appointment in a bit. Will dig the gloves out!

Weirdly I stayed in work clothes! but it was a good day. I wish they were always like this. might go and put my pjs on now. and have some chocolate.

Pooky wrote: »

My Mum doesn't believe in depression either and I have to admit that I had no idea how dibilitating it could be until I watched hubby go deeper and deeper into it. He didn't realise but thankfully listened to me and saw the GP, his meds are stable now and every now and then I see a glimmer of my "old" husband back. My mum still has trouble with the concept but she's a little more understanding (at times). She has to take medication for life for a thyroid condition so I asked her how she'd cope without her pills and she said she couldn't......she had never realised that depression is a chemical imbalance not just "feeling a bit down".

Without the meds I don't think we'd still be together, as much as I love him I couldn't watch him getting darker and darker. I know he has every good reason to be depressed but it's fixable, unlike the rest of his issues.

You're bound to feel down about your Mum going away, it will be adding to your overall stress. I do hope she has a lovely time though.

Hope you've enjoyed your Disney fest (what did you watch?)

It's odd really. I never used to appreciate her half as much as I do now. I shall miss her.


I watched Bugs life and Bolt. and then an amazing film called Cloud Atlas which I feel the whole world should watch. whilst pretending to mark.

Northern_Lassy wrote: »

Darling Buffy, depression is very real, take it from someone who knows....for some people medication can be a massive help and can alleviate sadness and help you live the kind of life you deserve and would enjoy x It might be worth a try sweetheart xx

I don't know why I am so anti meds. I think I am not so much anti them but want to try other things.


The chicken soup was nice, Sainsbury's only got 26 of my pounds this week.


gp food - this week's fresh food
yoghurt - breakfast for next week 8 for 1.50!
quiche x 2 - lunch this week, and dinner at weekend
apples - snack
eggs - baking and dinner
sweet corn - add to the soup, and salad with quiche
crackers - snack
coke - lunch
loaf tin - baking
and 5 lunch boxes - value range, £3.00!


Not bad really.


This weekend is all about the freezer and tidying up/sorting cupboards to meal plan


This week dinner is


Wednesday - chicken soup! (might buy fresh bread)
Thursday - have some sausages - in the fridge, might make toad in the hole.
Friday - fish cakes and oven chips.


Lunch is quiche.


breakfast is yoghurt


I went to make a Doctors' appointment today. no space. which seems nuts.


xxx

Shortie

Right, all up to date with your diary (but not ready any previous diaries)

I'm another who respects depression. I don't suffer but someone close to me does.

It does sound like you are very hard on yourself Buffy. Maybe one of your targets for the year should include being easier on yourself xxx

About tidiness - I very much feel the feel the pain there. I think people are either born to be uber tidy, or born to fight the clutter. I'm a clutter fighter, and unfortunately Mr Shortie doesn't even fight it (unless I nag him). BUT inside my head is someone who craves tidiness and order so I can get really frustrated/upset/down about the mess..

I also don't think I want to be doing my job. But, it pays a wage, keeps me out of mischief and ticking over, and in truth I don't think I'd know what I wanted to do otherwise anyway... So, I carry on knowing it pays the bills


When does your Mum go away? Will you try and keep occupied by being online / seeing others / keeping busy?

Oh, and... regarding sleep... I've always been a complete night owl. I'd like to say that it's because I don't need much sleep but in truth it's because I was always worried I'd miss out on something, whilst also feeling I had to eeeeeek as much time out of my evening as my work day takes up so much of my time. I used to ignore the magazines etc where they said that you need at least 7 hours sleep a night and would frequently get only 4-5 ready to face a full day's sleep.
Then I watched a series of 'Trust Me I'm a Doctor' and it covered sleep and the science behind not getting enough - it was talking about genes being switched on and with enough and too little sleep and I decided there and then that I was doing myself not justice so from the next evening (not that one, as I went to bed late watching the program ) I vowed to go to bed at 10.30.
And the odd thing? For weeks, I was pooped around 10.30 and had to go to bed. Sometimes even earlier.. But my routine, over 2 night suddenly got reset - after years of bad sleep patterns. And I really feel it now when I go to bed late, and I also sleep in late every weekend at the moment which is not like me at all... It's definitely worth trying a few nights of early sleep to see if your body needs it?

Right, that said, I've just realised the time and am off to bed myself. Night xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Hi Shortie,


thanks for reading, don't read the others they are all the same - in debt, do well, stay in crap job, date crap men, get out of debt, more crap men, in debt, nearly pay it off, leave crap job, work in to another crap job (it's not, I just don't want to do it) have debt, all with a sprinkling of depression (and clutter) which I didn't fully acknowledge until maybe the last year?


I wonder how many of my problems are down to lack of sleep - 5 maybe six hours if I am lucky. Also stay up for exactly the same reasons!


do you know what has been lovely today?


1. kind thoughtful supportive posts on my diary
2. finding lots of help
3. discovering others are in a similar position, depressed, in debt, single, whatever. No one is really alone.


as I am also born to fight clutter I have nicked Chicken noodle's idea re selling everything to pay off the debts. Can do that now Mum is off on holidays.
- she left today btw X


3 days of work to get through. then a regroup


night all and thank you ALL. very kind. and I am all emotional now!


Love Buffy XX

Rollercoaster_Rach

Hi Buffy

I understand the 'regroup' thing for starters!:)

I always compare myself to others and think 'how do they do it...I'm so rubbish!' However, we never see the frantic stuff behind the scenes!

Our job directly has a self esteem knock on effect unfortunately in these times....a roller coaster!

Very jealous of your film watching pretend marking day! Most mornings I wake and think for a second..can I actually do this today :eek: particularly on little sleep. Always pull it together by saying ' got to pay the bills!'

Take care...you are certainly not alone x

RR x

Sun_Addict

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

as I am also born to fight clutter I have nicked Chicken noodle's idea re selling everything to pay off the debts. Can do that now Mum is off on holidays.
- she left today btw X


Hi Buffy - hope your mum doesn't come back to an empty house!

Hope you're feeling a bit more upbeat today. Lack of sleep can make you feel rotten. Some people can get by on just a few hours, I'm not one of them unfortunately. Sounds like you need a lot of sleep too. Never compare yourself to anyone else - we all all unique! Concentrate on what you are good at (and don't say nothing!).

It's great that people start out on these diaries to help them clear debt then end up sharing their problems. There's always someone in the same boat. Venting on here definitely makes you feel better.

]

Shortie

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

3 days of work to get through. then a regroup

Actually, this is a pretty okay way of looking at it. I'm having a very 'meh' spell at work. I don't hate it, but I'm not inspired at the moment and so that makes me bored, and the cycle continues. I've segmented my week (roughly) now to get myself thorugh it: Monday is an admin and meetings day, Tuesday is ..well.. just Tuesday, Wednesday ("hump day" - ie middle of the week ) lunchtime is the pivotal point in my head, Thursday is looking forward to Friday, and Friday is nearly the weekend. Okay, I should just do something I love instead of compartmentalise my working life like that but while this job pays the money and neither work or I change that, I've conditioned myself to break it up that way to make it more bearable