Oh come on! Stake through the heart. A little sunlight. It's like falling off a log"

Buffythedebtslayer

Do you know who you are? Do you understand what has happened to you? Do you want to live this way?


Been watching Grey's Anatomy. It resonated a great deal tonight. Often does actually. Really sad. But equally interesting.


I do like my tv programmes don't I ?


Money wise am ok. Things will be tight this month as I have to pay off the tescos card. I swear that card will be prised out of my cold dead hands at this rate! On the plus side I have 77.50 in clubcard vouchers...


Mum is really tired. She left the oven on tonight after dinner. House is a mess. As work has stressed me out so it has stressed her out. Was going to do loads today, went to work, went shopping


6.33 on Guinea Pigs.
16.00 on garden
3.05 on lunch was SO hungry when I finished work. Should have gone to the baker's cheaper than m and S


Came home had lunch! slept from 3.30 till 6.30!


since then done nothing really. dinner was a ready meal. I have a tummy ache (!)


be back later, keep losing posts XXX

beanielou

Have you been to the Dr recently then Buffy?
Asks nosey beanie!!!

Buffythedebtslayer

Just a quick update debt wise


I am 4192 on one card, 571 on the other one..........


xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning.


This time, this weekend last year I had decided to give my notice in. I remember mainly because I was also celebrating my then bf's birthday. I really did (do?) love him. It was a lovely weekend. Felt happy and peaceful with him and having made the decision I was so looking forward to the future. Really excited. I was happy.


Of course a month later he said he no longer wanted to see me and I had to survive a hideous and shocking breakup whilst working at the horrible place where as I was leaving some people were openly nasty. It was a tough few months and a horrible lonely summer.I thank God for my friends, especially the ones I made on here. I did a fun run with them the weekend I was supposed to be with him and they got me through it.


I still really miss him actually. Think of him a lot. Was shopping the other day and the memories......we did have a good time. Also last night was looking for a part time job for the summer and all of them were near him! It must have been a glitch in the website as I redid the search and the jobs were all local to me but it was very strange. shook me.


Mind you I got through it all, escaped the horrible place and kept my mental health in tact (well for the most part!). Got a job which I do enjoy even if it is a pressured at times.


I think though since then I haven't had an aim or goal aside from get through each day or week. I really need one. The exhaustion of getting through the old job and the break up plus dealing with Mum and depression was the focus. I do feel better now (not this last week, too much on my mind) and I think I really need to get my dreams back on track. I don't really know what they are. What do I want?


Now that is out in the world back to practicalities, want to put my desk up today and perhaps do a little gardening. Marking must feature too unfortunately.


So yeah. got animals to clean out. Loads to do. need a nap


XX


P.s


Mum is going to docs Beanie and will make me an appointment. honest!

please-let-me-be-lucky

Sorry to hear you sounding down Buffles. Special dates always make things harder don't they?!

It must be hard that you still feel love for the ex, but you honestly deserve better. For all it was cruel that he told you he didn't want to see you again, it's perhaps better that way than to be in a relationship that one party isn't committed to. You need someone who feels lucky every day to be your other half.

It's great that you are being proactive in looking for a job! You never know who you might meet at the next one!! Xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Just a quick update debt wise


I am 4192 on one card, 571 on the other one..........


xx

Ps, this means I have £12 more debt than you! Race you to debt free???

in_need_of_direction

gotta say, i prefer buffles as a nickname to buffster. buffster always conjures up a diet coke man like image.

Buffythedebtslayer

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Sorry to hear you sounding down Buffles. Special dates always make things harder don't they?!

It must be hard that you still feel love for the ex, but you honestly deserve better. For all it was cruel that he told you he didn't want to see you again, it's perhaps better that way than to be in a relationship that one party isn't committed to. You need someone who feels lucky every day to be your other half.

It's great that you are being proactive in looking for a job! You never know who you might meet at the next one!! Xx

You talk sense Lucky you really do XXXX thank you xx

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Ps, this means I have £12 more debt than you! Race you to debt free???

Oh God you will kick my !!!!! Seriously. I have been quite rubbish. But ok, go on!


Since posting I have been doing sums. reading different posts on here and wondering what I want.


When we were very young, my best friend (who I MUST text) quit uni and took a temp job for 3 months. They wanted her to stay but she took a holiday to Cornwall, drove herself there, didn't talk to any one at home and had a fab time.


She took 3 months off visiting sleeping driving whatever she wanted. It is something I have considered


I read so many stories on here about bucking the trend and thinking outside the box living life differently. I mean why not? Why not be different? I have for a long time wanted my own house. But the depression has talked me out of that along with that small thing the recession! Now I think...well it will be a long term thing. years and years. but it was never going to arrive tied in a bow tomorrow so hey. May as well get on with it.


I think the over all feeling is I want less ties in my life. or rather less ties in my job. which I am doing.


having lots of thoughts here.

please-let-me-be-lucky

It is better to regret the things you did do, than the things you didn't. Xx

Buffythedebtslayer

So I er gardened!


Its been bugging the crap of me that I paid last year to have the garden "done" for Mum so she would have a good start, but my essentially my bil and sis who come and do the garden kind of got the hump? I think they did anyway and so didn't do any gardening any more for a few months. Really now they only cut the grass and bil seems to think it is best to take ages to do anything and so slowly over the years my parents' lovely garden has gone to ruin. So I did a bit today, made a plan to do a bit more next week. It isn't as bad as it was, as the guys did a wicked job last year so it is in effect only one year of neglect.


Post garden Mum made a lovely lunch and I had a nap !! for TWO HOURS.


Feel ok now but felt dreadful after the gardening. I must be so unfit


any how have to walk the dogs. must sort out hair first - sleeping on damp hair, lets just say I look like I have had a shock!


XXXX