Oh come on! Stake through the heart. A little sunlight. It's like falling off a log"

in_need_of_direction

Good to hear you're still with us and still able for that debt. I love dead poets too. Aldo, dangerous mind though in a much more cheesy way.

Buffythedebtslayer

thanks all :)XXX


I do love this place. Last week here, so pretty busy.....


Will be back on Friday hopefully typing by the lights of the Christmas Tree XX

Buffythedebtslayer

SO am off work.


That is a good thing. However I do find Christmas really bloody hard and this is the only place I can say that without making anyone feel bad!


I also have to put the tree up today and have so much house work to do.
and shopping


and nothing to look forward too. Well ok that isn't true.


Cards on the table, my best mates and I get together and they bring their children and all hang out together for the day.


For me it awful, (and yes I am being a baby) house full, lots of in family jokes, comparing notes on motherhood and husbands, cbbies is on ALL DAY and I generally sit there either baby sitting or occasionally joining in the conversation if it is school related.


I love these women I do, but we simply aren't close now and I think I have different needs now from friendship? It is not just a social thing for me, I am not sitting there and sort of showing off? I need people who really speak about what is happening to them and plans, thoughts fears - we do not do that now. not this fake happy families crap. I have made a lot of friends since we all moved apart and they had their children and I just feel that I don't get anything from it?


I know this is partly my huge resentment about not having children. But when I am with my newer friends I don't feel like that, it is I suppose because it is we are more of a mixture? some do have kids and some don't. it isn't such a "thing" and I don't feel such a failure.


I understand that is my problem - they are lovely people and have great kids - not annoying etc or badly behaved. I suppose I am just disappointed? that we have all changed and actually almost cannot hang out in a group as we did. I am not daft I know people change I just think it is hard to lose friends when you don't think you have done anything wrong? -but it is a constant pressure to be married and have babies etc. I had a friend during the week - someone I respect hugely break down over a guy she didn't even like because it represented yet another failure and she was sick of it. sick of not being enough.
and I know how she feels.


And this day just brings me down and brings it home and it is all hurtful.


Right had to get that out of my system. now to put up the tree.

in_need_of_direction

Hey you, you've been missed. It's weird but I went thru the same issue but from the opposite side of the fence as I was the first and for a considerable period the only one of our group with children. I bet that deep down they are all jealous of your life, its freedoms, etc. they don't feel they can admit it as doing so seems like a betrayal of the kids. It's so not! Just do what you need to do and get through the day but bear in mind what I said. Also, have a think on friends there for a reason, a season or life. If these are lifers rather than a season, you just need to suck it up and get on with things. Anyhow, take care and try to enjoy the nits you can.

lulabelle

Big hugs Buffy. I know exactly how you feel. I also know what you mean re your friend and the fact she was upset not really because she liked HIM but what he potentially represented


Hang in there, 2015 almost here - fresh start time for all xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks guys XX figured you'd understand.


Have shopped and shopped and shopped. Now need to wrap wrap wrap. and then tidy tidy tidy.


not really feeling it to be honest.


phoned some friends to wish them happy Christmas. that was tough. all the kids in the back ground. This is what happens, this is life now. I have made my choices. Still it is just one time of year. Worse things that happen at sea etc etc.


this too shall pass


Merry Christmas XXXXX


Edited to add,


paid off spends card (eek) but expect there will be a small bill.


paid 200 pounds off the big card so debt is 2900.


And I want to be Emily Prentis from Criminal Minds (yes was feeling festival so I put Criminal Minds on!)

StressedSteph

Hi Buffy,

Glad its not just me that feels Christmas is just a hell of alot of hard work, full of emotional guilt trips, pressure to have the PERFECT time, house, food, presents blah blah blah. Don't even get me started on New Years Eve!!!.

It is definitely my least favorite time of the year, it just makes people feel rubbish if they do not have the traditional set up of household that we have come to feel we should have.

What are you doing for Christmas day?. Are you with relatives, friends, partner?.

This time of year I always find myself just wishing the New year to come quickly to get rid of all this chaos and expenses. Pressure to not forget anyones bloomin Christmas card. God how I hate Christmas cards. I barely sent any this year, I even hate receiving them as they mess up my shelves and fall all over the place. I have actually put most of mine in the recycling :rotfl:.

Keep smiling hun, find a cosy corner of a sofa with a large glass of your favourite and see this period out in a blur :kisses3:

xxxxxx

Sun_Addict

I'm with you on this pressure to be having a good time at Christmas malarkey. The best thing to do in my opinion is go on holiday and be on a sunlounger with a cocktail in your hand Christmas Day. Would love to do this but it's so expensive. NY Eve is the same, all this "have you got your outfit for New Year's Eve" in the media. I'm usually fast asleep come midnight but this year I've succumbed and we're going out. Hope you have a good day tomorrow despite everything, if all else fails just get drunk!

Knit_Witch

Don't do Christmas (I celebrated on Sunday for the Solstice) and my NYE outfit will be yoga pants and a t-shirt and I will be watching a DVD with Dr Witch, the two Cairns and a glass or two of something nice!

I may not even see January in :rotfl:

StressedSteph

Merry Christmas Buffy, Hope you have a lovely day whatever you are doing xxxxx