scared of dying

flamingo747

I have no idea what I hope to get out of posting this, but I need to say it somewhere. I'm terrified of dying. I'm scared of the unending nothingness of just being gone. I'm scared of what would happen to my dh and ds. I'm scared I'll die young or have something awful wrong with me. I'm scared that it will all just stop, and the world will just go on, and of how utterly irrelevant my brief existence was.
Morbid, isn't it? I get times, particularly late at night, where I brood about this. I hate it. I'm only 30. I have a gorgeous toddler and a lovely husband. Things aren't great financially, but we scrape by. I've had this on and off for years, but it's bad again at the moment. I'm not really religious, though come from a very relaxed Christian family. For a while I believed in the pagan ideas about life, but I've lost that. I have no real faith in anything. Ny head says when we die, we die, just like all other life, plants, insects. It just stops.

Am I losing my mind? Am I the only one terrified by this?

tattycath

flamingo747 wrote: »

I have no idea what I hope to get out of posting this, but I need to say it somewhere. I'm terrified of dying. I'm scared of the unending nothingness of just being gone. I'm scared of what would happen to my dh and ds. I'm scared I'll die young or have something awful wrong with me. I'm scared that it will all just stop, and the world will just go on, and of how utterly irrelevant my brief existence was.
Morbid, isn't it? I get times, particularly late at night, where I brood about this. I hate it. I'm only 30. I have a gorgeous toddler and a lovely husband. Things aren't great financially, but we scrape by. I've had this on and off for years, but it's bad again at the moment. I'm not really religious, though come from a very relaxed Christian family. For a while I believed in the pagan ideas about life, but I've lost that. I have no real faith in anything. Ny head says when we die, we die, just like all other life, plants, insects. It just stops.

Am I losing my mind? Am I the only one terrified by this?

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. Have you told anyone how you feel? I think you would probably benefit from seeing a professional if it is having a negative impact on your life.

ariba10

Death in all probability will be no different to what we knew before we were born.

I am probably a little closer to the exit door than you are and I think I am more concerned out the actual event rather than the after.

Tberry

I think we're all scared of the unknown-ness of dying, but it shouldn't be a constant in your life, so I agree with an earlier posting, you should speak to someone, preferably trained in counselling, and get to the reason why you think about it so much. I sincerely hope you do it soon, I'd love to read a posting from you down the line, where you are happy and light hearted and enjoying your enviable youth.

meritaten

this is becoming an 'irrational' fear. I think you should see your GP and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist. You NEED professional help - we all have moments of realising our own mortality - but you seem to go beyond that.
I could tell you to live in the moment - but I don't think that will help as you have enough awareness to post on here.
Get professional help - GP may suggest counselling or refer you to psychiatrist.

Tiddlywinks

Why not make all your preparations as a 'just in case'... that way, you've done your best for your family which should go some way to ease your mind? That's not being morbid but actually being thoughtful.

On a practical front, make sure you have enough insurance, that you have let your next of kin know of your funeral wishes plus any requests about 'end of life' care. Don't forget a will and thinking about leaving some keepsakes for family members.

On an emotional level, tell you family how much you care about them. Take lots of photos so they have reminders of good times and perhaps prepare a keepsake box with letters in... again, as a just in case.

So, now to the big one.... we are all going to die. And most of us are scared by the unknown - even those with faith will still have a wobble every now and again.

Now we know it's an absolute certainty - what can you do about it? Well, talk to someone about it... get some counselling if it really is casting a shadow over your life.

It's normal to worry about the 'what will happen' etc but not to the point where it is ruining your enjoyment of life.

Talk to someone...




PS - only click on this link if you want to see someone looking at the lighter side of death:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9eQ8_T1ytU

maas

This reminds me when I was younger (around 9 to 10) and I had an incredible fear of dying which was overwhelming. I was often in tears in bed thinking about it.

That im gonna get old and die!! OMG. I even looked at the clock and it would be say 18:00, and then i would look back at it a while later and it would be 18:30 and I would be trembling with fear knowing that I was 30 minutes closer to death!

And this is as a kid in junior school!

It only lasted for a few days but it was horrible! Everyone I spoke to just laughed and said you go to heaven if you believe in that which I didnt.

The fear just ended a few days later and stopped thinking about. And now im ironically the most detached from that line of thinking.

My line of thought it just enjoy life

RoxieW

I am exactly the same OP - you're not alone. Can I ask when this came on? You mention you have a toddler? My fear came on as part of post natal depression. 11 yrs on it still remains but not to the same extent. Anti depressants have helped me.

flamingo747

I should probably add to it... It's not constant, it's not every day even, but at times in my life it can happen each day.
I have seizures linked to my thyroid. When I have them, they leave big holes of nothingness in my recollection. I only know there's a gap because I'm concious again. It started when I was 18, and they were every 6 ish months til I was 24. Then 6 years of no seizures. Then out of the blue on the day after my 30th I had one whilst out alone. I was found by strangers, unconscious on the pavement. From where I last remember, I'd walked half a mile, crossing a busy road. I could easily have been hit by a car or collapsed in the road. If I'd had ds with me in the pram, he could have bee killed, or abducted.
It's knocked my confidence for six, I'm anxious about it when I'm out, even with my medical alert necklace.
I guess this is probably where a lot of it stems from.

flamingo747

RoxieW- it is definitely stronger since having him. He's 21 months.

Anoneemoose

I was the same aftwr having my youngest son. I had AWFUL post natal health anxiety. I was utterly convinced at times that I was going to die. Every lump/bump/cough/sniffle/sore throat/headache etc etc was cancer of some sort.

I even used to tell my husband to make sure he found someone so he wasn't alone but they had to love my kids. And then I would have shoulder shaking sobs after.

I would really recommend professional help...I had cbt (which is one of many types of therapy) and it helped immensely. I still have the odd wobble now and again, but it is on the whole, better. Please don't feel alone...you're certainly not the only one who has these irrational fears. Make an app with your gp and then you can start to feel better.