Learning to think like a frugal person

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

My credits for the day - I had a planned shopping expedition with my kids today - to get swimmers for one and sandals for the other. My credits out of this are:

1. I stayed in the budget!

2. I thought my way around a potential extra purchase. There were a pair of boots in my younger daughter's size on markdown because they were the last pair. very good price. I was tempted to buy them but then realised that if I did that the older one would be very upset because she has been asking for new boots and I have said she has to wait until winter. In the past what would have happened here is that I would have bought the bargain boots and then a full price pair as well for the older girl. But today I accepted that that simply wasn't an option. My initial thought was to buy the bargain pair and put them away until winter, by which time I will be able to afford a pair for the older daughter - which would enable them to get boots at the same time. Then the older daughter started noticing other boots she liked better and I suggested that we wait until winter when she can choose the pair she wants rather than getting the bargain ones. This was a good outcome because I would have been over budget if we bought the boots. NO CHOICE would have been an even simpler solution so I will remember that for next time!

It was a very different experience for me today than any other shopping with my kids. Normally it is a frenzy of overspending where I feel nagged and stressed and nobody has any fun. Today we were there to buy one thing each so we took our time choosing and it was a far nicer experience. I had thought that being frugal would make me a less fun mum but as it turns out I was far more 'present' with them today than I have been in the past. What a bonus!

chanie

FMG - with regards to the behavioural technique and the drinking a low calorie drink. That could be referring to emotional spending e.g. buying something to cheer your self up. So, in terms of food, it's about mistaking thirst for hunger, maybe the item we are craving us due to boredom or low self esteem. Just a thought.

I've been watching the programme 'extreme cheapskates' on Sky. Only managed to watch a bit of it before my son took over the tv. Anyway, it got me thinking about the people on it. In the same way that a spender tries to 'buy' things to make themselves happy, a cheapskate 'saves'. It occurred to me that both are obsessed with money and neither way is healthy.

I've been finding it really empowering living on my pocket money. I haven't felt deprived and have managed to save a little bit of money towards the children's treats for the end of the month. Part of being frugal for me us so that I can afford to do nice things as a family. Hopefully over the next few months, I will have been able to save some money to cover those times I do need to spend.

I've decided to wait another week before I move onto the next step of the plan. I do feel ready to move now, but I'm feeling quite good at the moment so I want to see how next week goes.

ForMyGirls

Chanie - i think it is a wise call to consolidate the changes you have made so far. I figure that when you are creating life long change it is more important to imbed the change slowly than do a rush job that hasn't really changed you.

Thanks for your thoughts on the alternative to thirst quenching - i think you are really right that often spending money is a response to boredom or emotional discomfort - just not sure what the simple fix is in the way that "drink some water" is a simple fix for it maybe being thirst not hunger. Will ponder on that.

No compulsive urges to spend today so no chance to try out my ability to resist! Sure there will be plenty in the future though.

Credits- managed to think "is there money in the budget?" as part of my process of deciding whether to give money to a busker. Had some money come in today that is destined for my kids school activities. In the past i would have used it to help cash flow until the deadline for payment but this time i am just paying the bill early.

ForMyGirls

Still no opportunity to try out my skills for avoiding compulsive soending - but we head off on holiday tomorrow so there will be plenty in the next few days!

Credits: choosing food today that used up perishables in the fridge so they wouldn't need to be thrown away before our trip; using my "enter it first" system when deciding what apps/ movies to get the kids for the travel time (it is about a 7 hour journey). Kept within the budget also noticed a bunch of feelings when packing kids' clothes about wishing they had nicer / more clothes and used "no choice" to recognise that there is no more in that budget right now.

Actually that might have been an opportunity to observe the "compulsive urge to spend" so i shall do it retrospectively. On the discomfort scale it was probably about a 5 (the temptation being to duck out and buy some clothes tomorrow morning before we leave). How long did it last? The actual thinking about spending was brief - maybe a minute. The grumpiness about it lasted a bit longer! Techniques i used: no choice; stand firm; a little bit of imagining the aftermath! It is interesting to notice how automatic these methods are now after so many months of using them for food

I am hoping to be able to check in each day while we are away. It is going to be my first holiday on a budget so i am sure i will have lots to debrief about!

chanie

Fmg - I find it hard to be frugal on holiday, so maybe it's okay to relax a little. Hope you all have a nice time.

I've been thinking about this whole process for a while now and have some observation:

time is money
I work full time, so I don't have the luxury of visiting multiple supermarkets on the same day to save pennies. This is okay - being frugal needs to fit into my lifestyle.

there are always bargains
I sometimes see bargains, which I think I have to buy then and there before I miss it. Even if I do miss it, another bargain will be along soon enough. Things are often overpriced anyway.

the best things in life are free
Not quite, but I should maximise any potential freebies. For example, if I have a day off work, I normally think I should go out, and end up spending money. I've just remembered that I can get free tea/coffee in ikea, so that will be a nice free treat - I have some free books in my kindle, so I could have a cuppa and time to read.

quality doesn't have to suffer
I used to buy expensive skincare, but have changed to a brand which is a fifth of the price. My skin is fine and I actually like this brand as much as the expensive stuff.

small steps to climb a mountain
Breaking things down into smaller tasks makes it seem more manageable. For example, I have a list of things we need for the house, which I can focus on buying every few weeks.

Most important of all, I have realised that my goals are actually with a few changes to my life style. I really want a holiday abroad this year and if I can use my pocket money wisely, the money I save can go towards this.



credits
I received a voucher for a free clinique lipstick, which I picked up today. It's a brighter colour than I'd normally wear, but it's a nice change. I will use this when I feel like a need a 'pick me up'

When in town, I bought dd some vests as she needed them, but I didn't get anything else and actually didn't want to spend my money, despite having a quick browse.

chanie

Credits for today

1) brought in lunch for work from home.
2) signed up for a Waitrose Supermarket loyalty card, which gives free tea/coffee, everyday. I had a free cuppa today as we are out of teabags in the office, so it was well timed.


3) this is a work related one (but ties in nicely with being frugal). We buy an optional work related product and I was considering whether is a value for money. A competitor have offered me a similar product for less than half the price.

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

Credits for yesterday
- packed cans of drink from home so that lunch on the road would be a bit cheaper;
- thought of a great strategy for combatting temptations to overspend while on holidays - where we are visiting is site of the future dream home so anytime i am tempted to overspend i can just look at the scenery and remember i am choosing between whatever the immediate indulgence is or getting to live in this paradise one day. Haven't had to use the strategy yet but i am armed and ready.

Chanie - my frugality is relaxed a bit for the holidays. I have a reasonably generous spending budget for each day. It is just that there is a budget rather than i "just whack everything on the credit card" wild abandon that has gotten me into so much trouble in the past.

I loved your observations so thank you for sharing them. I especially liked "small steps to climb a mountain". Particularly useful this morning as i have had a bit of a dissapointment that my leave bonus is smaller than i thought (i forgot about tax!). I was hoping to have about $500 to whack against the debt after using some for spending money. But it will only be about $150. Was feeling a bit disheartened but reading your small steps reminded me that the $150 is still an important step forwards. Thank you!

Loved the observation that you didn't want to spend extra morning when buying DD vests. What a great shift in thinking :-)

chanie

Well done for bringing your drinks from home on your road trip. I work in a very expensive part of London, where prices are hiked up for tourists, so I try and buy what I need nearer to home, as its much cheaper.

Its a shame that you didn't get as much money as you thought you would, but, think positive - something is better than nothing.

I need a hobby
I thought about this yesterday. On my way home from work, I had the urge to look in a few shops on my way home from work. I was feeling a bit 'meh' about life. I didn't see anything in the first shop, but I saw some make up in the second shop which was on offer. I really tempted to buy it, even though I recently bought a similar product, which I am using. I do prefer this new one.

As I left the shop, I realised that it wasn't the product I wanted, but the 'buzz' of buying the product - hence the urge to look in the shops. The thing I love about shopping, is spotting something I want, paying for it at the till, knowing that it will soon be mine, carrying the bags around and then going home and enjoying it (for a short while!!!).

Anyway, I realised that it was the buzz I needed, hence needing a hobby, other than shopping. My problem is that I don't have much free time and the time I do have, is spent looking after the children, other than the hour or so I get when they are asleep. My partner's hobbies are his Playstation, playing poker or supporting his favourite football team. My sister enjoys Church. I don't really have anything that excites me. I need something to do, which I enjoy, doesn't involve spending money and can fit in at home, around family life.

I have attempted a few hobbies over the years:

knitting/crochet - can knit and learned to crochet whilst on my first maternity leave. I do quite enjoy doing this, but I have quite a short attention span, so I don't enjoy knitting 'big' things like scarves and jumpers. I knitted some mini Christmas stockings, which I really enjoyed. The problem with knitting is that I have loads of unfinished products at home..... Maybe I need to revisit my knitting, as I had a little project in mind for Easter (believe me, I need to start these things early!!!).

Growing veg - I loved growing veg and one year, got loads of produce. I even got an allotment, which was in spitting distance from my house, but I didn't have the time to go over there, as its difficult to get anything done with the children, so I gave it up.

Crafting - there are some brilliant crafters here on MSE. I did make a few small items. I'm not very creative, but I'm good at adapting the ideas of others. The problem with crafting, is that to do it well, you do need to spend money.

I'm having a bit of a lull at work at the moment. I have been here for 7 years, but I'm feeling a need a bit of a change. The problem I have at the moment, is that this job suits me, as it fits in with my childcare commitments and getting a new job is likely to disrupt that.

I guess I need to find something to give me that buzz.

ForMyGirls

Chanie,

I so understand all you say. I do think that so often the desire to spend is about wanting to have fun - or to get the buzz as you say it. And fitting a hobby in around work and young kids is very very hard. Is there a way that you could arrange things so you can get the time you need? Would your partner be willing to have defined times where he will be in charge of the kids and you can go to the allotment, or sit quietly somewhere and knit? Or is there a household task you could ask him to take over that happens in the evening so that you have an extra half hour which you can use to knit? I think sometimes just knowing that there is a carved out bit of time that is yours, and yours alone, can do wonders - even if it is only a couple of times a week.

I say this all from a do as i say not as i do position as i don't have a hobby! I am lucky though that i really love my job and get a lot of buzz from that. In any event - i hope that you find a way to get the buzz you need!

Credits: i am on budget for my holiday today; i put back some items in a shop today that i managed to work out were not essential; i thought about whether there was money in the budget before every purchase today; i worked out a "kill two birds with one stone" plan today of buying the kids souvenier T-shirts - increases their wardrobe at the same time as giving them a momento.

No real chances to test out my "dealing with urges to spend" skills today.

chanie

My partner is very supportive and we always give each other time if we need it. However, our children are 3 and 1, so have absolutely no understanding of 'leave Mummy alone, ask Daddy'!!!! I tend to have 'me time' when they are asleep.

Great idea of 'kill two birds with one stone'. When we go away, I sometimes buy cheap toys etc from shops near home and then give them to the children when we are away, so they have something 'new and exciting' to play with.