Learning to think like a frugal person

iammumtoone

Hello everyone

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days but I have been reading. FMG well done on putting the 'extra' money towards the debt, that is a good way of thinking. Filly nice to 'meet' one of FMGs friends from the other forum, I found it very interesting what you said about frugal v cheapskate, it made me think about myself and maybe where I am going wrong. I think I am trying to become cheapskate rather than frugal hence why I am failing, I can now see that some 'luxury' items are allowed as long as they are good value.

I have decided on an official start date of 6th Jan, this is when I will start to log all of my spends but in the meantime I am keeping a close eye on spending in my head.

I have written out some plans and thought I would share the shopping one with you all. The first thing is to meal plan and write a list, I can do this but have got out of the habit lately, my problem is sticking to the list I cannot resit buying things when they are on special offer.

Plan A - to type list into the online shopping site and write beside each item the cost and total so I know before I go how much I should be spending, hopefully this will encourage me to stick to the list
Plan B - go the the scan and shop supermarket

If I don't have time for plan A at least with plan B I can still see what I am spending as I go round, plan B is a bigger shop so more temptation be be avoided but I need to learn to resist.

To clear the debt and de-clutter at the same time Plan A is to list 3 things on ebay a day, Plan B is to take the items to the charity shop. This will be daily so if I don't get chance to list I will put 3 items in my car boot ready to drop off at the shop next time I go. I am not sure how much of ebay sales to put to the debt, I have tried this before and gave up as it is a lot of hassle and I found even though the debt was clearing I wasn't actually seeing anything for my hard work, so this time I might do a 70/30 split and keep 30% as treat money, hopefully that will encourage me to keep at it.

I have also decided to look at my debt in small chunks and concentrate on one of those at a time. I will work on £500 at a time and this seems achievable, £500 is alot of money to me I am currently on benefits so having to find the money out of 'nowhere' as my budget is already very tight. Once I find work I will be able to clear my debt quicker, however this is proving to be harder that I thought it would be I was a SAHM when I was with my ex.

I struggled to think of a credit for yesterday as I overspend on the treat money. DS asked for a dvd which I got for him, we can watch it later when we stay up however that put us over budget I didn't spend anything on myself though so will give myself credit for that.

ForMyGirls

Day 11 of Beck’s book is called Differentiate Between Hunger, Desire and Cravings. She talks about three different reasons that we eat - physical hunger, a desire to eat (for reasons other than physical hunger) and cravings (a physiological and/or psychological yearning for a particular food). She says that most (maybe all) people who are overweight have trouble telling the difference between these motivations and often think they are hungry when in fact it is a different motivation in operation.

I think this equates, in the world of money, to the range of motivations for spending money. To my mind there are probably 4 (for me at least). One is genuine need - need for food, medication, shelter. Two is desire - desire for a new computer that runs faster. Three is to suppress emotion - “I feel sad so I’ll buy some new clothes”. Four is chasing excitement - “writing notes in meetings will be so much more fun if I’ve got one of those Moleskin notebooks”.

I think I probably do confuse these motivations sometimes. I had a head cold last week and was going to buy a saline nasal spray. I didn’t have any money left in my “medical expenses” budget. I debated a good long while whether going into the red on this category would be justified - initially it seemed like a ‘need’ because it was about my health. But then when I thought about it a bit more I realised that the Vicks I have at home would probably have a very similar effect so while the spray might give me a little more relief it was far from essential - I have lived through many a head cold without a nasal spray! While I didn’t think about it at the time, in hindsight the motivation to buy the spray was probably “chasing excitement” - the promise of solving my nasal congestion problem in a new and novel way!

In Beck’s book she has a task for Day 11 which is to monitor one’s hunger after each meal in a day. Note down the thoughts and physical sensations before, immediately after and 20 minutes after eating - and rate one’s hunger on a scale of 1 to 10 each time. I remember when I did this exercise realising that I actually wasn’t that hungry most of the time.

Doing this monitoring exercise will need to operate a bit differently in the financial domain because we don’t have regular spending times like we have meals each day. So what I am going to do is do the monitoring exercise the next 3 times I have cause to spend money. Instead of 20 minutes after spending though I will do the delayed observation 2 days afterwards. Not sure quite how this will work, but I will give it a try. It does mean that “Day 11” will take a few days. Though I don’t think that will be a problem - you would probably all appreciate the chance to catch up at this point!

I’ll let you know how I go each time - and I will keep posting some daily credits as well so that I can keep practising the skills I have already developed. And I’d love to hear how you’re all travelling as well!

Day 11 checklist:
1. I read my ARC twice
2. I read other response cards (i.e.: ones I have created in response to sabotaging thoughts I have noticed) as necessary
3. I used my "stop impulse spending" and "savouring strategies - every time? most of the time? some of the time?
4. I used pause, plan, pay - every time? most of the time? some of the time?
5. I gave myself credit for helpful spending behaviours - every time? most of the time? some of the time?
6. I acted in accordance with my spending more wisely / living more cheaply plan - every time? most of the time? some of the time?
7. I observed the motivations for my impulse to spend on 3 occasions?

iammumtoone

FMG - can you add your legal fees onto your budget/debt figure now? so at least you are starting off with the right amount that needs paying off. Psychologically it might be better this way rather than having your amounts shoot up when the bill comes in, I can see that being very disheartening.

You are right in that some expensives can't be avoided and we all have to accept that debt might rise due to this. If my boiler broke tomorrow for example I would have to put that on credit but it would be a necessity so I would accept that it was necessary to increase debt for that. It is not however necessary to increase debt because I want a new pair of shoes

groatie_queen

Just popping in to say how much I'm enjoying the different way of thinking about money and spending. I'm lucky as I've never needed to diet, and I'm not in debt, but like everyone else, my finances and cost of living have tightened up a lot in the past few years.

So thank you for inspiring me to cancel a subscription today, and to buy YNAB at the discounted price. I had trialled it back in May but it was at full price then. When I downloaded it yesterday, all my previously entered figures, direct debits and all, were there! How neat was that!

I'll be following along with interest this coming year - all the best for everything you hope for in 2014, financially and in every area of your life.

chanie

FMG - it sounds like you are really starting to think like a frugal person, especially about buying the nasal spray. I've been making conscious efforts to 'buy less' For example, my skincare regime is cleanse, moisturize and a weekly face mask (3 products) and I buy multi purpose cleaners which can be used around the house.

I am Mum - great idea to break your debts down into smaller chunks. As FMG says, use these next few days a preparation time.

Frugafilly - if you want to help charities, consider donating your time instead of money, as that is just as valuable.

My battery on my tablet is about to die, so I'll be back later.

ForMyGirls

THanks IamMumtoone for the great idea of adding the legal fees to the debt at the outset. I think that will be incredibly helpful. I have increased my starting debt by $5K. It will be great to not be feeling like I am going backwards - and has the added bonus that if the fees come in at closer to $3K, which they should, then I will get to whack a whopping big sum off the debt! I am super-impressed by your finding a way to pay back debt while living on benefits - I hope that some work comes your way soon to make it a bit easier.

Also while I was adjusting the budget I added a "charity" category. Only $10 a pay so it won't slow the repayment down to much - but it feels like a good thing to be doing on New Years Day. I will decide as I go along where to donate it - but I will know that there is money to donate. And great thought chanie to donate time instead of money.

Last but not least - thanks for popping in groatiequeen - and Happy New Year to you too.

chanie

Day 3 - breaking the habit of impulse buying

This is where I really fall off the wagon. To deal with this I will:
Write down all of my spends above my weekly £10 'pocket money' in my diary.

Plan my purchases more carefully. I have written a list of items I want like clothes and make up and thus gives me something to work towards. I have done something similar for OH and the children. I also have some items in my Amazon shopping basket which I am going to buy, but will wait a few days.


day 4 - giving myself credit

This is ny favourite day as its a really boost.

I didn't go out today so didn't spend anything. It was hard, as I was bored, but the fact it was raining has helped.



Happy New year to everyone

ForMyGirls

Iammum and chanie - those both sound like good plans you have figured out. I am a bit intrigued to know what a "scan and shop" supermarket is?

Two credits for me today: my watch died a few months ago and I have been planning to get a new one - but with this new frugal life I realise it is a long way away. So today I dug out an iPod nano (square version) I haven't used since getting an iPhone, and a piece of wide black elastic and bingo I have a makeshift watch. Not pretty enough for social occasions - but great for all the times I wish I had a watch on!

Did my fortnightly meal planning and grocery shop today. Started by finding out what was already in the house and have planned a menu to use up existing stocks. And I shopped at Aldi! Yay to me!

Reporting in also on my first experience of monitoring my thoughts when tempted to engage in unplanned spending. Came across a set of storage containers at Aldi. Noticed the dialogue in my head trying to justify buying them even though I have a heap of containers already. Tried to convince myself that they were in some way fundamentally different from the ones I already have and that in my new frugal life I would NEED more containers to hold leftovers. But really it was just the "pretty new shiny and slightly different to what I already have" motivation talking so I left them behind. Interesting to notice that now, after the shopping, there is still a residual desire to have them. I am quite certain I don't need them but it wouldn't be too hard to get confused about that.

iammumtoone

The scan and shop is where you get a trolley with a scanner on and scan and pack your shopping as you go round. It gives you a running total of what you are spending. When you have finished you put the scanner information into the till and pay. It takes longer to shop but saves time at the end as no packing to do. DS loves it, he likes to do the scanning however it does take three times as long when he is with me lol.

Big credit to you for resisting the containers, I know how hard that must have been as I would have been exactly the same. I recognise that feeling when you get you home as well. Try telling yourself if you really need some more containers you can always go to poundland and buy the most unattractive set you can find, you might find you do not want them so much then.

chanie

FMG - well done for resisting the containers. Have you considered having a small contingency budget for items like this? I'm thinking about this in terms of setting realistic budgets, as you may find it unsustainable in the long term, to feel constantly deprived. That's why I have my weekly pocket money, so I have a small amount of money to give me some flexibility and choices.

Day 5 - considering my purchases and day 6 - having a spending coach

Well, I plan to use this thread as my coach and a place to keep my thoughts.

I stopped myself from buying some more stocking fillers 'just because they were cheap' and I don't feel like I have missed out. I did see some bits in store for the children, so I'm planning on saving some of my weekly pocket money to treat them at the end of the month. I'm looking forward to the challenge of saving up. I could argue that the items are unnecessary, but my weekly budget is for guilt free spending.

I did buy some xmas wrapping paper today. It was probably an unnecessary spend, but I did have a considered think about it before I bought it. The wrapping paper was reduced to 50p and I was tempted to get more, but as I only had 50p in change, I settled for one roll.