Learning to think like a frugal person

ForMyGirls

For the last 6 months I have been achieving successful sustainable weight loss by "Learning to Think Like a Thin Person" and now I am ready to take the next step and "Learn to Think Like a Frugal Person".

Before I go any further I need to give credit where credit is due. My weight loss has been achieved by following the program set out in Judith Beck's book "The Beck Diet Solution: Train your brain to think like a thin person". It applies the principles of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) to weight loss. 6 weeks of daily steps to change the way you think so that sticking to your weight loss / weight management plan is possible.

For the last week, since I had my lightbulb moment (but I will save that story for another time), I have been working through the Diet Solution and adapting it to my problems with money. I'm actually up to Day 8 but I will do a recap of each day here so that anyone who is reading this and interested in the ideas can join me on my travels.

If you do want to join me on my travels feel free to post in this diary - it would be lovely to have some company :-)

I will be doing a pretty rough paraphrase of each step of the program so if you are joining me it might be worth tracking down a copy of the book.

And finally - there are probably better ways to apply CBT to money problems - so if anyone has suggestions, or knows of equivalents to the Beck Solution that are actually designed for money problems - I'd love to hear from you!

Edit on 26 January 2014:
This thread has been going for a month now and has quite a lot of posts so I wanted to add a quick message to anyone who is joining in.

If you are interested in trying out this CBT approach then I recommend that you work through it slowly taking at least one day for each "Day" in the program. (Some "days" have taken me a lot longer so they may well take you longer too).

You will see that there are some posts that have the heading "Day ..." - these are each a step in the program. The rest of the posts are chit-chat, reporting in on progress with the steps and thoughts from other people on how they are applying the steps. If you are joining in please post and say hello - there is absolutely no need for you to have read the whole thread or be 'caught up' to become part of the conversation.

ForMyGirls

So - Day 1 of the program the task is to write up an "Advantages Response Card' - basically a list of all the reasons I want to get out of debt and learn how to live within my means. The Advantages Response Card (ARC for short) is a really important document. I read it every morning to remind myself why I'm doing this - which means I am more likely to make the right choice when faced with the temptation to spend. I also have one about weight loss so these days I start my day by reading them both.

My ARC says:
"If I learn to live within my means I will be able to:
- own my own home one day;
- save time by being able to just pay bills when they arrive rather than scrabbling to negotiate extensions of time and "robbing Peter to pay Paul" within my personal banking
- model financial responsibility for my children
- Reduce stress in my life
- discover lots of fun activities in life that are free or low cost
- live more sustainably and be kinder to my planet
- support charities and causes I believe in
- make professional and career decisions based on passion and interest only (I do mostly do this, but sometimes there have been avenues I have wanted to explore that have been closed to me because I was too cash strapped to join in)
- know that if a REAL crisis happens in my life I will be able to get myself or my loved ones the help they need
- be able to retire at a reasonable age
- be able to visit beloved family members who live overseas
- be able to send my kids to private school in their later years if it is needed
- avoid money undermining my relationship with my partner (it hasn't so far, but it could)
- feel good when I resist spending on stuff I don't need
- save time by not having to argue with myself about whether to buy stuff I don't need
- save time by not surfing the web hunting for the latest thing I don't need"

If you are joining me on this journey feel free to post some or all of your ARC

Addition on 26 January 2014:
When I first posted these messages I forgot to include a daily checklist that Beck uses in her book so I am coming back and adding them in for the benefit of those joining in after today:-)

Day 1 checklist:
1. I created my Advantages Response Card (ARC);
2. I wrote, recorded, or posted these advantages elsewhere;
3. I implemented a reminder system to ensure I read my ARC twice everyday.

Midgie

Well done on your weight loss!:T

They are all really good reasons to be frugal! And your ARC is a really good idea! (For both weight loss and sorting out finances)

I look forward to reading more about how you are getting on!

Midgie

Big_bog

Just subscribed and will also have a look for this book - I need to lose lbs and save £s! Gonna do my own arc in my 2013 diary for my own reference. Look forward to your posts

ForMyGirls

Hello Midgie and Big bog - thanks for saying hello and for your supportive thoughts. (I love your username and signature line Big Bog!)

So Day Two of the weightloss program is about choosing two diets - which I have adapted to be choosing two budgeting systems. The point about choosing two is that you have a back-up so that if it turns out the one you chose isn't working for you you have an alternative to switch to, rather than proclaiming it "all too hard" and giving up. And then if you change to Plan B you have to investigate and come up with a new back up plan.

On Day Two I chose my two budgeting systems. My Plan A is to use YNAB (You Need a Budget). It is budgeting software that is on my computer and there are companion apps on my phone and iPad. It is pretty low maintenance once it is set up and provided I actually follow the rules it works really well for me. In essence you make sure there is money set aside for all the bills so that when bills come in you can just pay them. You also put money aside for "rainy days" so that you can cover them when they arrive as well. A bit like the envelope system but in cyberspace.

My back up plan is the envelope system. The bit I worry about with YNAB is that it is all electronic transactions - and it is so much easier not to notice how much you are spending when it isn't cold hard cash. So if I find that numbers on my phone screen aren't enough to convince me that there isn't any "play money" left I will shift to the physical envelopes.

At the moment my YNAB categories include one called "big ugly overspend" which has a negative balance of nearly $8,000. This used to be called "Spending money" but once it went negative I got into a really unhelpful headspace where because I didn't have any spending money I felt so deprived that I would just spend anyway - the old "I've blown it anyway so I might as well go to town".

So now what I have is a new separate category called "play money". Each payday I will add some money to my play money and pay a chunk against the "big ugly overspend". That way the "big ugly overspend" will gradually decrease but I won't feel like I have no spending money while it is happening. Not sure I have explained that very well. Maybe a better way to explain it is that it is like letting myself have an occasional chocolate rather than saying "never" and then ending up bingeing. With the exception of some unavoidable legal fees in the next few months, which I don't have any savings to cover, the 'big ugly overspend' cannot go up. If a bill comes in over the expected amount - it comes out of my play money. If there is a 'rainy day' I hadn't anticipated - it comes out of my play money.

I like that I am hanging out for my next payday - not because I want the money to spend (as has, historically, been the case) but because I want to see the "big ugly overspend" number go down!

Day 2 checklist:
1. I read my ARC at least twice
2. I investigated budgeting systems.
3. I chose two reasonable budgeting systems - one as a primary choice and one as a back up.

[Deleted User]

I have subscribed to your diary and look forward to reading more. The ARC idea looks great. I may try this out for myself for weight loss as I have lots to lose. Well done on taking this step.

Mrs_Cheshire

I'm subscribing and going to look into the book as I need to lose weight as well!

ETA: found the book available as a download from my library so going to start reading today!

ForMyGirls

Hello again,

Thanks Allie23 and Mrs Cheshire for subscribing to my diary - great to hear that you have managed to find the book in a library - very frugal :-)

Day 3 of the book was a slightly tricky one to adapt at first. In the weightloss world Day 3 is about learning to always sit down to eat. The theory goes that we do a lot of unconcious eating when we are standing up (snacking while we cook, taking a free sample at the supermarket, grabbing a handful of nuts as we go through the kitchen etc) and that if we get into the habit of insisting on sitting down before we eat we give ourselves a few seconds to think "do I really need to eat this?". The other part of the theory (as I understand it) is that by taking the time to actually sit down to eat our food we will experience it more - and if you're not eating as much food you want to savour it!

Acquiring the 'eating sitting down' habit has been incredibly helpful for me. Really hard at first and still challenging at times to stick to - but a really powerful tool for changing my relationship with food.

So - when it came to adapting this for money I didn't think it would really work to say I always have to sit down to spend money :-)

I thought about what it is trying to achieve - ie: break the impulse spending cycle, and savour the things I do buy (since there is going to be so much less of them). What I have come up with is that I have to enter a transaction into my budgeting system BEFORE I spend it. The budgeting software I use instantaneously tells me the new balance for the category - so I will see, straight away, that buying that groovy notebook that has the pretty cover will mean that I only have $10 left of play money for the fortnight so I will think a little harder about whether I might be just as happy writing on the plain ruled pad I can get for free from work! It is early early days - but thus far this is helping.

As for the 'savour' it angle I have decided that I can only ever buy 1 'indulgence' item at a time, and I have to do it at a time that will allow me to soak up the experience. I have a history of depriving myself for months and then going out on a shopping binge which maxes my credit card back out and I have a big pile of stuff so none of the individual items get particularly appreciated. So - at the moment I am saving up for a new bra. Not something I ever thought one would need to save for - but clothing comes out of the "play money" and there ain't enough in there right now for a bra! So when I have enough money I will wait and buy it on the weekend so that I can spend the rest of the day trying on outfit after outfit (of clothes I already have) and delighting in just how much better they look with undergarments that aren't all worn out!

Day 3 checklist:
1.I read my ARC at least twice
2.I used my system for breaking impulse spending (for me this is entering things into my budget BEFORE spending) and for savouring expenditure (for me this is buying only one thing at a time). I did this - every time, most of the time, some of the time

Big_bog

I'm loving this thread and I can't wait for my book to arrive. FMG you really are inspiring - food and money are my two problem areas so I think you are going to be a massive help to me. Off I go to look for Ynab....

Enjoying_life_more

Well done on the weight loss and I look forward to reading more from you. I'm new to this site and find it really motivating and encouraging to follow others on the same journey. Good luck with your journey and I look forward to reading more

Munchin

Hi FMG

If you don't mind I'm going to subscribe and tag along. I used a CBT counsellor recently for disordered eating and it is the best thing I ever did. I never thought about using their principles for money saving but I can see how it would work.

M