Learning to think like a frugal person

Bad_Weather

Hi guys! I too have been catching up aswell!

Loving the thread! So much I can relate to.

I'm probably not in as much debt but much like my diets I am a yoyo DFW! Nearly clearing my debt to have ploughed back into 6k on effectively nothing!

Much like some of the posts I partly want to clear my debt because use of all the missed opportunities that have passed whilst I have not been able to afford to go! Holidays in friends villas, travels, huge bargains! I.e once I had 2 weeks in between jobs and I got 2 offers - 1 to go to Florida and one travelling but I was up to my eyeballs in debt so had to let these pass whilst I sat around online shopping!

I spent my money in silly/stupid things and letting these amazing opportunities/things pass me by!

I am currently sitting in a waiting room but will do my list later when I sit down and assess properly! x

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

Big welcome to Stressed Steph and Bad Weather

Sorry to have left you hanging Stressed Steph by not having posted last night. I am usually pretty fastidious about checking in every night but we are on holidays at the moment and staying tonight in a place with such beautiful views i couldn't bear to look at a screen last night :-)

Thanks Mizmir and stressed Steph for sharing your ARC. There is definitely a common theme amongst us all of missing out on great opportunities because we waste our money on little things. I am certainly a member of that club!

Chanie - thanks for sharing your thoughts on the shoes. I find those sorts of situations so hard to think my way around - does something being cheaper, or about to run out warrant breaking the rules? I don't think there is a right answer and it is probably very individualised. Might even be something that changes over time and once we are good at this thinking frugal business it will be safer to break the rules occassionally rather than there being a risk that it will get us off track. It will be interesting to hear what you ended up thinking about the purchase down the track.

Credits for my day: still on track with my holiday budget - in fact i still have a extra $20 leftover and that is after yesterday's expensive activity :-) it turns out the activity gives us two days entry and the kids were captivated yesterday so we are going back today for a free day's entertainment. Hooray :-) i was really stoked to see how interested they were - it is a major historical site. I find it fascinating but i wasn't sure if they would be old enough to be caught up in it but they are. In fact it was my partner and i who were doing the "can we go now my legs are tired" at the end of the day. That got a bit off track of credits :-) so another: i have been fastidiously putting avery transaction into YNAB and most of them prepurchase. It is really making me concious of thinking about the price of things which is a grewt addition to my toolbox.

Interestingly i still don't have an experience of compulsive urge to spend to examine. I thought i would have lots on this holiday but perhaps because there is a spending budget i am feeding that particular beast sufficiently to not be tempted by other things :-)

I am not sure when i will have time to read up and write about the next day in the book - it will probably be Monday.

mizmir

Day 3 - breaking impulse buying and savouring purchases. Mmmn - this one could be tricky as I don't actually do a lot of impulse buying and I am trying not to buy anything! But we must have done a lot of spending to get into this position so ..... I think our spending issues are at the extreme ends - we spend on a few expensive things (travelling, work on the house) and on low cost day to day things (a coffee out etc). For the former we've tended to say we need to do this - eg because it is an unmissable opportunity or we have to see family who live a long way away or it will make life easier (sorting out the house) etc. For the latter it is "only" a latte. So for this I think we need to start having planning meetings where we agree what we are going to spend on both ends of the spectrum - prioritise the big things and budget for them - have an allowance for the smaller "treats". It is not realistic to simply say we can't do the big things - for instance both our fathers are seriously ill at the moment and living 300 miles away - we do need to plan to visit. But the key is in the planning - making sure that we agree how this is going to be paid for and (where necessary) what extra money we need to make to be able to do it. And we can organise it so we do it more cheaply (for instance arranging things so we don't have to kennel the dogs saves a massive amount per trip).

And the savouring. That is easier - making sure that we "consume" what we purchase - too often in the past we have got things that seemed like a good deal but then they are never really used. We need to really use things. I think I will also apply this to my wardrobe now and to stuff we have lying about. If we have not used it since we moved to this house (2012) or if I haven't worn it over the past 12 months then it can go on eBay. I may get some resistance to this from my OH - she doesn't like to let things go! So when considering a new purchase I will think - when will I use this? how often will I use it? do I already have something that I can use instead?

StressedSteph

Hi FMG,


I forgot your were on holiday, Its great that you are managing to keep within your budget and still having a great time. No worries about posing on here until you get home. Family first

You hit a good point in your last post how you hadn't had the chance to tackle how you feel about a compulsive urge to buy something because you haven't felt it yet, and it might be because you are spending but its within the budget.

In the past when I have constructed budgets, I have done it SUPER strict and not calculated any money for little treats EVER. and I firmly feel now that that would be a big factor in why we always fail.

Like with a diet, if you TOTALLY deprive yourself of anything nice to eat, you instantly start craving it and eventually end up bingeing and falling off the diet.

I think this applies to us ALOT, I can only keep up severe austerity for so long, before I fail.

So now I have factored in a small amount every week called FUN money. It can roll over if not used and can also be dipped into to cover other things that might crop up, but otherwise that money is there for hubby and I each to dip into if we feel the urge for a chocolate bar or a coffee with a friend.

Thank you FMG. Your thread is really making me look deeper into the psychology behind why we fail and what we can do to put safety nets in place to stop it happening.
xxxx

mizmir

Yep I agree we need treats! I save my £2 coins as our "treat" fund - the rule is we can spend that on anything that we like no matter how frivolous! But I think a budget line for "fun" would also be helpful - we don't get very many £2 coins! (Think the fund currently stands at £14!) :rotfl:

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

I went $20 over budget today. I am still well within the overall holiday budget and only 2 days left so i think i will still be OK overall but it is helpful to think why i went over budget, and i think the answer is that i have gotten slack in the last couple of days about entering transactions BEFORE I purchase - so i didn't actually realise i had gone over. Not sure what i wouldn't have bought given most of today's budget was on food - actually as I write this i realise the answer is drinks - we could easily have drunk water at lunch and that would probably have saved $20! And i could have skipped giving a donation to some buskers - but i would have been reluctant to do that - i have a bit of thing about supporting creative folk, especially when i have had the pleasure of enjoying their work. Maybe something i need to work out how to limit - a bit like the budget for charity we talked about a week or two ago.

Credits: fessing up to being over budget today! Taking a moment to think about what it would have taken to not be over budget today. Taking time to post tonight even though it is late - it feels like the wheels are a little loose right now so i need this checking in to make sure they stay on for the rest of the holiday. I really want to achieve staying in my budget as it will be a significant demonstration of my changing attitude. Going to the gift shop at this historical site with a clear plan - buy a T-shirt each for girls and otherwise spend no money. It was way easy with that clear boundary and without it i would probably have bought something for the sake of buying something.

StressedSteph and Mizmir - i so totally agree that there needs to be a treats budget! My history has been to use anything and everything as an excuse to treat myself (both with food and spending) which has led to an ever increasing hole in the budget. I am finding it so helpful to have a limited amount of play money - and perversely i think i am getting more pleasure from anticipated purchases than i ever have from actual ones!

Mizmir - i like your thinking on the planning meetings and on the questions to ask yourself before buying something. I am going to adopt your questions because i think they will help me a lot. Planning meetings i don't need so much as my partner and i have very separate finances - we contribute agreed amounts to household costs and after that our money is our own to use as we see fit. So the only person i need to have planning meetings with is myself! I am also very pleased to have had this set up because my partner is very responsible with money and i think with my behaviour in the past i would either have taken him down with me, or it would have created a lot of angst between us.

Night now - look forward to hearing about your next steps soon.

StressedSteph

mizmir wrote: »

Day 3 - breaking impulse buying and savouring purchases. Mmmn - this one could be tricky as I don't actually do a lot of impulse buying and I am trying not to buy anything! But we must have done a lot of spending to get into this position so ..... I think our spending issues are at the extreme ends - we spend on a few expensive things (travelling, work on the house) and on low cost day to day things (a coffee out etc). For the former we've tended to say we need to do this - eg because it is an unmissable opportunity or we have to see family who live a long way away or it will make life easier (sorting out the house) etc. For the latter it is "only" a latte. So for this I think we need to start having planning meetings where we agree what we are going to spend on both ends of the spectrum - prioritise the big things and budget for them - have an allowance for the smaller "treats". It is not realistic to simply say we can't do the big things - for instance both our fathers are seriously ill at the moment and living 300 miles away - we do need to plan to visit. But the key is in the planning - making sure that we agree how this is going to be paid for and (where necessary) what extra money we need to make to be able to do it. And we can organise it so we do it more cheaply (for instance arranging things so we don't have to kennel the dogs saves a massive amount per trip).

And the savouring. That is easier - making sure that we "consume" what we purchase - too often in the past we have got things that seemed like a good deal but then they are never really used. We need to really use things. I think I will also apply this to my wardrobe now and to stuff we have lying about. If we have not used it since we moved to this house (2012) or if I haven't worn it over the past 12 months then it can go on eBay. I may get some resistance to this from my OH - she doesn't like to let things go! So when considering a new purchase I will think - when will I use this? how often will I use it? do I already have something that I can use instead?

I missed this post Mizmir, but I think it contains something really important that I could implement.

A Meeting between hubby & I at the end of each month would be a brilliant idea. I am the serial over-spender in our house and unfortunately I am also the one who runs the household budget :eek:.
Hubby is the worker/do'er, I am the one more inclined to do the paperwork and telephone calls etc.
In the past (and very recently) I have been VERY secretive about the bank balance and state of our finances because I have over-spent on lots of little things, (not always for myself I may add) and I have been embarrassed for hubby to see the mess I have made.

Well last November I fessed up to hubby and told him the extent of our debt, and that it wasn't all spent on me, but our family as a whole, just living beyond our means. BUT I should have had a better handle on it, and I plan to get it sorted out.

I REALLY think that if hubby and I had a meeting, maybe the last weekend of every month, where I can show him our YNAB budget, show him what happened that month and where the money has gone, and then look at our plans for the money during the next month.
I think that would keep me under control, knowing that if I over-spend, then I will have to explain it to my husband at the end of the month, and it will also keep him in the picture so that I don't have to take the blame all the time, when actually sometimes its been a big spend by him that has caused banking chaos, but he has forgotten about it.

Thank you Mizmir for this idea. I will chat to hubby tonight and pencil it into the last weekend of every month to make sure we don't forget.


xxxx

chanie

Fmg - I sometimes think we need to have few setbacks if we can learn from them. I did have a long think about the shoes before I bought them. My frugal plan is about managing my money better so that I have money for treats and I have been really good this month, so I think this is an example of what i want to achieve.

Mizmir - we also save our £2 coins. We have about £100 to put towards a holiday.


Steph - I manage the finances in our house so I know how you feel. I do think that you need to make your partner take more responsibility, so well done.


Credits
I have barely spent any money this week. I bought a carton of milk and a bottle of squash in the supermarket. I got a £2 coin,which we save in a separate pot,so I have managed to save £7 this week.

mizmir

Glad the meeting idea was helpful Steph - I can't claim it - it is something :money: recommends! But if you have joint finances then I think it is important as everyone needs to be on board. I do all the finances but my OH earns most of the money at the moment and also likes to spend so we need to make sure it is all in the budget. All of our finances are joint and we have shared debts so we need to work together to sort it out.

The key to a lot of this I think is finding what works for you!

Chanie - well done on the low spend week :T

FMG - well done on the confessional - I think you're doing brilliantly to manage all this on holiday when it would be so easy just to let things slip. Interesting the difference not recording spending in advance made to you - I think I am going to have to try YNAB!

StressedSteph

mizmir wrote: »

Glad the meeting idea was helpful Steph - I can't claim it - it is something :money: recommends! But if you have joint finances then I think it is important as everyone needs to be on board. I do all the finances but my OH earns most of the money at the moment and also likes to spend so we need to make sure it is all in the budget. All of our finances are joint and we have shared debts so we need to work together to sort it out.

The key to a lot of this I think is finding what works for you!

Chanie - well done on the low spend week :T

FMG - well done on the confessional - I think you're doing brilliantly to manage all this on holiday when it would be so easy just to let things slip. Interesting the difference not recording spending in advance made to you - I think I am going to have to try YNAB!

Hi Mizmir,

We have a single joint account which we do all our banking from. Hubby is our main wages earner and having a monthly meeting will help in so many ways.
It will also prevent hubby from getting wild ideas about what we can afford, so will hopefully not put me in the position of having to be the Bad Guy, saying "No, we can't afford that" because he will have already seen the budget and know that there is no point asking or we can set up a savings pot for that and work towards it.

Thats the plan anyway xx