Learning to think like a frugal person

ForMyGirls

This is another one of my favourite days in the Beck Diet Solution. I have found it incredibly helpful in the weight loss world and expect it will be an equally powerful tool in the development of my frugal thinking skills.

Beck talks about the way in which lots of us react when we stray from our plan and eat food we shouldn't or fail to do exercise or other healthy activities we should. Most of us feel very defeated and think "well I've blown it now i may as well keep going" and then eat a whole lot more, or do none of our exercise or health activities. Often we'll think "well now i've blown today - i'll diet again tomorrow but since today is a writeoff i might as well make the most of it".

I think this totally applies to the world of money. Once i have put 1 extra thing in my shopping basket it seems like the floodgates open and the next time i pause for breathe I am hundreds of dollars in the red.

What Beck recommends is to learn to forgive yourself when you stray and to do a reality check about whether you have really blown it, or whether this is a really small hiccup, which, if corrected quickly, won't actually make much difference. If you do these things then you are likely to see that you haven't actually blown it and you can just get back on track without any further delay. A REALLY important part is to give yourself credit for getting back on track - regardless of how long it takes or how much you have spent in the meantime - stopping and recommitting to living within our means is worthy of credit!

Getting back on track also helps us get the headspace we need to stop and think "what could i do differently next time so i don't get off track when this situation arises again?"

Beck also recommends that when you get back on track you should continue eating as normal - that is, avoid the temptation to say "i ate a piece of cake i shouldn't have so now i won't have dinner to make up for it". Instead accept that there was imperfection, that your weightloss won't be as great this week, and then eat for the rest of the day as you had planned. Her theory is that if you keep trying to "make up" for your mistakes you will feel deprived, which will lead to more straying and you will be on a downward spiral.


When i first started posting today i glossed over this bit but then when i came back to think about whether it applies to money as well i realised how important it is. You may remember from a day or two ago that i had mismanaged my cash flow and went into the red on my "play money". That meant that when i did my budgeting for the fortnight yesterday i was left with only $75 play money. I had been planning this fortnight to buy my partner a gift i have been wanting to get as a surprise for ages (which will cost about $60) so i was really bummed that i won't be able to this fortnight. I had been noticing earlier today that for the first time since i started this i was feeling deprived and feeling like saying "!!!! It" and blowing the budget. I had been wondering why that stuff was suddenly going on in my head.

So when i read the stuff about getting back on track meaning "keep going with the plan" rather than depriving yourself to catch up it really resonated. So what I am going to do is adjust the budget - give myself the stwrting point for the fortnight of $100 play money as i had been intending and accept that my mistake has meant that the debt recovery will be that tiny bit slower.

And after that long tangent - to finish off about "getting back on track" - Beck recommends creating a "Get back on track" response card to add to the "read everyday" collection. Like the "It's not okay" you should adapt the wording to suit you. She recommends (translated into money speak):

"if i have spent money i shouldn't have i haven't blown it. It's not the end of the world. I can start following my plan again right this minute. Just because i made a mistake doesn't mean i should keep on spending. That makes no sense. It's a million times better to stop now than to allow myself to spend more".

My just drafted money "get back on track" card reads:

"You made a mistake. That is OK. And the great thing is you can get back on track RIGHT NOW. (And remember to give yourself credit when you do)."

My diet one reads:

"You made a mistake. That is OK. you are brave and strong and good so now you can get back on track."

Editing on 1 Feb to add checklist (oops!):
Day 20 checklist:
1. Read my ARC, NO CHOICE and IT’S NOT OKAY cards?
2. Read my other response cards as needed?
3. Used my strategy for avoiding impulsive spending and savouring the fruits of my expenditure? (All the time, most of the time, some of the time, none of the time)
4. Gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful spending behaviours (all the time? Most of the time? Some of the time? Not at all?)
5. Used my 'spending wisely' strategies?
6. Wrote out a spending plan for tomorrow?
7. Monitored everything I spent today?
8. Compared my bank balance to my YNAB categories to redefine "zero" money available for discretionary spending?
9. I only used available money for discretionary spending?
10. I created a Get Back on Track Response Card

JustAboutThere

lulabelle wrote: »

Just having a cup of coffee before I head off to see my trainer - I must be mad but keeping going as can see the results already and it gives me a focus on something in place of a man (and instead of boozing)

Great that you can see results, but please do it for yourself.

lulabelle wrote: »

After my run I gave my weekly therapy session. Doc referred me for CAT a while ago. Not sure I really like my therapist as he doesn't listen properly but I'll persevere.

I'd agree with sticking with him for AWHILE - but sometimes you have to try a few therapists before you 'click' with one. Don't feel pressured into staying with one you're not comfortable with, just before he's the one you've been allocated. I've seen about five - unfortunately, the one I really like works privately and costs ££££. However, if I really needed her, I'd pay the money because I feel comfortable with her style and I know I can just talk. She doesn't make me feel silly and there is no 'wrong' answer.

StressedSteph

Morning FMG


Todays post from yourself is a REALLY important one for me. I always start my budgeting really focused, probably too focused. I do tend to get abit single minded and put all my energies into it, but it is unsustainable. (Think I read you have the same problem). Then when the gloss wears off and I get abit bored, I tend to drop it like a stone. THAT is when I tend to fall of track.


If I don't stick to the ritual of balancing my spreadsheet EVERY morning and writing in my diary on here, then I lose my way and mindlessly overspend. This is where I hope YNAB will prevent that happening, because I already know that I get my FUN money of £20 every week and that is my limit. I have never allocated myself ANY money just for me during my last attempts, and like you have said, that then makes you start feeling deprived. Too many days of feeling deprived eventually makes you think, "blow , I will treat myself" and the flood gates are then open.


Also through YNAB I am now trying to save emergency pots of money as this is when I also tend to give up, when an unplanned expense crops up and blows the budget. I tend to think, "Whats the point in even trying".


I had this during my last debt busting attempt. I think I had paid off about £1500. Then the car blew up and the bill for that was £1800. So after about 5 months of debt busting I was suddenly is a worse position than when I started :mad:.
Unfortunately even a small savings fund would probably not have fixed that huge problem, but if it had been a smaller MOT failure or something my emergency pot might have nearly covered it.


These are the two things I am putting in place (Fun money & Savings pots) to try to stop me failing. I do need to remember the Beck mantra though of giving myself credit for what I have already achieved and not giving up.


Wow sorry for my explosive ramble.
loved todays post FMG. Perfect to keep us on track. xx

StressedSteph

Hope you don't mind but I have copied your Mini Goal idea. My February Goal is to get my debt under 19k. It is quite achievable so will hopefully give me a boost, to then set the next Mini goal.


What is your next Mini Goal going to be, now you just achieved your first? xx

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

Steph - lovely to hear that Day 20 is as handy a thing for you as it is for me. It has made a MASSIVE difference to my weightloss journey - it has meant that the low motivation periods are just that - a "low motivation period" not a "diet ending period". I am expecting it will have the same effect her in the world of debt busting.

Ouch on the past experience of major car problems after struggling to clear your debt - I am sure that would have derailed me. I really like your idea of setting up an emergency fund - I have an "emergency" category in my YNAB budget but it has a zero balance on the basis that I have always thought that "I can't afford to put anything in it". You are making me reconsider - perhaps it is actually that I can't afford not to. Hmmm - food for thought.

Great to hear you have set a mini-goal - it is actually one of Beck's strategies - but is probably from a post before you joined in :-) I actually haven't reached my first one yet - I am just tantalisingly close - before my decision to adjust the budget rather than punish myself for my mistake I was only $30 away but now I am $55 away - but I am still pretty excited with that - given the goal was nearly a $1000 reduction!

I have been doing a bit of thinking lately about what I will set as the next mini-goal (I am expecting to reach the first one on my next payday). I am tossing up whether to make it a $1000 reduction or just a $500 reduction. I think I will do the $500. In this first month I knew I had a couple of big chunks of money coming in so $1000 looked achievable - but I am not expecting anything beyond my usual pay check from now until late April plus the cash-flow is going to get tight in the next month or so (which will mean high interest because I will need to draw on a credit card - aagh) - so basically I think the next $500 will be slow going so I think I will make that the goal. Sorry - long answer to short question!

Chanie - thanks for the one month report card. I really enjoyed hearing about how you are not feeling deprived - I have found that to be a wonderful surprise too!

Wow - this is going to be a long post - I felt like I had lots I wanted to offload even before I saw your great posts.

I took the kids to get school shoes today (a planned spend - CREDIT). It turned out OK in the end but made me have to think about the tricky question of when is it OK to go over-budget. I am a big believer that kids need good shoes that fit properly so I always get their school shoes from a shop that has quality and fits them properly. I had budgeted $160 but when I got there there was only one style under $90 and they didn't fit my kids! So I was facing spend $180 instead. It then turned out that my older DD couldn't find a pair she was comfortable in so I suggested she get runners instead (the school uniform is very relaxed) and she was keen. She needs new runners anyway so I figured that if I was going over budget at least there was a future expense I wouldn't have to be making. Turns out the runners were significantly cheaper so I was within budget in the end. If there had been school shoes that worked for her I would have gone over budget to get them and I am not yet sure if that would have been OK.

As I have been thinking about it this evening I am remembering that I had the same experience in the early days of my diet - in particular I remember eating food that took me well over my calorie limit for the day while at a playdate with a family I didn't know at all. There was a big cultural and language barrier so when food was offered I was a really unsure of how rude it would be to say no thanks - plus I wasn't even sure there was enough understanding to say it in a way that wouldn't suggest I didn't want it or appreciate the offer. I do think that was an instance that breaking my plan was warranted - but it took me a little while to work that out.

This situation feels a bit like that. I can't quite articulate why I think it would have been OK to go over budget on this (perhaps that is a sign that it wasn't OK!) but somehow it feels like it would have been the right call.

My kids had some leftover spending money from our holiday so they wanted to go toy shopping which meant a longer sojourn in the shops. It is probably the first real 'browsing' in shops I have done since starting this and it was interesting to notice how that felt. Times of mild panic - wondering if I was going to be able to stick to only my planned spending while in this garden of Eden. But then also moments of delight in realising I didn't actually need to struggle to make a decision - the decision was already made. I was here to buy a button for the broken shorts and otherwise just to wait for the kids to finish shopping / help them make their decisions.

CREDIT to me for staying mindful of my thoughts and feelings while shopping, for thinking this all through and for not claiming credit for having stayed on budget with the school shoes when really it was chance that kept me on track!

My checklist (in brief)
1. ARC, NO CHOICE and IT'S NOT OKAY - no 2. other response cards - yes 3. transactions in YNAB before spending and savoured purchases - yes 4. Credits - all of the time 5. use my spend wisely plan - n/a 6. spending plan - yes 7. Monitored my spending - all of the time 8. compared my bank balance and YNAB to redefine "zero" - yes 9. Spent only available money for discretionary spending - yes

chanie

Evening all.

I probably won't set myself any mini goals for the moment. My debts are big overdrafts, mainly accumulated when I was on maternity leave with both children. Due to our mortgage and childcare costs, we don't have much free money to get them down at the moment, so I'm hoping that I can see a small improvement over the next few months, just through being on this plan.

Steph - an emergency fund is a good plan. As I said in a previous post, I collect £2 coins. I normally don't miss them and they do add up quite quickly. It could be a nice way to start.

FMG - I think going over budget on the children's shoes is okay. I think some things are worth paying extra for, especially if they last a bit longer. I guess there are always going to be times when we have to go over budget but as long as we are frugal in most areas of our spending, it's okay. That's why I've allows myself a few extra unplanned treats.

Today, Ds had a planned hospital appointment. He wears really strong glasses so the hospital like to see him every few months. On this occasion, they needed to put these drops his eyes, which means we have to hold him down, whilst his eyes are prised open to put the drops in. It means I very guilty mummy. I accumulated quite a few credits:

Firstly, I bought Ds some sweets to take to the hospital. I bought them the day before, from the poundshop and was much cheaper than the hospital shop. I wouldn't normally buy him sweets to take, but because I knew he wad having the drops, wanted him to have a treat.

Then, we parked in a side road and walked to the hospital, saving car parking fees.

I packed Ds' bag, adding, more sweets, books, a drink and some other snacks, so i didn't have to spend any money when we were there. Well, Mr Chanie bought Ds a slush puppy, but that was spending his money!

This was quite a big achievement for me, as its trips like these where I can rack up the spending. I only spent £1 and that was from my play money. More importantly, Ds' eyes has improved a little, so his new prescription is lower.

ForMyGirls

Day 21 in the Beck Diet Solution is about getting ready to weigh in. If a person has completed a step a day and started the diet on Day 15, then the next day will be the end of the first week of the diet and hence the first weigh in to see whether weight has been lost (and how much). She says that weighing is important because: a) it gives you a chance to celebrate your successes; b) it keeps you honest - if you are not doing all the things you have committed to then you are more likely to own up to that if you see that you aren’t losing weight; c) it keeps you committed - if you are happy with your weight loss you’ll be motivated to keep going - if you aren’t happy you’ll be motivated to review what you are doing and work out what you could do differently.

Beck makes the point that it is very important to stand on the scale in the right mindset - because otherwise the outcome can send you on a downward spiral. She talks about the fact that the number on the scale is just information - and recommends reminding ourselves of that BEFORE we get on the scale. Beck talks about the fact that weightless is not a linear process - that people don’t lose the same amount of weight every week and that for every dieter there are some weeks when the weight goes up.

Finally, Beck recommends keeping a graph of your weight loss to help you keep the bigger picture in mind and see that there is a general downward trend even if some weeks there is no loss, or a gain. I love my weight loss graph! Debt reduction one is just starting to look exciting :-)

Translating this into the world of frugal thinking - rather than weighing in each week I am doing a review of my financial position each fortnight (on payday - after the pay comes in and the direct debits come out). I am also keeping a graph. I am actually tracking and graphing two things - my overall debt - and my Big Ugly Overspend (if you are wondering what this is check out post 5 in this thread :-)).

I was initially a little unsure whether the “this is just information” would apply in the world of money because I had it in my head when I was reading that debt busting is a far more linear process than weight loss. I think this is because there is a more predictable link between what you can control (ie: what money you spend / what you eat) and the outcome you get (ie: what your overall financial position is / your weight). But then when I thought about it a bit more I realised there is actually a lot of correlation because there are things we can’t control in our financial lives - how much our utilities bills are, medical costs, mechanics bills etc - which means that at times our debt reduction will move faster than others and sometimes the debt will go up.

As I have been working through this I am finding it really helpful! I had been struggling to decide how to manage cash flow while I am debt busting. A big chunk of my debt is in a credit card - which means that it makes financial sense to keep the bare minimum cash in my bank account and put any money that is sitting there waiting to pay a bill into the credit card - and then pay the bill from the credit card. (This is also a good strategy because it means there is a bit less interest accrued while the money is sitting there and because it ‘resets’ the 55 day interest free period for that money). But I have been scared to do this because I have thought that I needed to keep a clear line in the sand with my credit card - i.e.: I just pay what is actually available for debt reduction against it and I can then say “never pay for anything with the credit card”. I have been scared that if I use the credit card for some things I will get a false sense of how far I have reduced my debt - and then I will get disheartened when I see it go up again when I pay a bill. But perhaps with “this is just information” in my toolbox I will be able to manage the potential emotional roller coaster so that I can reduce the interest I am accruing on the debt. This is exciting :-) Thanks Beck!

EDited on 1 Feb to add checklist:

Day 21 checklist:
1. Read my ARC, NO CHOICE, IT’S NOT OKAY and GET BACK ON TRACK cards?
2. Read my other response cards as needed?
3. Used my strategy for avoiding impulsive spending and savouring the fruits of my expenditure? (All the time, most of the time, some of the time, none of the time)
4. Gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful spending behaviours (all the time? Most of the time? Some of the time? Not at all?)
5. Used my 'spending wisely' strategies?
6. Wrote out a spending plan for tomorrow?
7. Monitored everything I spent today?
8. Compared my bank balance to my YNAB categories to redefine "zero" money available for discretionary spending?
9. I only used available money for discretionary spending?
10. I made my debt reduction graph?

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

I have adjusted my "spending wisely" plan tonight to not include shopping at Aldi - a second failed dinner which has resulted in extra expense because the food was replaced - and lots of wasted time. Oh well - i gave it a try!

Credits for my day: - doesn't really feel like there were any challenges so it feels a bit tricky to find credits. So maybe the moment for applauding myself for doing the things i just do everyday. With that in mind - well done me for reading my response cards this morning, and oretty much every morning. Yay to me for reading the next day in the Beck book and thinking through how it applied to money. And now i remember another one - i had a bunch of kids over for a mega playdate today. One of them referred to tomorrow night being "McDonalds night" and i thought "wow - it is ages since i let the kids have McDonalds - maybe we should do that tomorrow" then "but d'uh - there is no money in the budget for that this fortnight" and just moved on. So short and sweet! Actually come to think of it - i desreve credit for having fed the gang today from food we had in the house rather thsn going out and buying special things.

My checklist (in brief)
1. ARC, NO CHOICE and IT'S NOT OKAY - no 2. other response cards - yes 3. transactions in YNAB before spending and savoured purchases - n/a 4. Credits - some of the time 5. use my spend wisely plan - n/a 6. spending plan - yes 7. Monitored my spending - n/a 8. compared my bank balance and YNAB to redefine "zero" - n/a 9. Spent only available money for discretionary spending - yes

Chanie - i am really impressed by your efforts while at your son's medical appoitnment. What a lot of great pre-planning you did to think through what would be needed and how well you dodged the "mother guilt" bullet! You description of the treatment reminded me of when my older DD had conjunctivitis and needed drops 3 times a day - so sometimes i was the only adult around when a dose was due. It was a full-on wrestling match to get them in. To have been through that without indulging in retail therapy is very impressive. Glad to hear their was good news at the end of it all too!

mizmir

On to Day 9 Choosing a spending plan wisely - plus the sabotaging thoughts.

So the first bit is relatively easy.

Cutting unnecessary spending: I am using YNAB now to monitor spending and it is forcing me to consider every purchase which is cutting the unnecessary. We have blipped a couple of times (like the other night when OH was really late home so we go fish and chips) but I have managed to cover it in the budget so that is OK. And knowing that there is a budget and that if we spend on something unexpected we need to reduce some other planned spending focuses the mind.

Getting what we need for less: I have started on this route and have already reduced our phone/TV/broadband package getting a better service for less money, plus I am shopping at Aldi which is saving groceries. We are trying Aldi versions of everything and 9/10 times so far they are just fine. So that is encouraging. I have also slashed £70 off our dog food bill by switching to raw feeding and making my own dog biscuits. February I am going to tackle gas/electric and mobiles. The latter is tricky. Confession time. I have an iPhone - and I use it all the time. In particular I use it for filming HD videos for my business courses as well as for the usual stuff. It syncs with my main Mac and this all works for me. Do I need it? Good question. There are probably ways I could do things differently without it - but they would take longer, be less streamlined - plus with the video - it works, is easy and portable - and I would have to buy an alternative camera. So the iPhone stays. I am due an upgrade. I can get a free one with a better and cheaper plan by switching provider. It would also allow me to sell my current phone. Seems to be a win-win. But I am also conscious that I really want the iPhone 5 (video is even better for instance) so I may be blinkered about this. I think I will investigate options (like PAYG) with my current phone to see what the alternatives are.

As for making more income - this is the biggy for me - this is what is going to make the difference between sinking and swimming - and indeed what is going to deal with the debt mountain. I have set myself a minimum target of £1000 additional to OH's salary. I would prefer £1500 (OH also does extra work so we often get a few hundred from her stuff). This is going to be my main focus.

Think I had better leave sabotaging thoughts till tomorrow.

mizmir

Yay! Credit coming. I went online to check the "upgrade" options and discovered I could keep my phone, with a slightly better tariff, for more than £20 a month less than I am paying now! That's the upgrade they never tell you about when they are so desperate to flog you a new phone! So that is my compromise. I stick with the iPhone but I keep the one I have. It is a new 12 month contract after which I can review again. But once I have done this for OH as well, we will be more than £45 better off for at least as good a service as we have now. Can't argue with that. The credit I am giving myself is for acknowledging that while the iPhone would be hard to work without, there is nothing wrong with the one I have now - I don't need the latest one to have the benefits.