Learning to think like a frugal person

ForMyGirls

Day 18 of the Beck Diet Solution is about redefining "full". Beck argues that people who are overweight have been overeating for years so our sense of what "full" feels like is inaccurate. Consequently adopting an approach of "I will eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full" doesn't work very well.

She sets out a task where for a month, 20 minutes after each meal, you ask yourself "Could I easily go for a moderate to brisk walk?" (She says that if you aren't sure then try it and see). She tells you that if you can go for the moderate to brisk walk then you should remind yourself that this is what "full" actually feels like and give yourself credit for stopping at full. If you can't go on that walk then remind yourself that this is what "overfull" feels like and commit to not overeating at your next meal. She also recommends noticing the sabotaging thoughts that tempt you to override an awareness that you are full - and develop response cards for them.

It was interesting to re-read this Day and realise she recommends doing it for a month! I think I just did it for a day - oops.

In adjusting this to learning to think like a frugal person I think that this is about learning that a positive balance in the bank does NOT mean that there is money available to spend on whatever I want. It is about learning that when the balance in my bank account equals the money that I have set aside to pay bills and other essential expenses that THAT is when I have "zero" dollars available to spend. This ties in with what Steph said the other day about YNAB really helping because it makes you realise that although you have money in the bank you aren't at liberty to go and spend it because it is designated for other purposes.

YNAB is certainly helping me with this because when I look at it it tells me that I have $29.18 of play money and $77.54 of kids' spending money left - and doesn't mention the bank balance - so I am able to forget that there is actually $500 in my bank account.

I think though for Day 18 I want to be more deliberate about this and make myself look at that bank balance and think about what it is actually ear-marked for - so that I develop the ability to see a number higher than "zero" as an indicator that there is no money available or discretionary spending. So what I am going to do is that on each day that I spend money for the next month I am going to look at my bank balance and my YNAB budgeting system to show myself how much of the money in the bank is earmarked for things other than discretionary spending. I will do the first episode of this in a minute - but first I want to create today's checklist, because for the next month I will be including this exercise in my daily checklist.

The checklist for Day 17:
1. Read my ARC and NO CHOICE card?
2. Read my other response cards as needed?
3. Used my strategy for avoiding impulsive spending and savouring the fruits of my expenditure? (All the time, most of the time, some of the time, none of the time)
4. Gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful spending behaviours (all the time? Most of the time? Some of the time? Not at all?)
5. Used my 'spending wisely' strategies?
6. Wrote out a spending plan for tomorrow?
7. Monitored everything I spent today?
8. Compared my bank balance to my YNAB categories to redefine "zero" money available for discretionary spending?

So - to redefine "zero" for the first time:

I currently have $514.82 in my bank account and $55.35 of cash in my wallet. (A grand total of $570.17).

The money that is "unavailable for discretionary spending" because it is set aside for other things is:
$19.49 for petrol, bus fares and parking fees
$.22 for subscriptions to dropbox and evernote
$64 towards my next car service
$69.53 for gifts
$48.78 for medical expenses
$23.89 for any bills that come in over budget amounts
$132.33 for next health insurance payment
$46 for next mobile bill
$5 for the next deposit in my kids' savings accounts
$180.25 for the next electricity bill
$156.16 for the next gas bill
$340.23 for the kids' music lesson fees
$32.61 towards kids' sports fees
$10 for charity

Wow. That is a total of $1,128.49. Which means that I am going to have to be doing some creative money shuffling until the "big ugly overspend" is reduced so that it matches the total of my credit card, legal fees and debt to my partner. This is quite sobering. I had thought the numbers would be close to matching up. I don't think this changes anything about how my budget works so I will continue to treat myself as having $21.18 + $77.54 as available for discretionary spending. But it is a timely reminder that I really truly do not have wriggle room to overspend my discretionary money and that getting my Big Ugly Overspend is critically important.

I wonder before I did this whether this exercise would be meaningful or not but by goodness it has. I thought I was "solvent" right now in that I actually had $ set aside for my upcoming bills. It is as enlightening to discover that this is isn't what "solvent" looks like just as it was enlightening to discover that "mildly uncomfortable and lethargic" was not what full felt like.

StressedSteph

Morning all,


I am Loving Day 18. Not sure how easy it would be to do this without the YNAB budget, but I guess others might well have better spreadsheets than I used to have.


There is NO better feeling than logging onto my online banking to see money in the account.


Usually on a Monday morning hubby would ask me if there was enough money for him to put fuel in his van?. Normally that would spark a panic logging on to my online banking to see if there was any money in the account. If I saw ANY money in there, then I would say "Yes that's fine". Not really having a clue if that money was destined to pay a DD later in the day or week.


YNAB is amazing because now I know that budgeted every week is hubby's £20 petrol money and that the account has been managed in YNAB so that I know that money is there and there is also money for the bills (well nearly ).


I will definitely expose myself to my bank balance difference to YNAB every day though, so that I can get used to seeing money in the account and not immediately thinking that is all FUN money for me .


Hope you are all ok today. xxx

mizmir

Morning all. Still fighting the shingles but determined to make some progress with something! I think I was up to Day 7 - setting up the environment. I think I am on top of this one. I have put all our credit cards in the freezer so no impulse purchases there. I'm meal planning and working to a list when shopping. Using YNAB has been great for making it very clear what money we have and for what. For the first time in years I feel in control of it all.

ForMyGirls

Hello coaches,

Mizmir - nice to "hear" your voice again. By shingles do you mean the illness? If so - big commiserations and huge credit for even thinking about budgeting! And good to hear day 7 is sorted.

Dearlouise - thanks for stopping in and saying hello. YNAB is pretty amazing!

Steph - glad to hear you like Day 18 better than Day 17:-)

i was thinking today a bit about Steph's comments about Day. I think that in some ways the behaviours that we most don't want to change are the most important to confront because they might be the things that will keep taking us off track. Speaking for myself the Day 17 basket of goodies i am not going to buy will be torture - but i know that it is really, really important that i learn that i can put limits in place and that i can choose one of a few things i want because the debt i have right now is there because i have lived all my adult life on the basis of "I want - therefore I should have". I figure if I practice only buying some of the thiings i want and get used to coping with the feelings that come with that i will be more likely to make those good decisions in the future when my too full basket happens by "acciddent" rather than intentionally.

Credits:
- i stuck to my spending plan and dealt effectively with the "can we go on the waterslide too" and "can we have an icecream" at the pool;
- in planning my spending for tomorrow i was tempted to add buying some art materials for a crafty project i have planned for kids tomorrow but before i did i thought throught what else i need to do with the "kids' expenses money" and concluded that we can work with what we already have!

My checklist (in brief)
1. ARC and NO CHOICE - yes 2. other response cards - yes 3. transactions in YNAB before spending and savoured purchases - yes 4. Credits - all of the time 5. Spent wisely - n/a 6. tolerated compulsive urges - all of the time 7. spending plan - yes 8. Monitored my spending - yes 9. compared my bank balance and YNAB to redefine "zero" - yes

mizmir

ForMyGirls wrote: »

Hello coaches,

Mizmir - nice to "hear" your voice again. By shingles do you mean the illness? If so - big commiserations and huge credit for even thinking about budgeting! And good to hear day 7 is sorted.

Yes - the illness - came down with it last week - nasty business and frustrating as I don't feel too ill - just in a lot of pain and hard to get comfortable or focus for long. Trying to keep on top of things but I also don't want to overdo it and end up ill for longer.

ForMyGirls

Ouch on the shingles Mizmir - i have heard it is pretty horrendous. I am a big believer in giving yourself time to heal properly when you are ill so i applaud your plan to take it easy!

StressedSteph

Hi FMG

You are probably TOTALLY right about day 17. At first it seemed like torture for tortures sake, but maybe its something we need to do in the short-term to train our brains to not accept that impulse buying is not the right way to live, and we must learn to be more mindful of our purchases and decisions and how they will effect our long term plans.

I don't find myself in real life shops very often living in such a rural area. It is mostly internet shopping which is my downfall. So maybe I will add the odd extra thing into my virtual basket next time I am online to Tesco etc and then remove them before the checkout. Would that have the same effect, I wonder?.

I always forget to add my credits on here and I actually have a couple today:-

Totally resisted purchasing £15 of beautiful coloured wool to start a new crocheting blanket I REALLY want to make. Told myself to save up the next two weeks worth of FUN money and then I can have it :T. I can always practice on some wool I already have.
I darned three pairs of DD's school tights to avoid having to buy her some more.:T
I cut up a large white towel into 12 squares and hemmed them all to make new flannels as ours have all somehow disappeared:T.

TOTAL saving of over £20 from being mindful of our situation and looking for alternative ways to avoid the un-necessary spending.

Woohoooo:j

chanie

Steph - well done on the make do and mend. I'm not very good at stuff like that, but I do like to give it a go. You have reminded me that I need to knit some Easter chicks, which I stuff with cream eggs. This will be in preparation for the children's Easter egg hunt.

Mizmar - hope you feel better.

FMG - well done for all your efforts. I have really noticed a change in your thinking and it seems to becoming more of a way of life!!!!

Me? I'm just plodding along. I don't really have anything to add as I things are relatively quiet here.

I've started to think about two upcoming events - Easter and Ds' birthday a few days afterwards. I've written a list of things we need for his birthday (will be a bouncy castle in the garden hopefully) and I Will start to buy items with my PLAY money each week. I know April is a long way away, but it will be here before you know it and I am keeping a list of what I have/need to minimise overspending. Luckily for me, I kept the birthday decorations from last year, so I can reuse those.

credits
I've found a new bargain shop called Home Bargains. Just opened near my Mums and some items are much cheaper than elsewhere.

Bought my lunch into work, but I was on a course, with free lunch, so will have it tomorrow.

Went into the poundshop for a browse. Made a mental note if things to get, but didn't spend.

ForMyGirls

In Day 19 of the Beck Diet Solution it is time to focus on identifying all the irrational excuses we come up with for eating things we shouldn't (or not doing healthy activities we need to do). Beck makes the point that people who are overweight are often very rational, sensible people about everything else in their life - but not when it comes to dieting and / or exercise. She provides a list of common "fooling yourself thoughts" for eating unplanned food for us to tick if we have experienced them. The task also involves identifying other irrational justifications that you notice that aren't on the list. These irrational reasons are sabotaging thoughts so when you spy one - you guessed it - write a response card!

I think this is directly referable to the world of budgeting too. I will put together a list of some of the "fooling yourself thoughts" I can think of that I have fallen prey to. It would be great if those of you doing these steps would be happy to post the thoughts that you notice yourself having (when you get to Day 19) and then I will come back and add to this list (I know Chanie has already identified some ones related to things being "a bargain").

I have noticed myself thinking "It's okay to buy X because...":

- I'm paying for postage on this internet order so I should make the most of that and get extra things;
- It's not very expensive so it doesn't matter;
- This is a one off;
- Doing X will be so much more fun / easier if I have this thing;
- I am sure this will do X so much better than the thing I already have;
- It is for my health so it is OK to spend anything I want;
- My children's lives aren't as perfect as I want them to be so I should buy them this to make up for it;
- I'll make up for it by spending less on X later;
- I'll disappoint someone if I don't participate;
- I'll disappoint someone if I don't buy it;
- Everyone else is participating;
- I'll look like a cheapskate if I don't;
- I'm celebrating;
- I deserve a reward / treat;
- it's a special occasion;
- I'm upset and I don't care;
- I really want it so I will probably end up buying it at some point anyway;
- I'm just slack with money - that's just how I am.

The final step for today is to create a "It's Not Okay" response card which will become a 'read everyday' card along with your ARC and your NO CHOICE card. Your "It's Not Okay" response card will go something like "It's not okay to spend unplanned money in anyway. I'm just trying to fool myself. Every time I spend money I'm not supposed to I am strengthening my giving in muscle. I want to strengthen my resistance muscle. It might feel good for a few seconds when I spend this money but I will feel bad afterwards. If I want to get out of debt and stay out of debt I need to stop fooling myself." Feel free to adapt the card as you need to to make it just right for you!

Day 19 checklist:
1. Read my ARC and NO CHOICE cards?
2. Read my other response cards as needed?
3. Used my strategy for avoiding impulsive spending and savouring the fruits of my expenditure? (All the time, most of the time, some of the time, none of the time)
4. Gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful spending behaviours (all the time? Most of the time? Some of the time? Not at all?)
5. Used my 'spending wisely' strategies?
6. Wrote out a spending plan for tomorrow?
7. Monitored everything I spent today?
8. Compared my bank balance to my YNAB categories to redefine "zero" money available for discretionary spending?
9. I only used available money for discretionary spending?
10. I identified common "fooling myself thoughts" and created response cards for the most powerful ones.
11. I created an IT'S NOT OKAY response card?

chanie

Day 19 is something i'm really going to struggle with. I quite like living in my 'fooling myself' bubble and I'm not sure I want to get out!!!!

I'm struggling with this plan at the moment. There are so many techniques that I'm loosing the will to live somewhat. I enjoy the 'actions' like 'pause, plan, play' but I don't enjoy the response cards, no choice etc. I guess its because my learning style means I'm not much of a 'reflector'. I like either doing something or making practical steps. I'm going to think about how I can adapt the plan to suit.

Frugal Strategies
I've been thinking about my frugal strategies to help me manage:

Keep it simple -e.g. I normally use a multi-purpose cleaner around the home, so it means I don't need lots of products for various rooms. I will keep to buying simple products.

Success not Excess - e.g. for Ds birthday, I'm not going to go overboard on food and drink as the children probably won't each much anyway and it will be a waste.

The best things in life are free e.g. we will have an Easter egg hunt, but I will plan some fun activities, instead of plying them with chocolate. I may buy some cress seeds, which they will enjoy growing.