How do you know when to call time on marriage?

Adrenalina

Good luck, Mary muddled! Maybe this will be the spur for big changes for him, or maybe this is a fresh start for you. Either way, you've had a very difficult conversation and how you feel now migh be a pointer on what your heart wants.

jenhug

Is there a possibility he is gay?

Mary_Muddled

He's not gay.

ValHaller

Mary_Muddled wrote: »

Thanks Valhaller. I've asked him for this before, when I've wanted to discuss our relationship and he's only said that I should be tidier and less grumpy.

:embarasse

How do you feel about the implied criticism? On 'grumpy'? Your grumpy and his disinterest seem to go together towards a spiral like a 3/4" No 14 woodscrew.

I would be tempted to let 'untidy' go, but I have a feeling there may be some insight there? Is there some disparity between your tidiness and the way he was brought up?

I am wondering if he is mildly depressed? A random thought really.

lindsaygalaxy

From the sounds of it he doesn't seem to know how to make you happy. You tell him how you feel, he tries to make it better but struggles to follow it through. Sounds all a bit intimidating to me. I guess you have 2 choices - decide that its enough and you dont want it anymore, or give it 1 final go and say this is the last chance and mean it, make a plan for you both to move forward. I dont think s*x is everything in a relationship, but closeness is - have a date night once a week and stick to it.

Mary_Muddled

I can take grumpy and untidy and I don't even think those were major things for him as I had to push for him to come up with something for me to work on. I am concious of the fact that when I want to discuss our relationship it feels like a one sided attack on him, so I wanted him to give some things for me to work on as well.

He's on anti depressants and it was me who asked him to see his doctor to get them as he was just so 'flat' all of the time. But I do think that his years of cannabis smoking had a large factor in how he is today.

Mary_Muddled

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

I dont think s*x is everything in a relationship, but closeness is - have a date night once a week and stick to it.

But doesn't a particular kind of closeness come from sex? Am I just to turn that part of myself off forever to keep my marriage?

candygirl

Mary_Muddled wrote: »

But doesn't a particular kind of closeness come from sex? Am I just to turn that part of myself off forever to keep my marriage?

No way can you shut down sexually at your age, just to suit him:(

ValHaller

Mary_Muddled wrote: »

I can take grumpy and untidy and I don't even think those were major things for him as I had to push for him to come up with something for me to work on. I am concious of the fact that when I want to discuss our relationship it feels like a one sided attack on him, so I wanted him to give some things for me to work on as well.

He's on anti depressants and it was me who asked him to see his doctor to get them as he was just so 'flat' all of the time. But I do think that his years of cannabis smoking had a large factor in how he is today.

Yes. he seems in a bit of a rut. Goals and a bit of naturally generated adrenalin might do better than chemical treatments

Mary_Muddled wrote: »

But doesn't a particular kind of closeness come from sex? Am I just to turn that part of myself off forever to keep my marriage?

Last ditch. Climb Snowden together. Get a tandem. Go whitewater rafting. Challenge each other to a half marathon.
Sunshine fresh air. But if he doesn't want to engage ....

SailorSam

If your husbands problems are physical, would it help if you bought some 'toys'.