Gifts to return/pay for on 'break up'

krlyr

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Don't mean to offend you homeagain, but how come your daughter didn't finish with her B/F before her birthday? Like weeks/several months before. I mean, she must have known that she wasn't happy with him. Mustn't she?

Plenty of people have made bad choices in relationships, especially in their teens. I stayed with boyfriends I should have dumped months before I did, because I thought things would improve - it's part of growing up and learning what you should put up with, how to deal with problems in a relationship and so on.

What's happened has happened and the daughter obviously wants to make things right.

lika_86

Homeagain wrote: »

I think you are being harsh - she is not the type to accept presents and then 'break off' the relationship. She did not ask him to buy the stuff and I really cannot see how you can refer to this as exploitation! I am offended by what you have said.

Be offended if you like but read my post properly. I said that from HIS POINT OF VIEW, this COULD BE INTERPRETED as exploitation. All he knows is that he's told her several times how hard he's working to buy her gifts for her birthday, she accepted the gifts and then a few days later ended things in what from his point of view was presumably a relationship without problems.

The fact that she didn't ask for them is irrelevant.

Macca83_2

Homeagain wrote: »

The presents were bought long before her birthday, I do know that.

Your daughter sounds like she's extremely thoughtful and considerate. She didn't really have to return the presents but she offered to give them back and pay for the perfume. I think she's showing a maturity beyond her years, there's many who's older who would have taken the presents and walked away.

Macca83_2

lika_86 wrote: »

Be offended if you like but read my post properly. I said that from HIS POINT OF VIEW, this COULD BE INTERPRETED as exploitation. All he knows is that he's told her several times how hard he's working to buy her gifts for her birthday, she accepted the gifts and then a few days later ended things in what from his point of view was presumably a relationship without problems.

The fact that she didn't ask for them is irrelevant.

I can understand where you are coming from with your post. In fact it certainly sounds like this is how the ex has taken the situation. He's just seeing the fact that he's spent £80 on presents and now he's dumped

arbroath_lass

Homeagain wrote: »

I think you are being harsh - she is not the type to accept presents and then 'break off' the relationship. She did not ask him to buy the stuff and I really cannot see how you can refer to this as exploitation! I am offended by what you have said.

Oh for goodness sake that is what she did (apart from the asking). No-one said it WAS exploitation but that it could be interpreted as that. You must see how it looks from the outside.


Everyone here has accepted that it was not intended as that. However she really should have broken up with the boy before her birthday or not have accepted the gifts. That said, she is very young and it can be difficult to split up with someone.


IMO returning the jewellery and paying for the perfume is about the best she can do.

Lequirk_2

Though your daughter may not be very experienced with relationships with boys, at 17, she probably should not have accepted the gifts if she already had doubts about continuing the relationship.

I think the young man involved is probably gutted that your daughter broke up with him, hence the request for money to cover the cost of the gifts.

I think that though you could say these were gifts and that they were given without contract, it might just be better to pay the £80 and have done with the relationship. An expensive mistake for your daughter, but perhaps a life lesson learnt?

ValHaller

Homeagain wrote: »

I think you are being harsh - she is not the type to accept presents and then 'break off' the relationship. She did not ask him to buy the stuff and I really cannot see how you can refer to this as exploitation! I am offended by what you have said.

lika_86 has already clarified that the ex boyfriend is the one who might see it as exploitation.

It is a fair enough comment, this is not just about you and your daughter, his perspective on this should be considered, surely? Even if his reaction has been wrong, one of the things your daughter is trying to get right is dealing with the aftermath.

paulineb_2

If you give a gift you give it in good faith. That is, you expect the person to keep it. A gift. Not a gift that I want back if you leave me.

Nicki

Legally your daughter doesn't have to pay for the gifts or return them.

BUT morally, if she knew before her birthday she wanted to end the relationship she should have done it then. Instinctively she knows this, and her instinct to put it right with her conscience is to pay for the gifts.

I think you interfere with that instinct at your peril. I know you don't want to see her exploited and it is fine to let her know that she doesn't have to do this, but I think you should be proud of her. She is well on her way (if not there already) to becoming a women with great integrity and sensitivity for others.

Homeagain

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Don't mean to offend you homeagain, but how come your daughter didn't finish with her B/F before her birthday? Like weeks/several months before. I mean, she must have known that she wasn't happy with him. Mustn't she?

She has only been seeing him for about 3 months if that. Quite frankly, I asked her the same question and she said that she thought things would work out but he was starting to make her feel uncomfortable - very critical, trying to make her someone that she is not and rather controlling but still she thought they would be ok if she tried to be more like he wanted her to be????? He apparently has not been talking to her since before her birthday (?) and actually had someone deliver the gifts to her at school! She said she was very surprised and had thought that he was trying to make things up when the presents were delivered. She has a very gentle nature, unlike her Mother.