ive done it again

Mojisola

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

well people seem to be going on about tough love and it was waiting to happen etc but they may not be in this situation and not have flesh and blood on the street and that overwhelming guilty feeling when you know their sleeping rough through faults of their own and them doing things to you that can only be described as a cardinal sin to thy family through stealing, BUT he's your flesh and blood and the hope that the last punishment served its notice of never to do again to me had worked, it didn't, its happened and you shouldn't feel guilty for giving him another chance, as lets face it everyone here would have in the same situation and if they say they don't IMHO their lying ofcourse they would give their son, daughter, cousin, grandchild another chance and be gratefull for the chance.

Agree with this - of course most parents would give their child chance after chance to get back on their feet. Knowing that whatever you do isn't actually helping is very difficult to come to terms with

only now, you have to draw the line in the sand and stick to it, you thought you were helping in all honesty, but it just made yourself worse off, its time to say to yourself enough is enough.

Most parents will take no end of abuse from their children, hoping that "this time it will help". It's often when their behaviour starts to affect other family members, especially younger siblings, that the parents can find the strength to stop helping. When all your senses are screaming out to help one of your children, it takes courage and strength to hold back and leave them to the consequences of their actions.

Morglin

ziptia wrote: »

well my 23yr old son and his girlfriend have been staying with me as they were homeless. After everything my son has done to me over the last 2 years I must be off my head as he has stolen off me many times. but this time he has hurt me so much he and his girlfriend have stolen my 8 year olds xmas presents and sold them. I am devastated as I am unable to replace them I am dreading Christmas morning. I have had them both arrested but police said if they do recover any of the gifts that I will not have them back in time as they will need to keep them as evidence. I gave them a roof over their heads even though my son has put me through hell the last few years and this is my thanks. is it wrong of me from now on to have nothing at all to do with him for the rest of my life. I feel so bad that I let them both stay here as they have now ruined Christmas for my 8 year old. drugs addiction has a lot to answer for it ruins family rips them apart. All my son and his girlfriend cares about is their next fix and have hurt an innocent child in the process. I will never forgive them for as long as I live.

Nothing practical I can add, but I'm sorry for all your stress, and totally agree with what you say about junkies and their needs.

Could no other family members perhaps buy your 8 year old a few gifts, even if you paid them back a few quid a week?

And, no, although we forgive our kids almost anything, I think you should blow him out unless he gets clean for a long while.

Besides anything else, you don't want a bad influence around your 8 year old

Lin

nuttywoman

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

OH!!!.


well people seem to be going on about tough love and it was waiting to happen etc but they may not be in this situation and not have flesh and blood on the street and that overwhelming guilty feeling when you know their sleeping rough through faults of their own and them doing things to you that can only be described as a cardinal sin to thy family through stealing, BUT he's your flesh and blood and the hope that the last punishment served its notice of never to do again to me had worked, it didn't, its happened and you shouldn't feel guilty for giving him another chance, as lets face it everyone here would have in the same situation and if they say they don't IMHO their lying ofcourse they would give their son, daughter, cousin, grandchild another chance and be gratefull for the chance.


the drugs have taken over their minds and driven them to extremes.


only now, you have to draw the line in the sand and stick to it, you thought you were helping in all honesty, but it just made yourself worse off, its time to say to yourself enough is enough.

As a parent that had to step back I know what your saying , it is damn hard when its your own child

geoffky

jacques_chirac wrote: »

For those kindly offering gifts, please donate them to your local Salvation Army, they will ensure they find their way to the many children that will have nothing this Christmas. The OP could also contact them if they are in need.

Is that the same salvation army that are putting people on the streets due to sanctions via workfare?....Pure scum of a charity.

jellyhead

ziptia wrote: »

I will have £46 ish on Monday my child benefit money she likes poppet from moshi monsters and Barbie and dolls. I am going to home bargains on Monday morning to see what I can get for her. I am going to tell my daughter thay im going to take her shopping after Christmas to buy more presents for her also I am going to try and sell some stuff from around the house to raise some more money

I noticed some Poppet things, and lots of moshi stuff in home bargains today

I've had two extra children this year, and with shopping for 4 instead of two I've mostly filled the stockings with things from Poundland ... if I were you I'd look at what you've bought for the other children and see if something can be returned and exchanged for something for your youngest (of course if you've bought for your son and his girlfriend, use that!)

A tube of something from poundland - haribo, refreshers, etc. nicely fills the bottom of a stocking. Sainsburys have a third or even half off their gifts. I got a nice Poppet lip balm for £2 last week, it goes around the neck on a string and is really lovely.

One of our cheap gifts is a 'movie night' hamper. I wrap a shoebox in xmas paper and put in a DVD, some popcorn, fizzy pop and sweets. This year's DVD was £3 in Sainsburys but you may be able to get something suitable in Poundland or Home & Bargain. It looks like a big present because it's in a big box :T

ziptia

had an update of the police today my son went to magistrates court this morning and he is now on remand until he goes back to court on the 4th feb but he will be going to crown court as when they searched him he had 18g of cannabis leaves on him aswell. so he is being charged with the drugs stealing from my house and breach of trust. I do not know which prison he is in as I don't want to know im just glad he is not walking the streets and cant steal from someone else. if he can steal of us he can steal of anyone. I have been blaming myself for how he has turned out now hes older but I have realised none of my other children act like him so surely im not totally at fault. I am never giving him another chance.

geminilady

No you are not at fault he is an adult and makes his own mistakes,you can bring Children up all the same but have no control over outside influances,the type of people they mix with so do not blame yourself,maybe the shock of being on remand will bring him to his senses,I hope so too many lives are destroyed through drugs.

Reams

ziptia wrote: »

had an update of the police today my son went to magistrates court this morning and he is now on remand until he goes back to court on the 4th feb but he will be going to crown court as when they searched him he had 18g of cannabis leaves on him aswell. so he is being charged with the drugs stealing from my house and breach of trust. I do not know which prison he is in as I don't want to know im just glad he is not walking the streets and cant steal from someone else. if he can steal of us he can steal of anyone. I have been blaming myself for how he has turned out now hes older but I have realised none of my other children act like him so surely im not totally at fault. I am never giving him another chance.

At least in their care he will have a roof over his head.
ziptia, your posts up until now have been all over the place. Now you're beginning to make sense.

There are some really good people on here, not me, but if you keep posting , they may find a way forward for you. You are not the only member here who is suffering a wayward child.

Keep posting. X

Spendless

Am sorry your son and his gf have done this. £46 should buy plenty in HB, they have moshi monster stuff in there and it's cheap - unlike last year, gutted my dd outgrew them this year! Do you have a B&M? They are also inexpensive. Tesco clubcard vouchers? They were doing a boost to double the amount of the voucher value and one of the categories was toys, unsure if it's still on. Have a look of the grabbit boards on here and the newspaper thread on vouchers board, there's sometimes offers on there you could use, eg in Fridays express there was a voucher to get an e-reader (kobo?) this weekend for £29.99 from WHS.

Any old clothes you've outgrown you can weigh in at one of those 'cash for clothes' places? I'd also go with returning some of the older ones items if you can.

neverdespairgirl

Person_one wrote: »

Its not a shame, your first instinct was to be generous and help out somebody who said they were in need. That's a good thing!

What's a shame is that there are people out there willing to exploit your good nature, they're the problem, not you.

I agree - see my signature.