family issues

CH27

double_mummy wrote: »

so what would suggest that i should have done? had this bombshell hit me be lied to multiple times by my mum finally get the truth and then what......? not talk to anyone about it as it wasnt my secret to tell?

how could i have damaged my dad?

So he wasn't bothered that his wife lied & deceived him?
If you'd have kept your gob shut he wouldn't be hurt & upset.

It's not all about you. You are one cog in a wheel & you need to be considerate of the other people's feelings.

BitterAndTwisted

What I suggest you should have done was to have some respect for your mother's privacy and kept your big trap shut about it!

It's not for you to cross-examine your own mother and "catch her out" about the life she may have led before you were even born.

And now you've blabbed about her darkest secret to people who it doesn't concern. That really is a most terrible and wholly vile betrayal and if you can't see that I feel sorry for you.

If I were your mother I'd never have anything to do with you ever again.

Mojisola

double_mummy wrote: »

dad has been the most supportive person in the whole situation he has been absolutely amazing

CH27 wrote: »

So he wasn't bothered that his wife lied & deceived him?

If you'd have kept your gob shut he wouldn't be hurt & upset.

It's not all about you. You are one cog in a wheel & you need to be considerate of the other people's feelings.

Strange post when the OP's Mum and Dad have been apart for 20 years and he's being supportive to her.

CH27

Mojisola wrote: »

Strange post when the OP's Mum and Dad have been apart for 20 years and he's being supportive to her.

Post 5 from the OP says her Dad is hurt & upset about it.
If OP had kept quiet he wouldn't be hurting.

Mojisola

CH27 wrote: »

Post 5 from the OP says her Dad is hurt & upset about it.
If OP had kept quiet he wouldn't be hurting.

But he is still supporting her so he can't be that upset.

double_mummy

of course it had nothing to do with my dad that his daughter was upset. i dont know what sort of relationship you have with your parents but with my dad at least if my sister or i are upset we are encouraged to discuss things with him.

if i was upset because i found out his partner was cheating would you also advise that i not discuss it with him because it could hurt and upset him and because it his partners secret?

i know i would much rather my own kids to discuss with me something that they were upset about even if it then upset me. would you advise kids not to talk to their parents about being bullied because it would upset them?

if my mum would have told the truth when she was asked then i wouldnt have needed to catch her out. with the evidence in front of me i had to know whether this woman was actually related to me or not and the only way to do that was from her

BitterAndTwisted

She didn't want to discuss it with you and if you had any respect for her at all you would have dropped it there and then.

But no, it was all about you, so you had to go about telling all and sundry about her deeply private business and stir up a whole hornets nest of pain and regret and goodness knows what else.

Instead of trying to justify your appalling and selfish behaviour you should be deeply ashamed of yourself.

quidsy

Why did yiu think your hurt feelings were more important than your mums right to privacy and for her feelings not to take precedence. You sound like an immensely self centered and selfish individual. I don't blame your mum for cutting off contact. She must be deeply hurt her child displayed so little respect for her. You could have built a relationship with hs without !!!!!!!! all over your mum.

quidsy

Your posts are all I, I, I.

Your poor mum couldhave been raped, you still don't know as she chooses not to talk about it.
Imagine if it were you in her shoes, what if you had been traumatised and one of your kids did what you have. Where is your compassion. Even if it wasn't rape, you have NO idea why she gave up her child and contrary to your opinion, it is none of your business either.

paddy's_mum

Oh, my days! If this isn't the biblical 'uncovered his father's nakedness' then I don't know what is.

How cruel.