I need help!!! I don't know where to turn

asparagus1968

so sorry this has happened.
maybe in time this can be your turning point, a fresh start for you.
I don't mean to be rude, but he hasn't acted very maturely.

good idea to do the soa again, get a clear picture in your head.

some ideas:
get money out of joint account when bills are paid

get an account of your own.

tell your family (and his!) what is going on, you need support from someone. hope you have some friends as well to help you emotionally as well as practically

ring stepchange or national debtline as a matter of urgency

would you consider a lodger at all?

please keep posting, don't bury head in sand, get proactive and show that husband what you are made of!

glasgowsaver2011

BMG wrote: »

Thanks for all your advice and kindness.


I have been in touch with the estate agent and they have valued the house. £210,000. I am shocked :eek:I know there are some jobs that need finishing but I didn't think it would knock that much off the price of the house


I was advised that it could be put on the market but any sale couldn't be completed without hubbies agreement with it being a property and mortgage in joint names.


I have still not been able to locate hubby but he is obviously working as his money has been paid into the joint bank account. I have spoken to the guy he used to work for but he says that he doesn't want to get involved and won't tell me where hubby is.


I am going to have to do my SOA again as some figures have changed.

It is worth what its worth - people do over value their homes.

The experts tell you what to expect from it.

Is there an outstanding mortgage on the house.

if not after fees - you will get 100k each. after your debt is paid that will be about 60k in cash, can you stay with your parents.

Anytime money gets paid into the joint account withdraw it all

AMILLIONDOLLARS

glasgowsaver2011 wrote: »

It is worth what its worth - people do over value their homes.

The experts tell you what to expect from it.

Is there an outstanding mortgage on the house.

if not after fees - you will get 100k each. after your debt is paid that will be about 60k in cash, can you stay with your parents.

Anytime money gets paid into the joint account withdraw it all

Two wrongs does not make you right. This is called stealing

I would advise against this. Take what you may need to pay the mortgage for now. I suspect that your husband has not had the time to apply for another account himself. He may have difficulty with this as he may be associated with you on credit files. At some point he may come to get his post, so use the opportunity to talk to him about the mortgage and selling the house. I hope that he will calm down enough for this discussion.

As others have said, it best you know what you are dealing with. Ask for help there is a lot of it around and you will get through this with or without his help. This experience will make you a stronger person.

Good luck

AMD

glasgowsaver2011

AMILLIONDOLLARS wrote: »

Two wrongs does not make you right. This is called stealing

I would advise against this. Take what you may need to pay the mortgage for now. I suspect that your husband has not had the time to apply for another account himself. He may have difficulty with this as he may be associated with you on credit files. At some point he may come to get his post, so use the opportunity to talk to him about the mortgage and selling the house. I hope that he will calm down enough for this discussion.

As others have said, it best you know what you are dealing with. Ask for help there is a lot of it around and you will get through this with or without his help. This experience will make you a stronger person.

Good luck

AMD

Unless he has stated the money is not for her, why should she not assume it is to pay her bills and mortgage.

She needs to withdraw every penny, then he will get in contact.

and it is not wrong.

the whole point of a joint account is all the money in it belongs to both parties jointly.

It is as much hers as his!

BMG

I have spoken to a solicitor this morning and I have been advised not to touch any of the money that has been paid into the bank. He said that even if it is joint account, in the circumstances I could be in major trouble if I touch the money. Therefore it is going to stay there in until he removes it.


I have opened my own bank account now that he will have no access to that.


I am going to start a new post with my new life. This one is a closed episode and I don't want to linger on it any longer. I want to start a fresh and sort out my debts and move on.

JustAboutThere

BMG wrote: »

I am going to start a new post with my new life. This one is a closed episode and I don't want to linger on it any longer. I want to start a fresh and sort out my debts and move on.

Good on you. That sounds really positive.

glasgowsaver2011

You should get further legal advice.

Official legal advice.

If he paid the money in, it is for househo9ld expenses for his house - the house he part owns...

AMILLIONDOLLARS

glasgowsaver2011 wrote: »

Unless he has stated the money is not for her, why should she not assume it is to pay her bills and mortgage.

She needs to withdraw every penny, then he will get in contact.

and it is not wrong.

the whole point of a joint account is all the money in it belongs to both parties jointly.

It is as much hers as his!

The key word is JOINT. I am sure if you worked for your wages and your partner took it all at the end of the week, you would not be too pleased or brush it off so lightly. Why advise someone to do something which you would not like being done to yourself. If its jointly owed, it should be jointly shared, regardless of the circumstance, otherwise it's stealing, which cannot be justified.

AMD

glasgowsaver2011

If he did not want her to have access to it, he would have paid it in and withdrawn it a branch.

He is clearly wanting her to have it to help her out.

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/joint-accounts


"If one of the account holders takes money out of the joint account, there aren’t many options for getting it back.If the account becomes overdrawn, each joint account holder is responsible for the whole of the money owing; so you could become liable for repaying the other person’s debt."

So its not illegal to empty it...

Morally dodgy yep, but illegal nope

AMILLIONDOLLARS

glasgowsaver2011 wrote: »

If he did not want her to have access to it, he would have paid it in and withdrawn it a branch.

He is clearly wanting her to have it to help her out.

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/joint-accounts


"If one of the account holders takes money out of the joint account, there aren’t many options for getting it back.If the account becomes overdrawn, each joint account holder is responsible for the whole of the money owing; so you could become liable for repaying the other person’s debt."

So its not illegal to empty it...

Morally dodgy yep, but illegal nope

You are making assumptions, until he states what he wishes, she should treat the situation with respect. As you have just said they both become liable if the account is over-drawn. And as I have stated previously, if this was happening to you, you would not be taking this matter so lightly.

It so easy to advise someone to do something that may/or may not be legal or morally correct, when you are not the one living with the consequences of the action. She should do what is best for her in the long run, that is to ensure that she does not make a bad situation worse, which would seem inevitable by taking all his money.

AMD