'Don't have kids unless you are ready to marry' says judge

catkins

aileth wrote: »

I really don't understand the arguments of whether an expensive wedding is 'better' than one done on the cheap. Surely it's down to each individual couple and sod the rest of them.

We had a medium-priced wedding and half the in-laws thought we had spent too much, the other half thought we had been 'cheap.'

You really can't win and EVERYONE has an opinion. It's your day, do it how you want.

It's not whether the wedding is expensive or cheap it's about couples who have children and say they want to get married but can't afford to. No maybe they can't afford the big expensive flashy cars wedding but they certainly CAN afford to get married. People should not confuse weddings with marriage. A wedding can cost a fortune a marriage doesn't.

unicorn1984 wrote: »

Yes, most people probably CAN afford to get married, paying £400 or whatever to have a cheap, registry office wedding, but maybe they don't WANT to do that? Perhaps they are waiting for a day when they CAN afford to have the wedding they want, rather than one people say they can afford to have? Or maybe they want to put that money to use somewhere else, like a pension, house, savings etc?

It really makes no odds if a couple is married because they want to, need to or can afford to be does it?

So they want to get married but don't want a cheap wedding well why not have the cheap registry office wedding so they are married and then, if they want to, save for a bigger more expensive day?

If couples don't want to get married that's up to them but keep moaning that they can't afford to get married when that is totally untrue is silly. I know couples that "want" to get married but years later are still not married because they can't afford it. Will they ever be able to if they want an expensive wedding? Surely things go up all the time?

I also know at least two couples with children that pretend they are married because they don't want people to know they have children without being married. The women call themselves "mrs" and wear a wedding ring. My argument is if it is that important to them why not go and get married?

aileth

Totally agree with you, Catkins.

My grandparents-in-law got married and they could only afford for grandma to have a proper ring. Grandpa still doesn't have one to this day, I think they used like a tin one to say their vows! They went to the registry office and then for a pint at the working men's club. He promised grandma that they'd have a proper 'wedding' when they could afford it, but they never were bothered about it so never did, as being married was all that mattered to them in the end.

unicorn1984

Dunroamin wrote: »

It may not make them less stable but it doesn't explain why they've chosen not to marry.

Because they would rather spend their money on their new child, as stated above. They do INTEND to marry at some point, but decided that rather than spend all their savings on a wedding, which was their original plan, they would rather put it towards starting a family, as I said, she didn't meet him til her early 30's and they had trouble conceiving anyway, so had the put it off longer, they may never have had a child at all. At the time, starting a family to them was more of a priority than having a big wedding, or any wedding at all for that matter.

I am just saying that my point was, because someone chooses something else to spend their money on rather than a wedding, and says they cant afford to get married, people are saying its a rubbish excuse, like if you have a spare few hundred quid you SHOULD get married on the cheap. I just think you should be able to get married for £1,000,000 if you like, or £400, but people shouldn't say "oh they say they cant afford it,but it only costs £400 to get married" but not everyone WANTS to get married cheaply just because there is the option to?

If that makes sense?! LOL

Clevernamehere

I can't help but think that there is a solution to this issue that is pretty easy. Why don't we have a legal agreement, let's call it a "civil marriage" for everyone gay or straight? Then, people could make up their own minds about what else they need whether it be:
- a full religious ceremony in a church, mosque etc. For some they wouldn't feel "married" until they had this.
- a lavish party in a hotel with all their friends costing a fortune.
- a nice lunch with friends & family
- Nothing. The civil ceremony would be enough for some.
- A hippy blessing in a forest.
- A "wedding" party 5 years later when they can afford it.
- A wedding in a foreign country.
- A romantic dinner for 2

This would also mean that religious groups that object to gay marriage, 2nd marriages or whatever, simply wouldn't do them (and eventually become irrelevant!)

(I've been happily living in sin for nearly 10 years. We couldn't be any more committed than we are. I see our commitment as being to each other and we don't need a wedding ceremony to prove it to anyone else. We might get married one day, it's just not something that is a priority for us.)

Mojisola

catkins wrote: »

I am not sure what an "event" room is.

It's a room to hold events like weddings in rather than an office that is someone's workplace.

I have been to lots of registry office weddings and they have all been held in a "room". The size of the room varies but it has never been so small that it could be called an "office".

Most ROs have several rooms of different sizes that can be used for weddings and other occasions. Some ROs charge the same for all the rooms; some charge more for the bigger rooms.

Some ROs also offer a basic "signing of paperwork" wedding for people who don't want anything more - the couple and the obligatory two witnesses. This is usually done in an office and is the cheapest option.

unicorn1984

catkins wrote: »

It's not whether the wedding is expensive or cheap it's about couples who have children and say they want to get married but can't afford to. No maybe they can't afford the big expensive flashy cars wedding but they certainly CAN afford to get married. People should not confuse weddings with marriage. A wedding can cost a fortune a marriage doesn't.



So they want to get married but don't want a cheap wedding well why not have the cheap registry office wedding so they are married and then, if they want to, save for a bigger more expensive day?

If couples don't want to get married that's up to them but keep moaning that they can't afford to get married when that is totally untrue is silly. I know couples that "want" to get married but years later are still not married because they can't afford it. Will they ever be able to if they want an expensive wedding? Surely things go up all the time?

I also know at least two couples with children that pretend they are married because they don't want people to know they have children without being married. The women call themselves "mrs" and wear a wedding ring. My argument is if it is that important to them why not go and get married?

I don't know anyone who "moans" about not being able to afford to get married....so maybe that's why we differ in opinion. The people I am talking about CAN afford to get married and have a big day, but decided having their long-wanted baby to be more important, and then they will get married next year maybe but not spend as much money, because now they have their daughter, they have decided that having a lavish wedding is not so important anymore. They aren't going to have a registry office £400 job because they don't want to, but they wont be spending what they would have originally when they do get married.

I couldn't afford to have a big wedding, but wanted to be married before we had our son, so we did get married at the registry office, on "the cheap" if you like. That was my choice, but not everyone wants to do that I guess.

Just saying, why get married cheaply because some people think you should, when you can save up and have the day you truly want? The people you speak of, like I say, I don't know anyone like that, but I see what you mean in that respect. If they WANT to get married just to be called Mr and Mrs then yes, just go to the registry office. But if they want the full on white wedding then they should just save up and stop moaning! lol

Regarding having the cheap wedding then saving for a more expensive one, what's the point in that? Why cant they just marry when they want, at the cost they can afford and want to pay?

Saturnalia

Who even asks other people why they aren't married?!? Is this really A Thing?

unicorn1984

Saturnalia wrote: »

Who even asks other people why they aren't married?!? Is this really A Thing?

Ha ha good point!

lostinrates

Clevernamehere wrote: »

I can't help but think that there is a solution to this issue that is pretty easy. Why don't we have a legal agreement, let's call it a "civil marriage" for everyone gay or straight? Then, people could make up their own minds about what else they need whether it be:
- a full religious ceremony in a church, mosque etc. For some they wouldn't feel "married" until they had this.
- a lavish party in a hotel with all their friends costing a fortune.
- a nice lunch with friends & family
- Nothing. The civil ceremony would be enough for some.
- A hippy blessing in a forest.
- A "wedding" party 5 years later when they can afford it.
- A wedding in a foreign country.
- A romantic dinner for 2

This would also mean that religious groups that object to gay marriage, 2nd marriages or whatever, simply wouldn't do them (and eventually become irrelevant!)

(I've been happily living in sin for nearly 10 years. We couldn't be any more committed than we are. I see our commitment as being to each other and we don't need a wedding ceremony to prove it to anyone else. We might get married one day, it's just not something that is a priority for us.)

I think civil ceremony for all is excellent option. It also then allows religious groups or non religious groups to celebrate however they want to (or not) equally. I'm wholly for it and have argued for the same myself before on such threads.

lostinrates

Saturnalia wrote: »

Who even asks other people why they aren't married?!? Is this really A Thing?

We had a really odd thing where a fianc! of a friend of dh's was really pushy about why we weren't getting married in a church...she kept saying 'but you have to, but you have to'. Eventually I pointed out I was a lapsed catholic with distinctly non Christian tendencies and DH was Jewish. She was VERY young. Far too young emotionally to get married IMO, but there you go, free world.

Her husband is now a vicar.