'Don't have kids unless you are ready to marry' says judge

LittleMissAspie

Being born to married parents worked out really well for my boyfriend, by the time he was 2 they had divorced.

Being born to married parents worked out really well for me too, I got to grow up in a house with two miserable parents having screaming matches most evenings while I hid in my bedroom, learning the valuable skill of never talking to anyone in case it triggered an argument. They've been married for over 40 years now and are still sniping at each other. How stable and committed of them.

Saturnalia

Mojisola wrote: »

It's more likely to be A Thing when one partner dies and the survivor finds he/she isn't entitled to a Bereavement Payment or a Widowed Parent's Allowance or a Bereavement Allowance;

or that the survivor ends up paying IHT because he/she isn't entitled to a spousal exemption;

or, when a couple haven't sorted out wills, the survivor has to sell the family home and give the money to those entitled under the intestacy rules, etc.

Saturnalia wrote: »

And that, just like anything else to with their relationship, is their problem. Not yours.

Mojisola wrote: »

Did I say it was?

*Confused* I asked if people really go around asking strangers about their marital status. Is this really "A Thing" i.e. something which occurs in real life? And you replied that it is indeed A Thing, and a few reasons to justify it.

Excuse me if I've assumed you go around quizzing people on their private lives if you don't - but if you don't, your reply doesn't make any sense.

lostinrates

Savemesomemoneyplease wrote: »

Exactly, other posters are implying one should get married as soon as they psychically can to protect the behinds!

I don't think psychics help much at all :rotfl:;)


I don't think anyone should get married ' for the sake of it' or ' as soon as they can'.

I have said before, I would not enter into anything I couldn't undo without protection...so do financial entanglement beyond what I could walk away from...no house buying for example, without written agreement or marriage but most importantly without the conversations behind it. No children without at least the same.

I'm lucky, I have a good strong relationship which would have been fine married, living together, or LAT, which is pretty much what we have to do, but its strong In part I think because I'm not a drifter, and couldn't not have those conversations about what we wanted, whether we were on the same page etc. they don,t have to end in marriage at all. They do have to end with love.

Bennifred

unicorn1984 wrote: »

Kind of makes marriage more business like in that instance really..... I know its all real and important, but its so cold and financially based! LOL

I don't think it is cold to want the best protection possible for a loved one, whether that is financial or otherwise.

Savemesomemoneyplease

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't think psychics help much at all :rotfl:;)


I don't think anyone should get married ' for the sake of it' or ' as soon as they can'.

I have said before, I would not enter into anything I couldn't undo without protection...so do financial entanglement beyond what I could walk away from...no house buying for example, without written agreement or marriage but most importantly without the conversations behind it. No children without at least the same.

I'm lucky, I have a good strong relationship which would have been fine married, living together, or LAT, which is pretty much what we have to do, but its string I part I think because I'm not a drifter, and couldn't not have those conversations about what we wanted, whether we were on the same page etc. they don,t have to end in marriage at all. They do have to end with love.

Oh no I had a typo disaster. :eek:

Tbh this doesn't worry me as I fully intend to get married, when I reach the financial stability and age that is right for me. I'm in a long-term relationship and not actively abstaining from marriage, it's just not right for us yet.

unicorn1984

My partner has life insurance, which is in my name so god forbid anything happens to him I get a payout, and also his pension from work would go to me too. We aren't married, yet to me that means if anything were to happen, I would be financially stable?

aileth

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

Being born to married parents worked out really well for my boyfriend, by the time he was 2 they had divorced.

Being born to married parents worked out really well for me too, I got to grow up in a house with two miserable parents having screaming matches most evenings while I hid in my bedroom, learning the valuable skill of never talking to anyone in case it triggered an argument. They've been married for over 40 years now and are still sniping at each other. How stable and committed of them.

As much as I agree that married parents are beneficial to children, there comes a point where it's way more damaging than good. Parents that stay married for 'the children' and absolutely resent and hate each other, even if they don't show so in front of the child, children are not daft and know the atmosphere and the situation, although this equally applies to non-married couples who stay together 'for the children.'

lostinrates

unicorn1984 wrote: »

My partner has life insurance, which is in my name so god forbid anything happens to him I get a payout, and also his pension from work would go to me too. We aren't married, yet to me that means if anything were to happen, I would be financially stable?

We cannot possibly know in depth everyone's personal situation.

Inheritance is a big factor, Whether your wills are up to date and reflect what you want to happen (married or otherwise, but marriage gives a base line protection on intestacy on to a partner). Also IH threshold. With property, in some parts of the country, this is not so hard to cross. For example, if you are property owners, does his will reflect that you should get his share of the house? Or if you have children, that his children should?

DH lost his mother in his teens, and his parents were married. While I think marriage gives a base line, I don't think its by any means a perfect substitution for a will. Its better than nothing in that instance.

Mojisola

Saturnalia wrote: »

*Confused* I asked if people really go around asking strangers about their marital status. Is this really "A Thing" i.e. something which occurs in real life? And you replied that it is indeed A Thing, and a few reasons to justify it.

Excuse me if I've assumed you go around quizzing people on their private lives if you don't - but if you don't, your reply doesn't make any sense.

I took "A Thing" to mean "an issue" which it can be for some unmarried couples who either would have been able to claim benefits or who end up paying IHT which wouldn't have happened to a married couple.

It doesn't matter to me how other people arrange their lives.

Dunroamin

Savemesomemoneyplease wrote: »

But what about a couple who are in their 20s?

Marriage should be about love, with legal benefits as simply that - benefits.

You're so clinical.

Isn't love also about taking care of the loved one if something like death or illness should happen?