Nice People Thread Number 10 -the official residence of Nice People

Tahlullah

LydiaJ wrote: »

I try to be fair in what I say about him. His controlling behaviour was damaging to me, and his affair was indefensible, so I'm not trying to defend it. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Nevertheless, I loved him once, he was the father of my kids, and he had many good points, for which I believe it's important that I give him credit where it's due.

I get very cross with Sue's ex too, so I understand why the rest of you get cross with LNE. I've been very angry with him in the past, but I've no intention of letting what he did poison any more of my life by hanging onto anger at somebody who's dead - I can't think of anything more counterproductive than to stay stuck in past trauma like that. Forgiving him gives me the freedom to move on with my life unencumbered.

.

This is probably one of the most beautiful things I have read on a forum. Thank you for sharing.

I am honestly in awe of your capacity to forgive and move forward with you life, not allowing such a negative event to shape you in a bitter way.

You are truly a lovely person as the other NP have said, and I could only hope to have a quarter of your capacity for kindness.

I hope the rest of your life brings you joy and happiness and the freedom to be heard and respected when you speak!

Tx

lostinrates

Tahlullah wrote: »

This is probably one of the most beautiful things I have read on a forum. Thank you for sharing.

I am honestly in awe of your capacity to forgive and move forward with you life, not allowing such a negative event to shape you in a bitter way.

You are truly a lovely person as the other NP have said, and I could only hope to have a quarter of your capacity for kindness.

I hope the rest of your life brings you joy and happiness and the freedom to be heard and respected when you speak!

Tx

I agree, its beautiful Nd incredibly Lydia. Sincere, true, and good.

But.....I also feel its important in being forgiving he isn't beatified, leaving any memories his kids have of him that might be half forgotten but contributory to sense of self feeling confused or hidden.

Those of us lucky enough to have parents well into adult hood usually gain a deeper understanding of character and impact and forgiveness of them AND ourselves in adult hood I think.

lostinrates

Conversation with Dog dog this morning:

'Breakfast?'

Dog dog lying lipid a roman on the sofa indicates she'd like to see what's in the bowl before committing, I show her the bowl of dog porridge, Unimpressed, head rolls back on sofa, in pretty convincing dying swan'

'Yummy scrambly eggy?"

Dog dog leaps to feet ( admittedly with a yelp and a wince) and trots off infront of me to the cheese room.

LydiaJ

Tahlullah wrote: »

This is probably one of the most beautiful things I have read on a forum. Thank you for sharing.

I am honestly in awe of your capacity to forgive and move forward with you life, not allowing such a negative event to shape you in a bitter way.

You are truly a lovely person as the other NP have said, and I could only hope to have a quarter of your capacity for kindness.

I hope the rest of your life brings you joy and happiness and the freedom to be heard and respected when you speak!

Tx

Thank you. It's not actually my capacity to forgive. It's a God thing - couldn't have done it without Him. I can PM you (or any other NP) the story if you want to know how.

lostinrates wrote: »

I agree, its beautiful Nd incredibly Lydia. Sincere, true, and good.

But.....I also feel its important in being forgiving he isn't beatified, leaving any memories his kids have of him that might be half forgotten but contributory to sense of self feeling confused or hidden.

Those of us lucky enough to have parents well into adult hood usually gain a deeper understanding of character and impact and forgiveness of them AND ourselves in adult hood I think.

Oh no, he's not beatified. Neither of them has any difficulty mentioning any things about him that they didn't like, and DS in particular strongly disapproves of LNE, although I hope he will learn as he grows up to view him as flawed and damaged rather than just bad. His failings get mentioned when necessary. For example, the other day I was explaining to DD, who has a tendency to get angry with people who "get it wrong" when trying to be helpful to her, that it was terribly important for her to learn, as she grows up, not to be like that. I said that LNE had been like that and it had been one of the things that ruined our marriage, and I didn't want it to ruin hers when she's grown up. I say things like that when I want her to learn not to make the mistakes I made, too.

lostinrates wrote: »

Conversation with Dog dog this morning:

'Breakfast?'

Dog dog lying lipid a roman on the sofa indicates she'd like to see what's in the bowl before committing, I show her the bowl of dog porridge, Unimpressed, head rolls back on sofa, in pretty convincing dying swan'

'Yummy scrambly eggy?"

Dog dog leaps to feet ( admittedly with a yelp and a wince) and trots off infront of me to the cheese room.

:rotfl: I love your descriptions of your dogs. I hope she enjoyed her scrambly eggy.

lostinrates

LydiaJ wrote: »

and DS in particular strongly disapproves of LNE, although I hope he will learn as he grows up to view him as flawed and damaged rather than just bad.

He's a beautiful a complicated mix of you, his father and the very beautiful 'self' that is from just him. . This sounds remarkably like how your described his father's attitude to others though. .

I hope he will too. Because ultimately, what ever he was he was 'just a person'. And he was a person who you all loved, and who has been behind two of the dearest people I've met. (Seems wrong to keep refeirring to ds as 'little' nowadays)


She did enjoy the egg, then she legged it back to the sofa. She really doesn't want to be put back with the others, which is fine, I don't want her back with the others yet. I'm just doing my tens thingy then I'll light the wood burner for her. Tbh, while I don't think she'd opt for surgery, lying on the sofa and having the wood burner all day is pretty much her idea of heaven.

bugslet

LydiaJ wrote: »

- I can't think of anything more counterproductive than to stay stuck in past trauma like that. Forgiving him gives me the freedom to move on with my life unencumbered.
.

Precisely, it only hands power to people if you linger in the past. Obviously different as I chose to stay with Mr Bugs post affair, but you do have to move on, otherwise you waste too much precious time.

lostinrates wrote: »

Conversation with Dog dog this morning:

'Breakfast?'

Dog dog lying lipid a roman on the sofa indicates she'd like to see what's in the bowl before committing, I show her the bowl of dog porridge, Unimpressed, head rolls back on sofa, in pretty convincing dying swan'

'Yummy scrambly eggy?"

Dog dog leaps to feet ( admittedly with a yelp and a wince) and trots off infront of me to the cheese room.

There's a certain predictability to dogs sometimes, mine are much the same.

LydiaJ

bugslet wrote: »

Precisely, it only hands power to people if you linger in the past. Obviously different as I chose to stay with Mr Bugs post affair, but you do have to move on, otherwise you waste too much precious time.

I did choose to stay. A year or so later, he chose to leave.

Generali

Crivens. It's all a bit heavy in here for an emotionally repressed Anglo Saxon like me.

Bit of a family update. I'm feeling extra proud of girl Generalissimo. She's been picked as star of Orphan Annie of her drama class and is one of only 3 kids from her primary school to be picked to go to the Sydney schools Gifted and Talented day.

I'm trying to push her down the science road because I know what the quants at work earn! She's determined to impoverish herself by doing acting and singing.

silvercar

Women never admit their age, but their footwear is always a giveaway.

Hmm.


I can't wear heels over 2 inches without getting terrible back ache. Luckily I'm about 5' 6", so I have sufficient height and wouldn't want to reinforce the inadequacies that some vertically challenged men feel.

Spirit_2

Generali wrote: »

Crivens. It's all a bit heavy in here for an emotionally repressed Anglo Saxon like me.

Bit of a family update. I'm feeling extra proud of girl Generalissimo. She's been picked as star of Orphan Annie of her drama class and is one of only 3 kids from her primary school to be picked to go to the Sydney schools Gifted and Talented day.

I'm trying to push her down the science road because I know what the quants at work earn! She's determined to impoverish herself by doing acting and singing.

Extra pride is justified, clever talented girl.

A girl we know who is studying drama and wants to be an actor, is described by her father as "training to be a waitress".