Nice People Thread Number 10 -the official residence of Nice People

Spirit_2

misskool wrote: »

Emotional attachment to clothes. I'm getting the spring cleaning feeling to chuck things away but this whole thing has thumped me. I'm like you, annoyed that I can't just be getting on but just can't do anything (but we have different conditions obvs)

My daughter has been clearing out. She is not a clothesy person but has has hardly ever thrown anything out. As she has changed very little in size from aged 18 she has quite a bit that can go.

I have taken some lovely things to the charity shop as I just needed to do it whilst she was in the mood to do so. One dress I felt very tricky about - a size six/eight silk strappy dress made by a local designer which had a fabulous pleat at the back in rainbow silk stripes, and a cacherel silk top I bought her from a Paris flea market. There were a number of other bought for a wedding/ball type of outfits from Monsoon etc. I just had to steel myself that someone would be delighted with their 'find'. She had let go of some clothes associated with the past and that is all good.

Today however DD has suggested we do a car boot sale - as she has a lot of stuff- which she thinks would sell! What has stimulated this is that she has an unworn Superdry Top which can go. What is it that makes this trigger a money saving moment?

I have never even been to a car boot sale.

misskool

i hate whining.

but it's still on tonight and i want it to be over. and i hate seeing the gp about it as i just get relief rather than solutions.

Spirit_2

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Could easily be 2-3 million in total. That's a lot of arguing.

feeling a bit low about it all. Family argument wouldn't brighten anyone's day.

Poor chap, having this foisted on him.

I have this evening been listening to a tale of divorce settlement woe.

Keeping the £1.5M house, getting £200k cash and keeping £200K cash will leave the lady feeling poor. It is a large house and downsizing is a very reasonable possibility - the house will realise at least its minimum valuation. However she is 55 and has not worked for the last decade. She has a new partner and this relationship may last.

I was not sure how I felt...empathy...or hang on, this is quite a good position to be in. So kept schtum - unusual for me.

silvercar

We need something relatively restful as OH is very busy a the moment - and will be away most of May with very little time off before then after this break. We like cities - galleries, buildings, churches, music.

Barcelona.

Spirit_2

misskool wrote: »

i hate whining.

but it's still on tonight and i want it to be over. and i hate seeing the gp about it as i just get relief rather than solutions.

Oh missK, it is OK to whine. Why no solutions? Is it not solveable or are they just not offered?

Seek relief at least - it is better than suffering.

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

If I had children I would leave to children with protection for spouse for their lifetime. Seen it in family and friends families now several times over leaving to spouse when remarriage and children of another marriage join or subsesequant children. Its never, ever straight forward. I feel if I did what I want with mine it would leave my partner to leave theirs equally between all loved children, theirs and theirs of heart .

I got in a terrible tiz when we wrote our first wills. I wanted to make sure my share of everything went to my kids eventually and wasn't diluted if he had more kids with anyone else. At the same I wanted OH to be protected so that he could have my money to spend (wisely) if he so wished.

I know older couples who are living together rather than marrying, just because marriage would create inheritance problems.

lostinrates

misskool wrote: »

i hate whining.

but it's still on tonight and i want it to be over. and i hate seeing the gp about it as i just get relief rather than solutions.

Its not whining.

Its not that good for you to be working so hard yet going though this. Women who have easy time or men possibly underestimate the impact this can have on a person trying to maintain normal life/ job if its not normal.

In the time you've been 'away' have no solutions been forthcoming?

zagubov

silvercar wrote: »

Barcelona.

Seconded! :beer:

misskool

Spirit wrote: »

Oh missK, it is OK to whine. Why no solutions? Is it not solveable or are they just not offered?

Seek relief at least - it is better than suffering.

Diagnosis = ops for life (well, more than most ppl) but it's a vicious cycle. Will pm you once I've had a bit of sleep.

And yes. Barcelona. Great place! Just watch the pickpockets though.

LydiaJ

lostinrates wrote: »

Deliberately not quoting anyone! L, its not about not trusting DH for me, its about trusting him to want to do right for everybody in his life at the time, yet knowing he'd feel torn and confused p. having a sort of first hand experience of this, though no new siblings, he has a new sibling by marriage, and expects to see nothing of his parents' money, which is also fine by me, but truthfully DOES rankle DH and his siblings, especially as the relationship is ...not easy.

I'm sure it must rankle. FWIW, when I said I wouldn't let it cause a rift if that happened to me, I didn't mean to imply that I would be happy about it, or that it would be easy not to let it cause a rift, just that I would do my best, as fir seems to be doing, to get over it and not let it develop into a feud.

lostinrates wrote: »

I know DH has a big heart and if he met/meets someone with children those children will be people he considers 'children of his househould' and loved and cared for and he'd want them, and any subsequent child treated equally. If we had one I'd want them to know, in a way DH and his siblings don't always feel, that they were thought of in a way to make secure and loved and provided for specially. I think that of the first left everything to the children of the marriage so the second could of they choose leave everything equally to every one, it is the easiest of a difficult dividing up of goods. Luckily, love, support...the really important things...never need to be divided!

But lir, that's all very well if there's plenty of money to go round, especially if the parents are old and the children are grown up. What if leaving all your assets to your kids would leave fir with not enough of the assets of the marriage to keep your home going? Would you want him to have to sell up and move at such a traumatic time in his life? Or would you want your kids' capital tied up in a house that fir was still living in? I think silvercar expressed the dilemma perfectly:

silvercar wrote: »

I got in a terrible tiz when we wrote our first wills. I wanted to make sure my share of everything went to my kids eventually and wasn't diluted if he had more kids with anyone else. At the same I wanted OH to be protected so that he could have my money to spend (wisely) if he so wished.

I'm not sure that this works either:

lostinrates wrote: »

If I had children I would leave to children with protection for spouse for their lifetime.

It was a great solution a century or so ago, when inflation was almost non-existent and interest rates were high enough that the spouse in such a situation could live on the income from the investment without diminishing its value, so that it would still be there for the kids to inherit after the second death. But it's unworkable now. It ties up the money, possibly for decades, with its value being inflated away, while the spouse merely gets to collect a piddly amount of interest that's not enough to be useful to man nor beast, and can't actually use the capital for anything. I believe PN knows of a situation along these lines that has not turned out how the testator intended at all.