Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

BILLIE

Once again Lilty you surpass everything in one of your posts. You have such a way with words and probably are able to put down all the things that we think, but somehow it just doesn't come out right.

Such a grown up attitude to life - sadly being much older than you I have lost many very dear people in my time and it is this time of year that they are foremost in my mind, recalling happy, and sometimes not so happy, Christmas' of years gone by.

So as you say where will we all be this time next year, I have thoroughly enjoyed your 2014 journey and hope that you do not object to me following you and Jelly in 2015 - don't want you to think me a stalker, but you are such a breath of fresh air with your attitude etc.

Through your thread I would like to wish everyone a peaceful, stress free and calm 2015, here's hoping that it does bring us great joy and happiness, but to those in turmoil and worry I stretch out the hand of virtual friendship.

Thank you Lilty you are truly Wonder Woman in a way that you will never know - hope those spoon and towel obsessions are also fulfilled - I agree that fluffy towels are a dream ....... Xx

Take care one and all xxxxxx

Hopefuljoy

You are an amazing young lady Lilty! It might seem an old fashioned word lady but to me it places you in a rare category. You are kind, forgiving, gracious under immense pressure, positive even in the face of illness and emotional hurt, share loads of wisdom and strength with us virtual friends, have a stunning daughter who is a total credit to you, are conscientious about work and being careful with your future and a blooming legend! So, all in all, a lady!

You promised us you'd reread your posts from before Christmas about Him. I hope you have...... I used to make the error of thinking that because He who shall not be named got better behaved for a few days or weeks that I should keep going. What I wish I had done is sit down and worked out what behaviour was in a really good relationship full stop and used that as my measure. It would have raised the bar hugely to what a deserving lady should always have in any equal partnership! If him measures up after long and careful observation of Him in his natural, no pressure placed on Him environment then brilliant! If not then .........

Sorry, that was a bit bossy, but like all your chums on this thread I care about your long term future. Butting out now!!

Have a wonderful day and I shall tune in later today to see if you're still talking to me!

liltdiddylilt

Ahhhhh thank you as always for your fab compliments people. Where would I be without you hmm?

Hopeful of course I am still talking to you!! I did go back, and re-read the start. I often read my first post, as on the 'new version' of MSE I am Alpha testing, it is at the top of every page! But this time I went back through a couple of pages. I can honestly, say, hand on heart, that whilst things are in no way perfect (are they ever) that Him has been a lot lot lot better than he was.

This time last year, I was in complete turmoil. Trying to fix a gaping wound in my chest with a 'Mike the Knight' plaster borrowed from Jelly. Not sleeping, not eating properly, in a heck of a lot of pain from freshly ruptured discs, struggling to get back into work after weeks of being off with first my back, then stress.. I did not enjoy my Christmas. I had a horrific argument with Him on Christmas Eve and the next few days were spent trying to cover up those wounds too and pretend everything could be OK, when in my head everything was a million miles from OK.

But... Lilt 2.0 is strong. I have transformed and rebuilt myself. I stand so firmly on my own two feet that Him is left without purpose for the most part. Certainly he brings nothing practical to my existence other than someone to look after Jelly and collect her from Nursery etc when I am working. But what he does bring, is love and care. He is back to being the person I used to know and love, faults and all. He has his moments. I do too. I drive him utterly bonkers when I leave the doors open. I frustrate him by starting a sentence, getting distracted and then not even remembering I was speaking to him. See Lucky, not just your DH that does these things! I could name a hundred imperfections I have personally.

What I take from my relationship now, is the good, and the bad, in equal measure. I look at my grandparents, and their enduring marriage. They drive each other nutty, but when one or the other of them is in hospital for whatever reason, like now, they are untethered and lost and profoundly upset by the loss of their true other half. I think all too often in this day and age of throwaway EVERYTHING; where nothing costs all that much to replace, and it doesn't last for long and you don't care because you want an upgrade by the time it is a bit battered anyway, we look at relationships in the same way. The grass is greener, we can upgrade to a new other half who will fulfil things that we think we want sitting here now.

I have to admit, that before Him and I broke up in that horrible September, I had spent 6 months, watching him on his online games, retreating away from me online, and finding someone there, who happened to be female, who he felt he could talk to in a way he had stopped talking to me. I could have viewed the warning signs and done something about it other than trying to ban the contact, but I was looking at the picture of what he brought to me and thinking I was very tired of always being the one who did everything. Thinking I could upgrade.

YES - you are right. I could do better. I could do a lot worse. And like so many 40-50 somethings (not yourself included here Hopeful, you did the BEST thing possible for you and your family, and it will always be the right decision) - I don't want to spend my later years thinking what-if's. Watching Jelly go over to her dads, to be with him and try and fit into his new family, with half brothers and sisters, feeling a bit awkward and left out, or maybe being so included that she doesn't really want to be home with me. I want to make sure that I do what is best for all of us. And whilst I am 90% sure that what we are doing now is right, I want to work on making it 100% and living together and still being happy. I don't want to throw it away for a cheap upgrade. I want to add things to what I have, which make us all happy.

Lucky & lubava & BILLIE please, of course, and everyone else I have not mentioned who are in my thoughts a dozen times a day, join me in 2015. Lilt 2.0 might be upgrading to new software. 2.1? As I usually wait until everyone else has downloaded these things and tested them before I try it out, I am going to be brave. Lilt 2.1 will be in action from 2015 onwards. Software fixes include Battle Mode, more 'me-time', and more time dedicated to doing THINGS with Jelly, and also with Him. The WiiU has been a good start, but there is more to life than sitting on my bum playing games. Who knows. It might include some surprises... as Lucky said; it isn't what happens. It is how I attack it. And I am attacking next year.

Battle mode activated. xx

apple_muncher

Battle mode activated.

Cape on.

Wonderwoman costume donned - including THOSE boots.

Surprise mode also on.


Have a wonderful, joyous, fun-filled 2015 with all those you love. xx

liltdiddylilt

Thank you Applemuncher - one of the very best of people to pop into my thread. I am a lucky girl..

liltdiddylilt

Right:

Todays action plan:

1. Get myself & Jelly up, showered & dressed - done (but only really because the little monster covered herself and a bedroom wall in sudocrem! :eek:)
2. Take down the tree and decorations & blitz through the house putting it back to rights - in progress, tree & decs gone, cleaning just in progress
3. Blitz up the ends of my loaf into breadcrumbs & freeze, and sort out the lamb leftovers into useable portions, then decide what to do with it. Bread blitzed (thanks p&f) - lamb sorted but not decided on all the things to do with it yet.
4. Write a shopping list based on what I have in & need to make it into food (not a whole lot) - add in basics. teabags, bread, milk, soya milk & off out to get it.
5. Get a load of washing done and dried
6. Iron Jelly's clothes
7. Have a bath and scrub/defuzz everywhere. Gawd knows what might see the light of day tomorrow & I will be too doped up to care.

Got a lot to do so shifting my bum back to the vacuum cleaner and polish. Have lost my duster Thank goodness I scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom to within an inch of their lives yesterday & polished the tiles!

Hugs!! See you later when I will be unable to move from my back. :eek: needs must! Won't be doing anything for 5 days!!

BILLIE

Lilty have you got your op tomorrow? Sorry your thread is so full I have forgotten - sorry. sending virtual hugs that all goes well. Is it Canterbubble you are going to? Is transport sorted for you? Xxx

apple_muncher

Hugs - gentle ones - for tomorrow and the following 5 days of immobility. Who will be on Jellymonster duty? Xx

Brightspark87

hi! Looks like you had a FAB christmas I am so happy for you xxx belated Merry Christmas

supersaver1000

Hope all goes well tomorrow Lilty Lulu.

I just read your long post and totally understand where you are coming from. Sounds like a very good perspective. Xxxxxxxx