Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

liltdiddylilt

Thanks apple

She will be 2 1/2 on Thursday so unfortunately she hit that age right at the wrong time. She shows most of the signs that are called for, but with others she is completely oblivious. The few attempts we have had, were all for nothing really and she started to get really angry/scared of the potty so I decided to put it away and try again at another time. We don't have the outdoor space, and I am happy to spend a week or 2 with the heating on to keep her warm if that is what it takes - I'm lucky that down sarf, it seems an overcoat warmer than home!

Anyways, it will happen and I am not pushing it for now. I don't have the energy frankly at the moment as she can be quite contrary for no apparent reason (just like mummy) and will happily take the consequences of making me mad (i.e. throwing my phone at the floor) - happy to go to her room and scream and throw things.

Little monkey :rotfl: tonight she took herself off to bed at 6pm sharp, half an hour earlier than usual and was asleep instantly. I had a leisurely dinner and have spent my time surfing since then with my hot water bottle couldn't be bothered with tv.

I am enjoying my homemade stuff at the minute. Looking forward to pasta in the week with my pasta sauce!!

Up early to get Jelly ready for nursery. Have the dentist myself tomorrow whilst she is there. And then she has a haircut straight after nursery kicks out for the afternoon. Follow that up with her coming to my osteopath appt, as Him can't make it over to babysit for the next few weeks. I think knowing that I have no helper, I will not book another appt for a while. Running out of funds anyway and would like to keep something towards the end of the year if I need it.

Night diary & lovely peeps. xx

supersaver1000

Aww nighty Zlilty. Xx

liltdiddylilt

First of two posts tonight, as I need to get stuff out here without all the usual jibber jabber.

Mum...
She went back to see her consultant today, as it has been a few weeks since the 9 hour long surgery she had to remove the tumour, and both the leaking implants from the last time she had BC, 17 years ago, and try and fix the scarring from the last surgery under her left arm.

Can't really put it any other way. It is bad news. Not only do they have to go back in and operate on the right hand side as the 'margins' were not removed as far back as they would have liked at the time, and as it was a Grade 3 (aggressive) cancer they need to go back in and take it all away to try and stop the spread.

They also, when they sent off all of the tissue from this last op, got results back from the scar under mums arm. They (unbeknownst to mum) found a 17mm tumour in the scarring under her arm. It has been confirmed that this is also BC. And that it is a Stage 2, slow growing cancer. Yet again they need to go in and remove the margins from around this one. It did not show up on any scans or tests they did previously, so they were as shocked as mum. They said it was incredible luck to find it as they only did the sweep of that scar due to mum requesting it, and at any stage of the op could have decided they couldn't do much with it and left it alone. They also said, it may have been there since her last bout of BC. 17 years ago. It may have been growing in her all this time.

They took lymph nodes on either side, and the one good thing is that these showed completely clear of any trace of cancer so it definitely 100% has not spread, either side. Also, the surprise cancer will react to hormone treatment so can be kept away with that.

So, another op to be scheduled, more pain for mum, followed by eventual radiotherapy and possible chemotherapy.

Counting down the hours til I see her and can give her a gentle hug. As always, thinking of us first she is upset for upsetting people with her bad news, and has told the doctors she won't schedule more surgery until after our visit.

This makes me think of Lynda Bellingham, bless her. Wonderful woman, hard life, and now terminal. I hope she lasts through Christmas with a good quality of life and not too much pain, and then I hope that she slips away as peacefully as possible at the time she has chosen.

On another note, my dads mum, 'Mama' who died in 1999 is once again looking down on us. For the last week, I have been finding white feathers in my flat. We have no stuffed duvets or pillowcases, nothing that could create these feathers, but still they keep appearing, in my bedroom, in the bathroom, in Jellytot's room, the kitchen. Mum said all week there has been a little flock of white doves landing on the road in front of the house, for no reason. Then as she pulled into the hospital this morning, a white feather floated down onto her windscreen. If you do or don't believe in the afterlife, I don't really mind. Each to their own. For the most part, I do not believe there is anything after we have taken our last breath. But for a woman so calm, kind, gentle and generous as my Mama, to just disappear from the earth with her last breath would be impossible. Every time I see sunlight bouncing from a brilliant white cloud in the sky, I imagine her sat up there smiling down. I give her a little wave and blow a kiss and I do not care who sees me. She is looking out for my mum

Now onto the mundane below xx

belleandthebudget

Oh Lilt, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum - I hope the next surgery goes well. At least they checked that scar for her and found the new tumor, sometimes I think we must have some sort of intuition for things like that to happen. Big hugs to you and Mum.

apple_muncher

Dear lilt - sending you lots of hugs and cuddles for you and jelly xx

liltdiddylilt

BT - I got every penny of my £81.52 back. I will await my next bill and see what a hash they make of that one. In the meantime, 3 months since I last paid them anything, I am over £200 in credit on the bill... :rotfl: NOA I do not know anyone who hasn't some kind of horror story with them, but frankly I use it as an exercise to get what I want from them, and as much money as possible besides it was just a bit annoying to have no internet/tv/phone for 2/3 weeks.

Dentist - they called and cancelled first thing this morning as my dentist is unwell. rebooked for next week when Jelly is at nursery.

Osteo - lovely neighbour came and looked after Jelly for me whilst I was there, so that she did not run riot and disrupt my final session. I am discharged, as I am maintaining a much more stable core, and my balance is far better . He made my neck pop all over the place which feels blissful tonight and also some of my upper back was moved around. I feel so much straighter as the weeks have gone by! I even feel up to trying my physio again reminds me I need to take a pic of my receipt and upload it so it is paid back on Friday. Still need to get last weeks receipt and do the same.

Jelly was fine, and into bed so early again tonight. Nursery is taking it out of her, as are the colder days! I too am in bed and going to turn the light off very soon as I feel tired. Been a long week already and have 3 days of work now.

Not a NSD as I got Jelly's hair cut after nursery, (booked mine in, 1pm next Tues!) & as I knew that was coming stocked up on essentials. so I can have a few NSD's in a row now at work. Also rebought a pack of spiced gingerbread meant for Xmas as I ate it :o:o £1.99. Got Jelly 2 banana loaves (soreen) as she loves them so & they were 2 for £2, and popped one in the freezer. I get a buzz whenever I go in the freezer. Think takeaway plastic cartons, stacked high in 2 drawers, full of pasta sauces, butternut squash and sweet potato soup, scotch broth, minced beef and red lentils, etc. Fridge looking great too. Tonights dinner was a jacket spud with cheese, stir fried greens with sesame oil and soy sauce (so yum!) and slightly burned honey roast carrots, so more bonfire toffee carrots

Lunches for work are a giant vat of scotch broth, packed with veggies and grains, and some bananas/veggies. Might boil a couple of eggs in the morning.

Lots of love all. Thank you for popping in and your support. It is so appreciated and welcome. When I feel like I can't communicate in the real world very much (ignoring texts & calls) I still find the time to come and let it all out here. I may burst otherwise. xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Aw Hun, massive hugs for you, Jelly and your Mum. I do believe that those gone before can look out for you, and whether we are right or wrong about that, comfort can be taken from the idea and that's a good enough reason to believe it Xx

liltdiddylilt

Thanks for the love Belle & apple & Lucky!!!

Big hugs! x

supersaver1000

Sending hugs for you Lilty my little flower. Poor mummy. She's lucky to have such a lovely daughter. Sending hugs and much love. Ss1k x

BILLIE

Am thinking of you and your mum. I am with you on the White feathers and often wonder which one of those I love are looking down on me. Whenever I hear a piece of music that was played at my dad's funeral, to me that is because he is thinking of me and wanting me to know that. So those that we love very much are always in our heart and I am sure that they walk with us at all times. Take care of yourself and little Jelly xxxxx