Access for grandparents - conditions?

seven-day-weekend

I agree that if your m-i-l will not make the effort to come to you, even though that is what her grand-daughter prefers, then they are just playing games and don't want to see her that much.

I wouldn't bother giving them your new address (but make sure they have a phone number so that it can't be said that it is you that has refused contact).

Hope it works out OK.

mossstitchmama

I can sympathise with your situation, had something very similar with my mother.

She and my sister were completely obsssed with my daughter to the exclusion of my son. OH and I were not happy with my sister's behaviour towards both kids, she physically excluded my son by forcing him out the room and shutting the door on him so she could get my daughter on her own and say nasty things to her about me and OH.

Mum only had daughter overnight once. I fixed her car seat in mum's car and told her daughter was NOT allowed to go to anyone else's house or in anyone else's car. Mum allowed sister to take daughter without car seat to sisters house. Mum was never allowed overnight visits after that. Mum couldn't see why we had a problem.

To cut very long story short, we decided that sister wasn't allowed access to children. We had consulted a friend who works in child protection and followed their recommendations. Mum went ballistic and refused contact with our family for over two years before she died.

According to her executors, Mum has left letters similar in content to one you mention, blaming me and OH for preventing contact.

Is there any way you could find somewhere that your MIL and FIL could have supervised contact? (A contact centre or something similar?). You may have to ask health professionals or social services (CAFCASS?).

At least then your daughter will be in a safe neutral environment. You can stay but be out of the room and can be on hand if your child wants to end the visit.

If they won't agree to contact on reasonable terms then tell them no. From what you have said (and that is all we can go on), you have been more than accommodating. Don't let them push you into agreeing to something that you and your daughter aren't comfortable with.

Best of luck!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Ah i forgot about this thread! So much has happened since then!

Just before christmas i was sent abroad with work (Usually happens - ex knows this) DD's stay with my mother until i return.

Now, i got a text when i was abroad saying ex was bringing DD's christmas presents round that day. I explained I was out the country but that someone would be at my house later on in the evening should he which to drop them over. He never turned up.

When i got back and found out he never turned up, i sent another text asking when he planned on dropping things off and said that if he didnt want to drop them off with me then he could leave them at my mums (Which is the usual place he goes to anyway!). I never got a reply from him, but his mother sent me a message basically saying I had made it "difficult" for them to drop presents off!

I sent a message back saying that it wasnt the case and left it at that.

I (stupidly) messaged the ex and said i wasnt happy that he was informing people i was being "difficult" when this isnt the case and that in future he should probably post things to DD. He replied saying he would post her presents....

It's now end of january, she still hasnt recieved her things. DD obviously doesnt know he hasnt sent her anything, and neither will i tell her.

I didnt pursue the contact - I thought if they were that bothered they would have sorted things out rather than being akward. If they want to see her then it probably will have to be through CAFCASS but they can make the first move.

My new problem is that I will be moving house soon, although i told ex verbally i never thought to hand it in writing. I dont know where he lives, his parents moved and did give me their address but i went and flipping deleted the text so now im stuck as solicitor says i need to have it written! argh!

RAS

Does he have a solicitor?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

RAS wrote: »

Does he have a solicitor?

I dont believe so. He told me he had one (This was when we first broke up and he said that he was going for full custody)

My solicitor wrote to him and asked him for the details of his solicitor and he refused to supply them so my solicitor said it was probably just all talk and that he hadnt got any legal repesentative.

Ginger_Poodle

Nothing constructive to say, just wanted to tell you that I really admire your strength of character and parenting. Well done for protecting your daughter from the nastiness that is going on. It must be tough.

quidsy

Can you not put a notice in the local gazette stating that XYZ(you) is moving & if anyone wants to know where to contact your solicitor.

I find it highly unlikely that you can't move home without their permission esp as your ex seems to be of no fixed abode.

RAS

OK

Have you tried 192.com?

DigForVictory

Dear me. What a most uncomfortable situation for you & your family, who are doing sterling work making life as straightforward as possible for your daughter.

If the in-laws will not agree to a neutral location, with no reason given, that little nugget needs to be lodged with your solicitor.

That your daughter was unhappy at going to them, despite your confidence that she's a cheerful outgoing soul, and spoke to school about it - that also needs to be recorded with the solicitor.

That you are moving - move then drop a change of address card to your inlaws & ask them to pass it on. (Explain why to your solicitor.)

If they cannot be bothered, let them go. Better one grandmother who adores unconditionally than two one of whom will always come second & a grandfather who dislikes her. I'm not saying prune the family tree (leave that for daughter once Gillick competent) but better by far to maintain polite relations & a safe distance with the inlaws until daughter's opinion is old enough to be unquestioningly accepted by the court. (What her father etc make of that will then be *their* can of worms, not yours.)

All the best!

peachyprice

Can't you text him and ask for his/his parents address?

If he refuses to give you a physical address text him the new address as that is the only form of communication he will accept, thus taking the onus off of you to inform him in by letter.