Nearing crisis point

feclmum

I don't know if somebody has already suggested listening a childs meditation CD after his bedtime story, I swear by them and also put them back on if mine ever woke up in the night.
A really good site is https://www.relaxkids.com you can either buy the CD or they do downloads in the store too, have a read of the site there are some really good tips etc.
Good luck

dawyldthing

or put a little bed in your room of his own to get him accustomed to being in a bed on his own but still having the comfort of someone being in the room with him and then a few weeks down the line when he has settled try him again on a room on his own. He might just be scared of the dark/ loneliness/quiet and little steps could help in the long run

sacha28

He has a nightlight and his monitor has lullabies. I put them on thursday night but he said 'no music, off mummy'. The light has been a feature for about the last 8/9 months, he knows how to turn it on so if it's off at bedtime he toddles over and puts it on.

I was really hopeful that he would amuse himself with his (silent) toys that are in his room but he just isn't interested. He starts whimpering which goes into a fully blown banshee like scream within about 90 seconds.

I spend lots of time thinking back over the past 2 years, wondering if we've somehow made things like this. Whether we've fallen into the 'accidental parenting' that has made him feel insecure/scared/lonely. I'm sure most parents look back and think 'maybe I should've done this instead of that'.

I'm more open to sharing my bed now, my OH won't even entertain the idea. I can see his point, it's not safe, and he also watches tv until he falls asleep (has done since his teens) and this would probably be disruptive to our lo. I'm not keen on OH and I sleeping in separate rooms, our relationship has taken a battering lately and I'm not sure if this would be detrimental. We get very little time together as it is, with us working full time, and I don't know if that would push us further apart?

Mrs_Imp

Get your OH some headphones so he can watch the tv without disturbing anyone. We have the radio on at night, and it doesn't disturb our daughter.

Maybe try having a mattress on the floor in your room and let your son know that if he needs to he can just come through and sleep on it in the night?

I know you don't want to sleep apart from your OH, but you may find that with a bit of sleep your relationship starts to improve. Lack of sleep will be doing it no good at all right now.

GwylimT

The melatonin mention is odd, in the UK it is only licensed to be used in patients who are 55+ and then only for a few weeks.

How long have you left him screaming like a banshee before you go in?

lavandergirl_2

Why not co sleep with him? It appears he has become insecure and have poor sleep associations.

Foster positive sleep association with skin to skin contact. Your OH needs to do his part. If it is unsafe for him to be with your child, let him sleep in the floor or at the other room.

Make-it-3

I'm willing to bet that lack of sleep has played a key role in your relationship taking a "battering". Sleep deprivation puts everything out of whack.

I'm sure you can sort something out for a night or two with your OH sleeping somewhere else just to see if it makes a difference.

Loz01

Can't you and your little boy sleep in your bed and your OH sleep in the spare room/on the sofa - not ideal but neither is sleep deprivation and you are all clearly struggling!

ETA: as other posters have said, what about a roll out/travel kids bed in your bedroom that he could climb into and sleep in? when my nephew stays over he sleeps on a blow up single bed (he's 6) and he loves it! We thought he'd never sleep on it but he finds it more fun than a real bed and conked out all night!

GobbledyGook

Your OH watching tv until he falls asleep jumped out at me. It seems that he also has trouble going to sleep "normally".

Have you tried letting your lo watch tv until he sleeps? It's not a traditional solution by any means, but it could simply be that, like his Daddy, he struggles to go to sleep.

My DD had a tv in her room very young. She wakes at 5.15am no matter when she goes to sleep. She just doesn't need a lot of sleep - However I was up late with non sleeping siblings and was absolutely exhausted. She has a tv/DVD on a timer plug. In the beginning she was allowed to watch it from 5.15am until I got up. After tweaking it slightly over a long period she now watches from 6am until 6.30am. You could do it in reverse?

The key is to work out if your lo needs help learning how to get to sleep or if they just don't need as much sleep as we'd expect them too.

If you do co-sleep your lo shouldn't be in too much (if any) danger from your OH as the lo should be between the mother and the edge (wall or bed guard) and not in the middle.

If you don't want him in bed with you what about a bedside cot? It sounds like you are at the point I hit - it stopped being about long term for a while and became about getting everyone enough sleep to stay safe and sane.

notanewuser

GobbledyGook wrote: »

If you do co-sleep your lo shouldn't be in too much (if any) danger from your OH as the lo should be between the mother and the edge (wall or bed guard) and not in the middle.

DD always slept in the middle, even as a newborn. We have a super king bed so it never felt unsafe.

The OP's son isn't a baby so should be just fine in the middle or in daddy's place.

GobbledyGook wrote: »

If you don't want him in bed with you what about a bedside cot? It sounds like you are at the point I hit - it stopped being about long term for a while and became about getting everyone enough sleep to stay safe and sane.

I'm not sure why there is an obsession in the western world about children sleeping in their own rooms so young. There are more advantages to cosleeping than disadvantages as far as I'm aware.