Nearing crisis point

notanewuser

sacha28 wrote: »

mg I would never discount a man's advice, any advice/ideas are helpful.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I will shed more light now I'm up after my night shift!

My LB has a very balanced diet. He loves fresh fruit and veg and I cook pretty much all of our meals from scratch. That's not to say I'm a domestic goddess but my nesting went into over-drive whilst pregnant and I bought many cook books and taught myself how to cook (I couldn't cook beans on toast before I was pregnant!).

My ds and I spend lots of time outdoors. We are very lucky to live in a town that has beach on one side and countryside the other. He loves woodland walks, hunting for seashells on the beach, running around the park. He is very active and I try to encourage that. I have never been a 'home body' and feel cooped up if I don't get out at some point during the day, my ds seems to have picked up on that.

As for his sleep patterns......there doesn't seem to be any pattern to it. Last week he slept really well. Napped during the day, went to bed when he asked and didn't wake until 6am (I honestly don't mind getting up at 6am when I actually get some sleep!). This has been happening ever since he was born. He would do 1-2 weeks of good sleep and then it would just go hideously wrong for no reason.

I understand some people think I may be expecting too much of him but it is having an adverse effect on him. His mood has been dreadful all week and his key worker at nursery said she could tell yesterday that he hasn't slept well as his behaviour has nose-dived from how he was last week. I spent all day crying yesterday, he has spent 3 days crying and I know he doesn't like being like that, he is such a happy boy when well rested.

One thing nursery said last week is that my LB is very intelligent. He can count to 5, recognises his name when written on paper and you can have a good level of conversation with him. I thought most kiddies his age were able to talk that well but apparently not!!! Do you think his mind is just in over-drive?

I got the impression from your other posts that this was constant. Sleep regression is really common when children are going through development leaps. A quick google might help you.

mucklebones

My daughter has always been a terrible sleeper, in fact she is now 6 and has not yet slept longer than 3 hours consecutively. She however has a Sensory Processing Disorder. Until we found this out I felt very much like you constantly at breaking point. Some of the things that have helped us are white noise (best help by far) weighted blanket, sensory lights and plenty of heavy activities throughout the day. She also now has melatonin but this only helps her get off to sleep not stay asleep.

Some of the things that helped us I think could help a lot of children not just those with diagnosed difficulties. I would love to say it will pass but sometimes these things do not pass and we have to make the best of it.

I am not saying there are underlying issues here he could just be a really bad sleeper, however there could be so if I were you keep battling on but try as much as you can to maximize your rest when you can. If this means sleeping when he does just do it. I know this can feel like you do not get much wind down time but it will help. I remember the tension with my partner when things were really bad. Just remind each other that you love each other and you will get through it.

Btw some of those sedatives like Phenergan can have the opposite desired effect. I would suggest a GP visit and ask to see a pediatrician, however this might be a battle since he is only 2. In my experience they only looked into my daughters sleep difficulties seriously from around 3.5 years.

Goodluck. x

mucklebones

I just got the same impression as above that this was constantly bad, in which case I agree with above and is most likely a sleep regression.

Hang in there if he has slept well before he is likely to again after this phase. x

Edit to add he could also be ailing, usually makes sleeping worse.

sacha28

This is pretty much constant. Well constantly inconsistent. Last week was the first time in 6 months that he has slept. 6 night's sleep in 6 months isn't great. Before that it had been about 9 months since his last full night's sleep.

Maybe I am expecting too much, maybe I'm just destined to feel ill until he leaves home I guess if he just amused himself without screaming like a banshee......does anyone know where the volume control is on kids??!!

hngrymummy

z.n wrote: »

The answer was really very simple- he wanted and needed to be with us.

That's what we found with our son. We tried lots of different approaches, but after a year of getting maybe 4 hours broken sleep a night I'd finally had enough and brought him in to our bed. He was back to sleep before his head hit the pillow. So we moved him in to a bed as soon as he could walk. That way, when he woke he just wandered through and we lifted him in. Some nights we woke in the morning and couldn't remember lifting him in, but there he was in the middle of the bed. We still didn't sleep brilliantly (he's a kicker) but 7 hours disturbed sleep is better than 4 hours broken sleep. Now we have a 10 month old, and as soon as she started refusing to settle she came in with us. It can get a bit cosy in our bed! We still haven't had a good night's sleep since DS was born, but we sleep better now they're in with us.

I hope you can get some sleep soon OP. And try not to punch the people who proudly say that their darling child slept through the night from 6 weeks old.

notanewuser

DD comes in with us whenever she wants to. We coslept for her first 9 months anyway, and now any illness, development spurts etc see her back in with us. She's calmed by our breathing and nearness. It does mean that she takes 4 ft of bed and we get about 6 inches if we're lucky, but it's "normal" elsewhere in the world, and I believe our psyche is to stay close when they're little. I don't like the clinical detachment that's recommended by so called professionals and baby training experts. It goes completely against our human-ness!

mucklebones

notanewuser wrote: »

It does mean that she takes 4 ft of bed and we get about 6 inches if we're lucky

Quoted for truth :rotfl:

I still co-sleep with my daughter, its the only way either of us get rest. I know it wont be forever so that`s what I will do till she is ready to sleep alone. It makes the whole sleep and bedtime issue much calmer.

FBaby

You mentioned that sharing bed was not an option, which is absolutely fine as everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but can I ask why?

Only because that was my principle too, but when I got to the point of crying out loud in sheer frustration and then shouting at my DD in a way that would horify me if I'd head another parent do, I knew it was time to consider damage limitation rather than principles. At least my DD stopped being distressed and I managed to get a bit more sleep, which meant being less at risk of accidents.

When_the_going_gets_tough

I had visions of covering an entire room with mattresses and duvets so everyone could get some sleep when ours were little! They do grow out of it and the two that didn't sleep so well used to end up together for company sometimes. Interestingly 20 years on the two that didn't sleep still find it hard at times and the other one can sleep anywhere at any time! OP just grab your sleep where you can and do what it takes - and they will stop coming into your bed before they leave home I promise! Good luck.

meer53

My daughter didn't sleep for more than 4 hours a night until she was 2. I used to read to her until she nodded off, then creep out of the bedroom. More times than not she used to sit bolt upright just as i got to the door "where are you going Mummy ?"

I've even crept out of her room on my knees to avoid her seeing me. Eventually, after sitting on the stairs crying because i was so tired, i decided to let her into our bed when she woke. It was the only way any of us were going to get a decent nights sleep. She did this until she was about 4, then i started to move her to her own bed once she'd gone to sleep. It didn't work straight away, but after a few months, she got the hint.

She's 13 now and i have the opposite problem. She hates getting up.

OP, it's not for ever, do whatever you think is right for you, but letting your little one into your bed so that you get some sleep isn't a crime !