Nearing crisis point

sacha28

As most of you may know, I have a 21 month old ds. He is amazing in nearly every way but I have a major problem and I feel I am close to losing the plot

My boy has never been a great sleeper but he is just getting worse. I feel dreadful, I have a headache, my body hurts, my eyes feel like they're bleeding and I'm starting to feel ill with it. Both myself and my dp work full time and it's getting too much.

I have had GP's, health visitors, sleep practitioners and his nursery involved but everything we try works for a couple of days then it blows up in our face and we're back to square one.

Last week he slept well and we dared to think we turned a corner. Had a meeting with nursery on Friday, told them things were going well (but also that this has happened before and for no apparent reason he went back to old habits) and then this happened that night.......he woke at 11pm. Que flipping between crying, screaming, talking to himself, singing to himself. Nothing I did settled him and, in the end, at 2.30am (:eek:) I ended up going downstairs to sleep on the sofa with all the doors shut so I couldn't hear him. I have no idea what time he eventually resettled. I had to start work at 8am and was shattered.

Saturday night he woke at 2.45am. For over an hour he would seemingly re-settle than, just as I was falling back to sleep, he would start screaming again. At 4.15am I got angry. I'm not proud but I stood in his doorway and shouted at him to go to sleep I dared not enter his room as I was so angry. Again I started work at 8am and was shattered.

Last night, he woke at 3.30am. Same as the previous nights, eventually re-settled at 5am after a telling off from daddy I never got to go back to sleep as my oh's alarm went off for him to go to work. I'm working a night shift tonight, I have no idea how I'm going to get through it

If my boy feels just one tenth of how dreadful I feel then he will be feeling awful. He refused a nap yesterday, I thought that might make him crash and burn but apparently not.

I feel like I'm on the edge. I feel close to losing my temper, my oh and I are arguing and I feel ill.

It just feels like nobody has any answers and keeps telling us that he will grow out of it. I'm not sure I'm going to make it that far. I thought he would be better bearing in mind he's nearly 2.

I'm almost beaten by this and don't know where to turn

hazyjo

Would the doctor recommend a sleep clinic or something? Would they be able to assess him? Can he say why he can't won't sleep? Is it dreams that wake him? Can you play music or something? Does he hate his room? His cot/bed? Is there something safe he can play with or do on his own? Not sure what's 'advised' these days with regard to toys on beds/cots.

Jx

GobbledyGook

How is your LO? Is he shattered or does he just not need a lot of sleep?

My younger daughter sleeps for 5 hours a night at most. She always has and I used to be exhausted trying all sort of sleep training ideas, but they never worked because for whatever reason she just doesn't need it.

In the end what I did is that when I went to bed I'd put a few quiet toys or books in her room for her to play with when she woke in the night. I also made a reward chart for if she got through the night without disturbing the rest of us (I had a stair gate and a bell thing on the living room door just in case she sneaked out of her room).

She now sleeps better through the night (starting nursery then school) helped a bit, but she still wakes at 5.15am on the dot. She has a tv/dvd in her room now. It has a timer plug on and she can only watch it between 6am and 6.30am.

In the end had to stop trying to get her to sleep and find ways to stop her disturbing the rest of us because I was terrified I was going to fall asleep driving or at work or make a mistake with other daughter's epilepsy meds or something.

lisaf

Hi Sacha, we experienced almost the exact same thing with our son when he was about 18 months.
He had never been a great sleeper anyway (none of mine have been) but he was particularly bad:(
We did get to the bottom of it eventually as my OH noticed that he seemed to be in pain when he woke screaming or crying and he became very pale (we assumed as he was very tired and we were certainly pale through lack of sleep)!
Our GP was very concerned when he saw him as he was deathly pale with heart racing etc.
Fast forward a few weeks and he was admitted to hospital where they found he had a 'post viral gut infection' which I've since found out is fairly common and when we were giving him milk during the night it was like adding petrol to the fire in his gut.
Consequently we had to cut out milk,soya and eggs until he was 3 and he has been literally a different boy since (he's 4 now).
I'm not saying for a second that it's the same for your little man at all but it could be a medical problem as opposed to something else?
But at the time it was just horrendous for us all (i have 2 older girls) but also my next door neighbour (who knew he was poorly) made very vocal complaints about his crying (like we were deliberately letting it happen)!
Anyway it all seems a distant bad dream now (pardon the pun;) and I really hope you can get something sorted for you all.
Sorry just to add that my ds also very rarely napped in the day either so there was very little (if any) respite from the crying.
Lisa x

good_advice

Hello Sacha, you need to break the habit. Sounds like he has got use to you going and picking him up.
My advice. Just look to see he is ok and then wait half an hour. Watch the clock if you have too! Do not talk and do not offer cuddles, drinks or anything.
After a few night he will start to get the idea and not bother shouting out.
Good luck.

GwylimT

It could be night terrors.

Really he is old enough to self soothe, have you tried getting some ear plugs, when he cries etc wait a few minutes and then just check to see if he is okay, such as popping your head around the door but leave the light off so he cannot see you. If he screams and someone comes to him, even if to shout, then his efforts have been rewarded with attention.

What is his bedroom routine like?

tulip28

Hi Sascha

Even reading your post I can feel the tiredness! I really feel for you. It will get better! Trust me.

What is his bedtime routine? I found a warm bath and some proper snuggle/calm time really helped with me. Lights low, whispering, calm sleepy books - even music.

I cut out any foods and drinks after 6pm and started winding down time from then - with DS getting to bed for 7pm - sleep by 7:30 even sometimes 8.

Now he is quite happy to be in bed watching a dvd as long as he is quiet and doesn't misbehave.

Does he have any toys to lull him to sleep - something to hug or a blanket to keep him company.

I don't and tried not to do the self soothing as it made me feel terrible - sometimes it does work - depends on the stubbornness of your child! LOL

neon_dannii

Have you every watched those programs they have on channel 4 about parenting?

The most common approach I've seen is the ignore tactic. When he starts screaming and running around, you just pick him up without saying a word and put him back in his bed. You keep doing this night after night until he understands that him screaming will not make you give him any attention.

Tigsteroonie

Could it be wind?

It's maybe just our 4yo son & his strange diet, but he seems to suffer quite badly from trapped wind during the night. It's taken us over a year to work out that this is why he is waking, and not nightmares / the cold / sheer awkward mindedness. Now instead of taking an hour to resettle, we can resettle him in a few minutes with some baby-style massage to move the wind. It's made our night-times far calmer

Prothet_of_Doom

We went for the "five minute screaming fit method"

1st time. Get up, make sure he's fine, put him back to bed.
He'll scream the house down. Let him for 5 mins.
2nd Time. Get up, dry the tears, tell him that it's bed time, put him to bed.
He'll scream the house down. Let him for 5 mins.

After 2 hours of this he'd eventually sleep the rest of the night.
This went on for 2 weeks.
Eventually he would go back after 1st intervention. But we had to put a stair gate at his door. It stopped age 2.
He's 21 soon, and I like to wake him up early, to get him back.

barbiedoll

My son was also a terrible sleeper, the first time he slept through was when he was two and sleeping in his first proper bed. When I woke up in the morning after my first full night's sleep in over two years, I thought he must have been kidnapped in the night, I was terrified that I'd go into his room and find him gone!

The screaming sounds exactly like night terrors, they do grow out of it eventually. I don't have any wonder cures, but you do sound as though you are really suffering, which is hardly surprising if you are working full-time and on shifts too. Could your GP not sign you off for a couple of weeks (with "stress"?) so that you can have a proper go at sorting out a sleep routine with your little one? You're going to crack otherwise and you need to think of your own health as well as that of your son.

Hope things improve soon, you're not alone. (Although it can certainly feel like it at 3am )