Nearing crisis point

GobbledyGook

notanewuser wrote: »

DD always slept in the middle, even as a newborn. We have a super king bed so it never felt unsafe.

The OP's son isn't a baby so should be just fine in the middle or in daddy's place.

Your lo was fine, but the OP's OH is worried about his fits injuring their son so I was simply mentioning that if she followed the guidance on co-sleeping then she would be between her son and OH - therefore negating the risk of injury to the LO from his Dad's fits.

notanewuser wrote: »

I'm not sure why there is an obsession in the western world about children sleeping in their own rooms so young. There are more advantages to cosleeping than disadvantages as far as I'm aware.

I don't understand it either. I/we co-slept with all 3 of my children.

However for some people it's not a comfortable (or safe) option and I mentioned a bedside cot as a way of bringing the LO closer without actually bringing into the bed.

Toto

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Your lo was fine, but the OP's OH is worried about his fits injuring their son so I was simply mentioning that if she followed the guidance on co-sleeping then she would be between her son and OH - therefore negating the risk of injury to the LO from his Dad's fits.



I don't understand it either. I/we co-slept with all 3 of my children.

However for some people it's not a comfortable (or safe) option and I mentioned a bedside cot as a way of bringing the LO closer without actually bringing into the bed.

We figured out in the end that our little one just wanted to be close to us. She's never been that bothered about coming into our bed but her toddler bed is right next to me so she can reach out if she wants to have physical contact. Occasionally she'll call mummy, but that's just to check I've come to bed. We've barely had a broken night since she moved back in.


I think some kids just need to feel close at night and this has nothing at all to do with parenting or anything that the child has experienced. Some kids just like to know where their people are all of the time.


OP I would definitely give it a go bringing him into your room. He will move out one day, I can't promise when but he won't be there when he's a teenager I'm sure I think you all need to just get some rest, I wouldn't medicate, it will only help with getting him to sleep, not keeping him asleep which is a problem. I wouldn't boot hubby out unless absolutely necessary, try to re-jig the room to fit LO in so you all sleep in the same room rather than make adjustments you wouldn't want to stick to for the foreseeable.


I hope this passes soon for you, lack of sleep is brutal and affects every part of your life, physically and mentally. I totally feel for you all. This won't go on forever, one way or another you will get through it. I think you're doing a fabulous job under really tricky circumstances so be kind to yourself!

lavandergirl_2

OP, do you still work night shifts? If so, what is your boy like when you are away during the nights?

FBaby

I feel that you are prepared to do anything to just get some sleep and relieved the symptoms of sleep deprivation whilst your husband is more set on his principles. This leads me to believe that he isn't as deprived as you are. Is it because getting up and appeasing your child falls more under your responsibilities? If that is the case, i would tell that either the child comes in with you, or HE gets up at night and sort things out...and then see how long it takes him to agree to your boy coming in with you.

I agree, best solution is a bed ramp on your side and baby sleeping between rail and you. The priority is to take the anxiety away from sleep for both him and you. At the moment, sleep is associated with unpleasantness and as such, he is bound to try to do everything not to sleep. Regardless of the reason, what would appease him best is a relaxed cuddly mummy. You might not get totally relaxed, but if you can ease a bit of the tense feelings and actually enjoy the cuddle, he is bound to feel it and relax himself.

If you can get him to sleep better in your bed so that for a start, he is more collaborative during the day, you will then be able to introduce the 'big boy' sleeping in his bed. My son went through a stage around the same age when he wouldn't fall asleep alone. I got him a tent like cover to go over his bed (gave him the sense of protection), which meant that I couldn't lay with him, but I would lay next to his bed. I promised him that I would not leave his room until he was asleep. At first he doubted me, so took longer, but gradually, he trusted me and fell asleep quicker. I then started to sit by the door rather than by his bedside. I took a book and read so avoided all eye contact and discussion.

sacha28

Ok so last night we did things differently. We had to, our lo has had a chest infection which had cleared up but last night developed a night cough (I say this because he didn't cough all day yesterday and hasn't coughed since he got up) which got quite bad every time he lay down. Sitting up, he was much better.

At about 11pm he started getting upset so me and OH made a bed on the lounge floor that had a good raise at the head end so he was almost sat up. I had tried raising the head end of his mattress but, for some reason, he just shuffled to the foot end. My OH slept on the sofa, me and lo on the bed on the floor. Yes, my OH insisted on having the tv on, which my lo intermittently sat up to see what was going on, but it wasn't as bad as I thought (once the volume was off).

It was a bit of an eye opener! My LO talks in his sleep and is constantly moving one limb or another. He went to sleep at about 12.30 in the end and woke at 6.30am.

I guess I have been stuck in my own ideals of how I should do things. My OH was resistant to the idea of lo coming downstairs last night but my words were 'sometimes you have to do things for you children that you don't necessarily want to do. Tonight is one of those times.'

notanewuser

I used to need the tv on to go to sleep. It is possible to unlearn that because now I can't!!

Can you make a nest of pillows in your bed to prop your son up to sleep? We do that for our daughter when she's poorly. If your husband can sleep on the sofa while you two have the bed that might be a good interim solution.

FBaby

Good on you for taking that step. In the end, your priority at the moment is to get some sleep NO MATTER WHAT. Once you feel a bit better yourself as much as your son, it will become much easier to tackle good habits.

jenhug

sacha28 wrote: »

FWIW, I would also like to say that I would NEVER give my son medication bought on the internet. Firstly, you never know if that's what you're getting and, secondly, if only a paediatrician is licensed to prescribe this then it needs to be given under controlled circumstances.

I think that is a terrible piece of advice, sorry.

I work in healthcare so am fully aware of the dangers of following advice like this. Other, desperate, people who aren't fully aware may think this is the answer to their prayers and do it, putting their lo's life in danger.

Don't want to sound ungrateful for all of your advice but this I won't be doing!

I do feel I need to defend myself a little here.

Melatonin is not a drug. I only recommend buying online as this was what my friend was recommended by her sons pead before Melatonin was available here. I have no idea why it isn't fully licensed here yet, I believe it is in certain formats (tablet I believe rather than liquid form, for instance). In liquid form its nearly £200 a bottle, so it isn't given easily here in the UK.

My Daughter has been taking this every night for 6 years, due to her adhd and autism. Its only side effect is drowsiness.

Fair enough though if you don't feel its a route you want to go down, I just made the suggestion as you all sound near breaking point.

jenhug

the other odd thing about Melatonin, is in the states, its on any pharmacy shelf, you don't need a prescription for it at all. I have no idea why its so tightly regulated over here.

FBaby

jenhug wrote: »

the other odd thing about Melatonin, is in the states, its on any pharmacy shelf, you don't need a prescription for it at all. I have no idea why its so tightly regulated over here.

Or why it isn't in the US.