A Singularly Lonely Christmas

LavenderBees

MummyBobble wrote: »

I had to drop my car off at the garage at lunchtime for a part to be fitted (or something, I don't do technical I'm afraid). Anyhow, it started raining as I was walking home so I took my glasses off and put them in my bag (they don't have windscreen wipers and the rain drops were annoying). Almost home and a lady walking towards me was smiling so (assuming I knew her) I said "Hello, how's it going?". Turned out we didn't know each other, she's just moved into the area and was looking to see if there was a local shop. I turned round and walked with her to the shop while we talked about nothing in particular. Whilst it was only ten minutes of my time it did actually lift my spirits

I then walked home making a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone I passed whether I knew them or not. Some smiled back, but from some of the looks I got there may be some doctors turning up shortly wearing clean white coats to take me away to somewhere I will not be a danger to myself or anyone else... :rotfl:

It's the strangest thing, isn't it, that some people want to avoid even a fleeting hello with a stranger. I have to confess that I am possibly known as "that nutter on the bus", except I don't get buses (not so sure about the nutter bit :rotfl:). I talk to people everywhere I go. Often it's been the only time in a weekend that I've heard my voice

Here in my village, I know very few people with going to work or not having children/being part of the church community (although that is slowly improving now I have my lottie), and if I pass anyone, I always smile/say hello. Everyone responds pleasantly, no doubt before going inside, locking the door securely, and whispering "who's she?" :rotfl:. Sometimes I forget though and do the same in the big city aka Newcastle...not a glimmer of a response there. Bloomin sad really...

Maybe we should have an MSE day of smiling at everyone (even work colleagues :rotfl:). Imagine how unnerved everyone could be! We could maybe make the national news...

But well done you for trying. Now, if you're really on the ball, you'll have arranged to meet this new lady in your neighbourhood for lunch.....

LavenderBees

Byatt wrote: »

.... but I do miss having a body in the house, ...:o

Why? Did you get NTBT to get rid of him properly, finally? :eek:

Sorry....couldn't resist. Working from home and VERY VERY BORED :rotfl:

spirit

calicocat wrote: »

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What I get heartily sick of at times is just dealing with everything myself, particularly if it's something I know nothing about. Roof leaking, boiler being weird, extractor fan wanting to blow up....etc. I know nothing of these things and get stressed and weary of working out what I have to do instead of being able to just pass the problem to someone else occasionally...and car stuff.

A lot of my few single friends say this, that they get sick of having no-one to help or help make decisions. Sometimes you just want to say......'Yeh, really, ok so someone else see to that one because I just don't care to think about it'



.

This I completely agree with. At first (being single) it was a bit of a novelty being able to make decisions on things like paint colours etc. I don't miss the conversations that start, 'what do you want for dinner?" 'don't mind, anything you like', Grrr

The last house i bought needed a lot doing to it. I quite liked choosing a new kitchen and bathroom and other stuff, but it would have been nice to have someone to run my ideas past.

I also worry about things going wrong. In the summer I had my boiler serviced by someone at work's son. He had recently left BG and had set up on his own. All well and good, boiler was duly serviced. Blow me if the damn thing wouldn't work a few weeks ago. I rang this guy who came out and tried to say that the boiler was 18 years old and I'd need a new one. Well I looked out the paperwork from 2 years ago when I bought the house and it was new in 2005!

so anyway, he bodged it so it would work. Meanwhile I rang another firm who happed to advertise on Checkatrade. They said the boiler was fine, serviced it properly and said it didn't need replacing. Touch wood, it's been fine since. I just wonder if some trades think that single females are fair game?

I've got a couple of fence panels need replacing. I've ordered them and are being delivered on 19th, so that's my next worry, how to get them fitted. they are the sort with concrete posts and you 'just' slot them in. Needs 2 people with either very long legs :rotfl:or 2 stepladders.

Ho hum

Byatt

LavenderBees wrote: »

Why? Did you get NTBT to get rid of him properly, finally? :eek:

Sorry....couldn't resist. Working from home and VERY VERY BORED :rotfl:

Damn, I let slip...hurriedly rushes around house clearing up evid...uhhhmm, the mess. :eek::D

LavenderBees

spirit wrote: »

This I completely agree with. At first (being single) it was a bit of a novelty being able to make decisions on things like paint colours etc. I don't miss the conversations that start, 'what do you want for dinner?" 'don't mind, anything you like', Grrr

The last house i bought needed a lot doing to it. I quite liked choosing a new kitchen and bathroom and other stuff, but it would have been nice to have someone to run my ideas past.

I also worry about things going wrong. In the summer I had my boiler serviced by someone at work's son. He had recently left BG and had set up on his own. All well and good, boiler was duly serviced. Blow me if the damn thing wouldn't work a few weeks ago. I rang this guy who came out and tried to say that the boiler was 18 years old and I'd need a new one. Well I looked out the paperwork from 2 years ago when I bought the house and it was new in 2005!

so anyway, he bodged it so it would work. Meanwhile I rang another firm who happed to advertise on Checkatrade. They said the boiler was fine, serviced it properly and said it didn't need replacing. Touch wood, it's been fine since. I just wonder if some trades think that single females are fair game?

I've got a couple of fence panels need replacing. I've ordered them and are being delivered on 19th, so that's my next worry, how to get them fitted. they are the sort with concrete posts and you 'just' slot them in. Needs 2 people with either very long legs :rotfl:or 2 stepladders.

Ho hum

I agree too...when things are going ok, it's ok. But practical problems are hard to resolve when there's no one to bounce ideas off...or, dare I say it....a practical person in the house who can actually do the work with a good grace

I feel very blessed to have stumbled across the builder who has, today, turned up 4 days earlier than planned, demolished my poor rotten old porch, and is replacing it with a lovely new one. Such a pleasant man to work with, full of ideas/solutions to problems, nothing's a bother, cleaned up after him...must have been a woman in a previous life :rotfl:

I also have managed to find a local handyman (outdoor work only), who is very reliable so I'd be ok with your fence replacement.

But it is hard, and every time a practical problem hits me, I feel such anxiety. It doesn't matter that I always manage to resolve it somehow. I feel I'm only as good as the last problem solved, the next one is going to scupper me.

If I win the lottery, I will employ an expert in everything handy person, who waits around for my problems to arise, and then steps in and solves them... utter bliss!

ETA - my tale of woe from last year was an electrician who responded to an emergency call as I lost all my electricity. He restored electricity upstairs fairly quickly but after 3 days, still hadn't found the fault affecting all of downstairs including the kitchen. Complete nightmare for me! He insisted we needed to get a joiner in to start taking up the floors upstairs. I was horrified and asked if there was another way of tackling this? Was worried sick about the cost, and also too knackered from last year's grot stuff to even think of this kind of upheavel. Answer was no, we need to take the floors up. My response? Burst into tears :eek:. Once I started, there was no stopping them. His turn to be horrified. Result? Electricity restored without tracking the original fault and no need to pull up floors. Now call me cynical....

calicocat

The girl I was working with the other night and I were discussing this problem, and if you don't have a word of mouth recommendation for someone to do work.

She has a book in the car, and if she sees a work van that looks in good condition then she writes the number and name of them down, figuring that if they were rubbish then they would have a crap van due to not getting much work.....

Not 100% sure what I think of this plan, as I prefer to run with someone who I know has done a good job for someone else, but that isn't always possible.

I think the having a book for it isn't a bad idea though so you can put down if they were any good or not, so I think i'm going to do this.

Glad the porch is under way and going well LB.

The other month I rang a drain company out of the phone book and they wanted my card details over the phone...???...before having been out to have a look that is. I don't think so chicken was my response, and cancelled the appointment once I found a better company.

It is a bit of a mine field out there, and I do think some people think they can just run a muck over women.

A male friend of mine always says to take a bloke with you when going to a garage to get the car looked at....but aside from just grabbing one off the street that isn't always possible......although I guess that would be another way to meet new people...lol....kidnap.

RosiePuddingPaws

It is interesting (and reassuring, in a way) to hear other single women have experienced a variation of the "your boiler has to be condemned, is too old to repair, let me just bodge the service (for cash) this year to keep you going" scenario. I was worried it was just me!

In my case, it was (is!) an oil boiler. Local firm, with all the relevant qualifications/industry affiliations (and shiny, newish van so that sadly is not necessarily a good indicator for good service). Came, condemned, did cash service and were firm that I would need a new boiler in the spring. Two weeks' later, said boiler's pipework started leaking oil ...

After asking around, I was given the name of another firm. They were wonderful. Came out the next day to take a look (and turned everything off to avoid fire risk), came back the day after (a Saturday) to fix it as it was November and they were worried about me having no heating. They were of the opinion the first chap caused the leak and said my boiler didn't need to be condemned at all.

My local garage is fine and I would happily recommend them to anyone, but I now have to find someone to sort out the guttering and mend some fencing. It is a minefield out there.

I hate the lack of a social life (rural, little spare cash and I don't drink and don't particularly want to spend time watching other people get drunk) but find, like many, the building maintenance and car issues are my biggest worry. I am proud of having re-done the silicone in the shower over Christmas though!

Not sure what the answer is but will keep reading this thread (or any replacement) as it is good to hear ideas for improving life for those of us on our own - for whatever reason.

RPP

moneyistooshorttomention

Another vote here for the getting fed-up with having to make every decision/deal with every crisis on my own:(.

New house recently equalled me who had to deal with all the lights blowing on me, then me who had to deal with the roof springing a leak and so on...:(

Yep...I do also wonder whether some tradesmen decide to "run a bit riot" when they spot its a woman on her own they are dealing with. I've often thought there might be money to be made by any enterprising men who hired themselves out by the hour on a "Pretend to be Hubby" basis, so that they could deal with workmen for me. Yes...I know its a copout and I sit down and work out a variety of strategies to get them to take me seriously despite being a lone woman.:cool: (usually revolving around "Have Internet...can find out...ie how you are supposed to be doing something").

I thoroughly appreciate it when I do find the odd workman who takes pity on this lone woman clinging onto some part of her house for support and trying not to burst in tears about the latest unexpected disaster the house has landed her with (and what it will cost to put right....). Some women might find it a little bit patronising when its obvious that the workman standing there looking at you sympathetically is feeling that way because he's sorry for this little woman battling through on her own. Me I just downright appreciate it the odd time that happens.

On a different tack, I make sure I'm well stocked-up with food, etc, and I have the bills on direct debit. Thus...if I come down ill I know I should be able to eat okay and the bills will definitely continue to be paid on time okay (no worries about the electric getting cut-off because I couldn't make it out to pay it). However, there is always the little nagging thought of "What would I do if I were ill for long enough that stocks started running out?" and the general "Who is there to mop my fevered brow and sympathise with me for feeling ill?" that is worrying for someone on their own. If there was a hubbie lurking in the background then he would HAVE to get on out there and do the shopping and make an effort with the housework, no matter how reluctant he was normally to pull his weight. Otherwise he wouldn't eat either...

LavenderBees

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Another vote here for the getting fed-up with having to make every decision/deal with every crisis on my own:(.

New house recently equalled me who had to deal with all the lights blowing on me, then me who had to deal with the roof springing a leak and so on...:(

Yep...I do also wonder whether some tradesmen decide to "run a bit riot" when they spot its a woman on her own they are dealing with. I've often thought there might be money to be made by any enterprising men who hired themselves out by the hour on a "Pretend to be Hubby" basis, so that they could deal with workmen for me. Yes...I know its a copout and I sit down and work out a variety of strategies to get them to take me seriously despite being a lone woman.:cool:

I thoroughly appreciate it when I do find the odd workman who takes pity on this lone woman clinging onto some part of her house for support and trying not to burst in tears about the latest unexpected disaster the house has landed her with (and what it will cost to put right....). Some women might find it a little bit patronising when its obvious that the workman standing there looking at you sympathetically is feeling that way because he's sorry for this little woman battling through on her own. Me I just downright appreciate it the odd time that happens.

On a different tack, I make sure I'm well stocked-up with food, etc, and I have the bills on direct debit. Thus...if I come down ill I know I should be able to eat okay and the bills will definitely continue to be paid on time okay (no worries about the electric getting cut-off because I couldn't make it out to pay it). However, there is always the little nagging thought of "What would I do if I were ill for long enough that stocks started running out?" and the general "Who is there to mop my fevered brow and sympathise with me for feeling ill?" that is worrying for someone on their own. If there was a hubbie lurking in the background then he would HAVE to get on out there and do the shopping and make an effort with the housework, no matter how reluctant he was normally to pull his weight. Otherwise he wouldn't eat either...

Yep, I was horrified when I cried, but I think it made him realise I'm a human being, and brought out the chivalrous side of him. Can't really cry to order though...shame, I could have done with trying a cry in a recent meeting at work that wasn't going my way :rotfl:

On the stores side of things, I get anxious if they run down too much, so mostly have a good supply in. Like you, I worry about needing help if ill. I think this is one of the good reasons to work at making local friends and acquaintances, if possible.

I love the idea of a rent out hubby, btw. Use them for what's needed, then give 'em back ...perfect! :T

LavenderBees

RosiePuddingPaws wrote: »

I am proud of having re-done the silicone in the shower over Christmas though!

RPP

Yay! Rosie rocks... :T