A Singularly Lonely Christmas

LavenderBees

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

One of my takes on picking a workman for the long term is if they also have their eye on the long-term. If there is some evidence showing that they are hoping for future work from you, then that makes them more likely to do things properly on the current job (ie because they have an eye out hoping for some more work from you in the future). If you know they are thinking about the job you have said you think you will be doing in a year or two time on the one hand and the job you will do whenever you can (if you don't know when you will be able to afford it yourself) then chances are they will try and do the Present Job properly and hope to go onto your mental list of "workmen I will likely use again".

One of my other ways of looking at it is that I DO want them to check back with me that we both are expecting the job to be done the same way. Beyond that...I don't mind if they come up with suggestions as to how to/what to use/etc and I make it plain they are welcome to make suggestions and I may or may not take them up on their suggestions as to just how to do things. On the job I am currently having done, for instance, he made a few suggestions as to how he thought it could be done better and I accepted most of them. Me...I like a dialogue going on as to "how to" and I've worked out that the Terms of Engagement from my pov are I will turn a blind ear to an absolute stream of 4 letter words coming from elsewhere in my house and strong hints its time for a drink to be made on the one hand provided they discuss clearly with me how they propose to do things and do make any suggestions as to how they think things could be improved on.

Yes, both those points are very important. Thanks for highlighting them. Both "my" builder and "my" handyman, do that as a matter of course (and neither swear or drink tea....although I do :rotfl:). The electrician swore profusely, muttered to himself, said things like "ever wished you'd not answered the phone" etc etc...need I say more. Guess who I'll be doing my best to avoid employing in future.

The builder has been on the phone tonight to explain what he's done porch-wise, where he expects a potential problem and what solutions there may be (limited because of the very limited space involved).

I'm happy :T

BookWorm

Hi All

Hope you don't mind me stopping in. I've been reading since the beginning (and some of you know I've been in contact via PM) but it's taken me a while to work up the courage to post here

It's been so inspiring watching how this thread has changed and grown and I think you are a fabulous bunch. I wish that I could meet more people like you in RL. It's made me realise that there are still nice people still in the world... but perhaps they just live elsewhere?!

I too am a singly (love this expression btw) and can totally understand and recognise many of the things you have been describing. When I was younger I was so independent and although I still am in many ways, I feel that somewhere along the line I have lost my confidence and some self esteem.

The majority of my friends (if not all) are married or in relationships - some with and some without children - and I feel very much like the odd one out at times. Reading this thread has reminded me of so many of the positive things about living alone that I love. It's just hard to remember that on the tough days

Some of you have commented that you miss having people there to help in a crisis or to talk things over with - and I agree with that too. For me, I also miss having someone to do nothing with (the just chilling out and being together part) if you see what I mean.

When I thought I would be 'home alone' for new years eve - I made myself a promise that this year would be different. As it turned out I had some surprise visitors and so wasn't alone after all. I have taken this as a sign that perhaps I can follow that promise up and so hopefully this post will be the next step on that journey.

BW

LavenderBees

BookWorm wrote: »

Hi All

Hope you don't mind me stopping in. I've been reading since the beginning (and some of you know I've been in contact via PM) but it's taken me a while to work up the courage to post here

It's been so inspiring watching how this thread has changed and grown and I think you are a fabulous bunch. I wish that I could meet more people like you in RL. It's made me realise that there are still nice people still in the world... but perhaps they just live elsewhere?!

I too am a singly (love this expression btw) and can totally understand and recognise many of the things you have been describing. When I was younger I was so independent and although I still am in many ways, I feel that somewhere along the line I have lost my confidence and some self esteem.

The majority of my friends (if not all) are married or in relationships - some with and some without children - and I feel very much like the odd one out at times. Reading this thread has reminded me of so many of the positive things about living alone that I love. It's just hard to remember that on the tough days

Some of you have commented that you miss having people there to help in a crisis or to talk things over with - and I agree with that too. For me, I also miss having someone to do nothing with (the just chilling out and being together part) if you see what I mean.

When I thought I would be 'home alone' for new years eve - I made myself a promise that this year would be different. As it turned out I had some surprise visitors and so wasn't alone after all. I have taken this as a sign that perhaps I can follow that promise up and so hopefully this post will be the next step on that journey.

BW

Hiya :hello:

Glad you've popped by. Everyone is welcome.

There are many many positives to living alone, we just need to remind ourselves of that sometimes (in my case, often :rotfl:). But company is also needed to keep the balance right. And I definitely miss having someone here that I'm comfortable with to do nothing. That's the litmus test really, isn't it?

Are you thinking of trying to extend your circle of friends to have more to do "stuff" with? What would be your ideal to do, do you think? classes, meet ups etc?

Last weekend was very sociable for me by my normal standards, and this weekend is very quiet, very frugal. To be honest, because it's sandwiched between sociable weekends, I really will quite relish quiet time to myself.

So even though I'm tired, I've made myself write a list of things to accomplish this weekend... I've scrapped plans for a trip to the garden centre, and I don't intend to use the car which, being rural, limits my options somewhat - so it will be things like scribbling notes for inclusion in a will/ thoughts and research on living wills/making soup for work lunches (broccoli and blue cheese this week :T), a bit of lottie work, a bit of housework, and a long walk followed by a pamper session/face mask.

By the time I've finished this lot, I will feel I've accomplished a fair bit, and can afford and deserve social time next weekend! But it's a reasonable split between chores and relaxation I hope. And no spend, which is essential at the moment....

Good to have you on board, anyway . I'm going to stop wittering and go to my much needed bed.

Sleep tight

LB xx

PlymouthMaid

Hi all - I have read this entire thread this evening and feel like I have lived through your highs and lows with you. You are a lovely bunch and I hope you all have a good 2014. I am not a singly at present but was for 7 years and can totally empathise with the 'having to do it all on your own' feeling when things go wrong. My OH and I tend to live like an island as we have nobody other than my elderly mum and my grown up daughters to call on if needed.

I have always been quite a sociable person but have realised lately that aside from work colleagues and family I have no real friends locally (although I have at least one treasured friend 300 miles away). This has come about through the combination of my long term relationship ending (and the fact that both ex partner and new one worked abroad anyway and so had very few friends locally), pressures of work and the fact that we have been broke for a few years as I am now the only earner. As somebody pages ago said, it is hard to cultivate new friends under such circumstances.

Anyway you lot have inspired me to at least make a list of the things I would like to achieve in 2014. I also had to laugh at the poster who commented that because of MSE they don't know whether to declutter and sell everything, stock up for the Zombie apocalypse, buy all bargains when spotted or not spend at all. I am that confuzzled person at present who today spent ages finding all coppers in the house and bagging them up (£8 my the way) but also decluttered loft room and purchased wind up torches for the apocalypse.

I will keep reading as I do still think like a singly.

BookWorm

LavenderBees wrote: »

Hiya :hello:

Glad you've popped by. Everyone is welcome.

There are many many positives to living alone, we just need to remind ourselves of that sometimes (in my case, often :rotfl:). But company is also needed to keep the balance right. And I definitely miss having someone here that I'm comfortable with to do nothing. That's the litmus test really, isn't it?

Are you thinking of trying to extend your circle of friends to have more to do "stuff" with? What would be your ideal to do, do you think? classes, meet ups etc?

Last weekend was very sociable for me by my normal standards, and this weekend is very quiet, very frugal. To be honest, because it's sandwiched between sociable weekends, I really will quite relish quiet time to myself.

So even though I'm tired, I've made myself write a list of things to accomplish this weekend... I've scrapped plans for a trip to the garden centre, and I don't intend to use the car which, being rural, limits my options somewhat - so it will be things like scribbling notes for inclusion in a will/ thoughts and research on living wills/making soup for work lunches (broccoli and blue cheese this week :T), a bit of lottie work, a bit of housework, and a long walk followed by a pamper session/face mask.

By the time I've finished this lot, I will feel I've accomplished a fair bit, and can afford and deserve social time next weekend! But it's a reasonable split between chores and relaxation I hope. And no spend, which is essential at the moment....

Good to have you on board, anyway . I'm going to stop wittering and go to my much needed bed.

Sleep tight

LB xx

Thank you so much for the lovely reply LB

I have thought a little about extending my circle of friends but I feel that my low confidence may prevent me. I would also be unsure of how to go about that or what to do. Little disposable income may also be an issue.
Crikey as I write this .. just sounds like a lot of excuses... but not intending them to be I will definitely give it some more thought

I am also having a quiet/frugal weekend although possibly less by choice. I am going to try and get out for a walk though as long as the weather not too bad

Night night

BW

p.s never had broccoli and blue cheese soup - is it nice?

LavenderBees

BookWorm wrote: »

Thank you so much for the lovely reply LB

I have thought a little about extending my circle of friends but I feel that my low confidence may prevent me. I would also be unsure of how to go about that or what to do. Little disposable income may also be an issue.
Crikey as I write this .. just sounds like a lot of excuses... but not intending them to be I will definitely give it some more thought

I am also having a quiet/frugal weekend although possibly less by choice. I am going to try and get out for a walk though as long as the weather not too bad

Night night

BW

p.s never had broccoli and blue cheese soup - is it nice?

I'll let you know...I'll eat it all week even if not :rotfl:

My frugal quiet weekend isn't really a choice, though. There wasn't anything else on offer , but I'm learning to turn it into a positive and enjoy the time alone. As I say it's easier for me to do this when I have social time scheduled as a contrast. But also, I'm trying to look on time alone as "A GOOD THING!!" After all, everything I do is for me...how can that not be a good thing?

Confidence and self esteem is hard to pick up, but that's my own aim. We can do this :A

Pop by over the weekend, and let us know how you are getting on.

P.S. As you can see, I'm still up, just noticed that Graham Norton is on...he always makes me lol

LavenderBees

PlymouthMaid wrote: »

Hi all - I have read this entire thread this evening and feel like I have lived through your highs and lows with you. You are a lovely bunch and I hope you all have a good 2014. I am not a singly at present but was for 7 years and can totally empathise with the 'having to do it all on your own' feeling when things go wrong. My OH and I tend to live like an island as we have nobody other than my elderly mum and my grown up daughters to call on if needed.

I have always been quite a sociable person but have realised lately that aside from work colleagues and family I have no real friends locally (although I have at least one treasured friend 300 miles away). This has come about through the combination of my long term relationship ending (and the fact that both ex partner and new one worked abroad anyway and so had very few friends locally), pressures of work and the fact that we have been broke for a few years as I am now the only earner. As somebody pages ago said, it is hard to cultivate new friends under such circumstances.

Anyway you lot have inspired me to at least make a list of the things I would like to achieve in 2014. I also had to laugh at the poster who commented that because of MSE they don't know whether to declutter and sell everything, stock up for the Zombie apocalypse, buy all bargains when spotted or not spend at all. I am that confuzzled person at present who today spent ages finding all coppers in the house and bagging them up (£8 my the way) but also decluttered loft room and purchased wind up torches for the apocalypse.

I will keep reading as I do still think like a singly.

Gawd, if you've read this lot, you'll need a drink :beer:

And yes, the MSE life can be very contradictory. I laughed out loud reading Calicocat's description of her confusion :rotfl:

Welcome to the thread. Please keep posting. Your experiences will help us all, I'm sure.

boddy

Glad to see that this thread will remain in some form.Wow LB who knew it would resonate with so many people.

I'm quite a happy in my own company person. Though on the other side of the coin I do like company. For me the company is my voluntary job and family. I can only cope with so much socialising. For instance it's our work meal out next month. I will enjoy the meal etc then I often feel that I want to be home. I can't cope with lots of people at once.

Oh workmen. Over the years I've learned by trial and error who is good and reasonable priced. Learnt badly with a dodgy electrician. I now have a good builder, plumber, but still not found a decent electrician. When I wanted my wood floor laid I was let down so much. Then decided to ask around at work and got someone.

This weekend I have to pop into town for something. But a Sunday is my chill day.

spirit

LavenderBees wrote: »

This diy forum you mention - is that the MSE one or a different one?

Sometimes I will ask a question on here if it's to do with fairly basic diy stuff. Otherwise i ask more specialist trade stuff on diynot http://www.diynot.com/forums/

spirit

Yesterday I ended up working from home. I'd gone out to get the work-provided-bus at the usual time but had been forewarned that the traffic was horrendous. A colleague had texted to say it had taken her an hour and was still not in the office (we live 3 miles away)

I waited for an hour and no bus, so went home. My feet particularly were frozen, so got my onesie on (got it after reading that others here had got them :rotfl:) fluffy slippers and a hot drink.

I decided I could quite happily work from home a couple of days a week, no phone calls to answer, no inane chatter or whingeing to listen to AND I made 4 granny squares for a blanket I'm making :T


Today I need to nip out and get some cat food. Being quite :money:, I shop at Aldi since it opened recently in the next town. But will go there tomorrow I think. Today I will walk up to the village as there is a Co op there and get some cat food and some of those special k crisp type things they all rave about at work (they are on offer at 99p instead of £1.99)

I did my washing yesterday and hoovered upstairs, so only have downstairs to do today. If as the forecast says, it's going to be dry and sunny today, I may go out in the garden and tidy a bit. I've got loads of bags of chicken !!!!!! from when i cleared out their run when they went I must put it on the raised beds. I've still got half a bed of leeks left and since it is a fast day for me, will make a leek soup tonight with some. The parsnips have been successful again this year, they are mahooooosive. Might dig some of those for tomorrow's lunch.

Have a good day y'all