A Singularly Lonely Christmas

LavenderBees

lizziebabe wrote: »

Hi all :hello:

I usually live on my own - my 2 grown up children have flown the nest. I have a lodger at the moment, she is an aussie friend of my daughter's and good company.
I don't mind being on my own, most of the time but am disappointed that some of my friends don't invite me to things. I used to entertain a lot but seldom do now. I would much prefer to go out as I am usually on my own at home.
Anyway, this is a great thread and just goes to show there are a lot of us singletons around. I find that I just get on with things on my own otherwise I would never do anything, especially if I waited for friends to suggest doing something.

Yes, lodgers is a good option especially when you know the lodger involved. :T. Unfortunately not an option for me as my wee house is a tad too wee, otherwise, I would consider it, definitely.

On the doing things on your own, yes, I can and do do that. Often. Too often. But I simply ran out of steam last year to keep motivating myself. There were lots of horrible reasons why that happened, but also a large part was just that I was tired. Tired of plastering a smile on and pretending I'm happy doing everything on my own.

I find it best if I have a mixture of things to do/look forward to with others, and other things on my own. THEN, I am very content when I'm on my own. Actually, I then really look forward to being on my own as it provides a good contrast to the chatter and stimulation of others. I guess what I'm grasping towards saying is that I need a balance of company and time on my own.

There are some things I MUCH prefer to do with others e.g. eating out and walking. But some things I MUCH prefer to do on my own e.g. clothes/household shopping, walking, gardening, reading etc.

Thinking about it more deeply :eek:, I'm actually a fairly contented solitary person, who needs company.

:rotfl:

I hope this thread will help you find ideas for meeting new people should you wish to.

lostinrates

Lilyplonk wrote: »

There are also all those women whose husbands work away from home for whatever reason - oil-rig workers / ferry workers / Armed Forces / Merchant Navy - who find themselves married but living the life of a 'singleton' for much of the time.

This is me, and fwiw, my husband. We spend week days apart. Its as hard on both.

We never forget we have the emotional support of each other though.

Its a funny thing, you have many of the benefits and drawbacks of both situations. .

LizzieB

This thread has been so much of a comfort to me. I'm only 37, but lost my husband in November 2012 so have spent the last year getting back on my feet again as a single person. Its been so nice knowing there are others out there in a 'single' position still trying to keep the OS traditions.

moneyistooshorttomention

groatie_queen wrote: »

Quite often singletons have less disposable income than families as we have the running costs of accommodation, maintenance, utilities, food etc from a single source of income. This makes OS very important to us singletons, and for me I really appreciate the fact that 'singleton resources' are being shared in one specific thread on the OS board.

:T Agreed.

Singlies' running costs are indeed quite a bit higher than couplies'. Thus the lower disposable income (over £100 extra gone on bills each month courtesy of being a singlie) and then there's having to pay every single bill for house goods/work on house on your own. No "I'll replace the washing machine dear, if you replace the cooker" for a singlie. We have to replace both on one income.

EDIT: and indeed, in other ways too, singlies have a very different lifestyle to couplies.

lostinrates

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

:T Agreed.

Singlies' running costs are indeed quite a bit higher than couplies'. Thus the lower disposable income (over £100 extra gone on bills each month courtesy of being a singlie) and then there's having to pay every single bill for house goods/work on house on your own. No "I'll replace the washing machine dear, if you replace the cooker" for a singlie. We have to replace both on one income.

EDIT: and indeed, in other ways too, singlies have a very different lifestyle to couplies.

Just like to say not all couples have two incomes.

My husband's salary is good, but because of my health and the nature of his work and our lifestyle I don't work. . So his one salary does not quite double time. Because, again, of the nature of our lifestyle ( choice not mandate, though a somewhat Hobson's choice for us) we live separately. He HAS to live within m25 zone for his job mon to fri, we couldn't afford that without considerable sacrifice, so his one income keeps the Wreckstoration plus some where for him to lodge.

Obviously, not all couples are like us, but, its very easy to forget that circumstances are different. A moderately earning single might be 'better off' in real terms than us on dh's decent salary, when the other factors of life are considered. I'm not sure tbh.

Its very difficult to 'compare' because in someway we always come of worse, and others are likely to come off better, but somehow always manage not to feel good if life comes down to comparisons I think.

Byatt

I think it's swings and roundabouts financially, speaking for myself, I do enjoy not being answerable to someone else over the money I spend (apart from the bank :eek:), plus if I want to budget or cut right back, living on beans on toast for 2 weeks is not the end of the world, and I know what's in the fridge stays in the fridge, no explosions of "who ate the ...???" :rotfl:

For me it's the emotional and psyhological effects of being single. I have been in an unhappy and sometimes desperate marriage where I felt very lonely at times, but I do miss having a body in the house, although my lovely, lovely pusscat aleviates much of the emptiness, conversation is sometimes very one sided!

I have pootled outside again, walked to the local post office to post a parcel, which is an event in itself as person who runs it, rarely speaks...very difficult when you are trying to make a transaction. She is always "doing" something when I walk in, doesn't say a word until she finishes, which is usually just to confirm what I;ve just said...and that's it. Still productive in other ways, as notices go up in the window for different events, and so I might be popping along to a "talk" run by the village garden society, I also have the number for said garden society which I intend to join. They do a village fete in the summer too, so I can be part of that.

All I have to do is actually go now...:o

moneyistooshorttomention

That is one of the things, ie those "emotional and psychological effects" of being single you mention Byatt.

It is possible to see both ITRW and on forums how many couplies seem to spend most/all of their free time with their OH/family and very little general "social time" involving the community generally/single friends/etc. This does remove one heck of a lot of people from the "out and about being friendly with everyone else" scene and, by and large, that means singlies rely heavily on other singlies for their social life (with others being unavailable).

Even going out to things featuring people in all sorts of relationship status and none, then come the time the event is over a singlie might be wondering if everyone is going to go for a drink now (coffee or "drink" drink) and the couplies are heading off home and it doesn't happen a lot of the time. I know I certainly appreciate those social things where its not a "head for the exit" scenario and everyone heads off to either a caf! or pub.

I guess a lot of it is the "Singlies don't get asked to dinner parties" idea. Having always been single (whether with or without a boyfriend in tow) then I can't recall having ever been asked to a dinner party yet. A meal with really good friends, but not people I barely know type meal out. Fortunately, there are communal "bring and share" meals that groups I am in sometimes have, so that helps.

lostinrates

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

That is one of the things, ie those "emotional and psychological effects" of being single you mention Byatt.

It is possible to see both ITRW and on forums how many couplies seem to spend most/all of their free time with their OH/family and very little general "social time" involving the community generally/single friends/etc. This does remove one heck of a lot of people from the "out and about being friendly with everyone else" scene and, by and large, that means singlies rely heavily on other singlies for their social life (with others being unavailable).

Even going out to things featuring people in all sorts of relationship status and none, then come the time the event is over a singlie might be wondering if everyone is going to go for a drink now (coffee or "drink" drink) and the couplies are heading off home and it doesn't happen a lot of the time. I know I certainly appreciate those social things where its not a "head for the exit" scenario and everyone heads off to either a caf! or pub.

I guess a lot of it is the "Singlies don't get asked to dinner parties" idea. Having always been single (whether with or without a boyfriend in tow) then I can't recall having ever been asked to a dinner party yet. A meal with really good friends, but not people I barely know type meal out. Fortunately, there are communal "bring and share" meals that groups I am in sometimes have, so that helps.

It's a shame people are so far geographically, On a single night for me I'd host a dinner party gladly. .


The main reason I rush home after things...is to let my dogs out or to put my chickens in. . My animals are a huge tie I'm afraid. My Husband (whether he is around or not) is more self sufficient :rotfl:

MummyBobble

I had to drop my car off at the garage at lunchtime for a part to be fitted (or something, I don't do technical I'm afraid). Anyhow, it started raining as I was walking home so I took my glasses off and put them in my bag (they don't have windscreen wipers and the rain drops were annoying). Almost home and a lady walking towards me was smiling so (assuming I knew her) I said "Hello, how's it going?". Turned out we didn't know each other, she's just moved into the area and was looking to see if there was a local shop. I turned round and walked with her to the shop while we talked about nothing in particular. Whilst it was only ten minutes of my time it did actually lift my spirits

I then walked home making a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone I passed whether I knew them or not. Some smiled back, but from some of the looks I got there may be some doctors turning up shortly wearing clean white coats to take me away to somewhere I will not be a danger to myself or anyone else... :rotfl:

calicocat

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

That is one of the things, ie those "emotional and psychological effects" of being single you mention Byatt.

It is possible to see both ITRW and on forums how many couplies seem to spend most/all of their free time with their OH/family and very little general "social time" involving the community generally/single friends/etc. This does remove one heck of a lot of people from the "out and about being friendly with everyone else" scene and, by and large, that means singlies rely heavily on other singlies for their social life (with others being unavailable).

Even going out to things featuring people in all sorts of relationship status and none, then come the time the event is over a singlie might be wondering if everyone is going to go for a drink now (coffee or "drink" drink) and the couplies are heading off home and it doesn't happen a lot of the time. I know I certainly appreciate those social things where its not a "head for the exit" scenario and everyone heads off to either a caf! or pub.

I guess a lot of it is the "Singlies don't get asked to dinner parties" idea. Having always been single (whether with or without a boyfriend in tow) then I can't recall having ever been asked to a dinner party yet. A meal with really good friends, but not people I barely know type meal out. Fortunately, there are communal "bring and share" meals that groups I am in sometimes have, so that helps.

The meals with friends I must admit tends to be me organising it nowadays, there was a group of us that have known each other for years and used to do a monthly dinner party, but this dwindled when it became really difficult to organise with everyone's different work patterns. I have found that if I want it to happen I have to be really proactive about organising it. Now I have moved and have a dining room of sorts albeit not massive, I am going to do this more, also now I have a (again small) garden, i'm going to do barbecues. This can be done relatively cheaply if everyone brings something to contribute.

I think it is harder as a single though as you do get excluded from things at times, or at least that's how it can feel. Strange really as they reckon we are becoming much more of a single society these days.




What I get heartily sick of at times is just dealing with everything myself, particularly if it's something I know nothing about. Roof leaking, boiler being weird, extractor fan wanting to blow up....etc. I know nothing of these things and get stressed and weary of working out what I have to do instead of being able to just pass the problem to someone else occasionally...and car stuff.

A lot of my few single friends say this, that they get sick of having no-one to help or help make decisions. Sometimes you just want to say......'Yeh, really, ok so someone else see to that one because I just don't care to think about it'



Today....on the frugal side, I have been to shop to get all washing powder, cleaning stuff, loo rolls etc for the month so I shouldn't have to spend on this again...therefore avoid shops more. I didn't buy anything else other than milk and Y'S dill and broccoli......a miracle. I had to hang on tight to the steering wheel going past Homebase and B n M's. , nearly didn't make it but managed. I also would love to have a drink or two before going back on my shifts but have a voided this too and will put a fiver in my jar now. That's a week without any alcohol now, not bad for me, as usually two out of the 4 days off I would have a drink.

Right, I really should get on with things instead of mooching around on OS as back to work tomorrow .