Not Legally Married

seven-day-weekend

Torry_Quine wrote: »

My husband knew when his parents married as did my brother know when our parents married so it definitely isn't a general male thing. Actually my husband's parents had a very small wedding but even they had someone take a couple of pictures.

I can't imagine not at least sending parents a card for their anniversary and most couples have their wedding photo on display.

I doubt very much if our son knows when we were married. We have never been big on sending cards for birthdays and never at all for things like Father's/Mother's Day and whilst my husband and I celebrate our Wedding Anniversary, it is 'our' day, so just for us, and we don't normally send cards.

No wedding photos on display and never have had.

Even my husband had to ask yesterday when the date was

seven-day-weekend

travelgran wrote: »

Sorry TQ- married over 40 years, no wedding photographs on display and no cards from anyone, even to each other. That's if we remember it ourselves.
Still definitely married though!

Same here

Cottage_Economy

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

A ring-a-ding-ding. That's the "troll" bell ringing gently there people, can you hear it? So now the OP expects us to believe that nobody in the family ever asked when their parents got married, nobody wondered why they kept the actual wedding event and subsequent anniversary down the years as a giant secret. Next they'll be telling us that the children of this couple don't even know their parent's wedding anniversary date and never bothered to ask

No, i'm afraid i don't hear it.

Members of my extended family have kept weddings quiet, mainly due to unexpected pregnancy.

It was possible to do in those days. People tended to take things at face value. If a couple said they were married and wore rings and she called herself a 'mrs' they were married and no-one pried.

And for information my parents don't celebrate their wedding anniversary. Ever. Never known to. Don't know the date they married and when once asked they asked me why i needed to know and never told me.

I suspect my mum was quite pregnant with my sister and revealing the date would show that, she's quite squeamish about that sort of thing.

As for wedding photos, they said one of my uncles screwed up the photos on the day. Never seen a photo of it. My father is estranged from the rest of his family and most of my mother's family are gone so there's never been any fond reminisces about it at family get togethers either.

duchy

Skinto_7 wrote: »

No they never celebrated a wedding anniversary, think i maybe asked a couple of times and they just said it was their special date and didnt want us fussying so they never told us.

Being a guy i never really thought or wanted to see weddding photos but my wife did ask once, however my folks just said they had a very small wedding with no guests or photographers, which seemed fai;y reasonable to me.

This is exactly what my parents did and said too...... does make you wonder how many other couple in the same situation there are out there.

(My Mum did tell me they eventually did marry because they were buying a new house and the solicitor pointed out what a precarious situation my Mum and us kids could be left in without them getting married if anything happened to my Dad. They simply left us kids at home with a neighbour in the morning-got the bus into town -got married - bus back and went on packing up the house....then Mum and the kids went to Ireland that night for a month and Dad who had to work stayed in digs whilst we were waiting for completion on the new house-so they never even had a wedding night..... Yet oddly were one of the most romantic and loving couples ever)

duchy

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

A ring-a-ding-ding. That's the "troll" bell ringing gently there people, can you hear it? So now the OP expects us to believe that nobody in the family ever asked when their parents got married, nobody wondered why they kept the actual wedding event and subsequent anniversary down the years as a giant secret. Next they'll be telling us that the children of this couple don't even know their parent's wedding anniversary date and never bothered to ask

Oh I asked ....they made excuses like they couldn't remember the date...and how they didn't need to celebrate an anniversary as they celebrated their love every day. I just assumed I had come along a bit earlier than was respectable and they were evading the question -and didn't think anything of it. The real reason was the Catholic church (and my grandmother ) didn't approve of a mixed marriage (I guess no-one told them Jesus was a Jew too !!)

So I see no reason not to believe the OP -their experiences are very similar to my own with my parents.

daisiegg

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

A ring-a-ding-ding. That's the "troll" bell ringing gently there people, can you hear it? So now the OP expects us to believe that nobody in the family ever asked when their parents got married, nobody wondered why they kept the actual wedding event and subsequent anniversary down the years as a giant secret. Next they'll be telling us that the children of this couple don't even know their parent's wedding anniversary date and never bothered to ask

Erm, what? This is a bit of a leap! My grandparents are very much married (my mum was doing family tree a few years ago and has seen the evidence) but there are no photos of it and they do not celebrate/acknowledge the anniversary. Why? Partly because it was the 1950s and they were very poor. A big part because she was 4 months pregnant when they got married (which is NEVER acknowledged or discussed). In fact, it is a testament to how little their wedding is discussed or the date mentioned that it wasn't until his 40th birthday that my uncle and my mum realised that he was born only 5 months after the wedding (to this day, my grandparents do not know/realise that everyone else knows they 'had' to get married).

This doesn't make them any less married. When I asked about it as a child they just used to say 'times were different then, and we were very poor' to explain why there were no pictures. They would never be a couple to celebrate anniversaries anyway; they don't even get each other something for birthdays or Christmas.

I just asked my husband and he has no idea when his parents got married - couldn't even estimate a time of year. I am pretty certain my brother would have no clue when my parents' anniversary is.

Just because people are different to you, doesn't make them trolls!

Georgiegirl256

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Thanks but I can't imagine not celebrating with my husband with at least a card and if my close family and friends forget I am not happy!

certainly don't mean to imply that if you don't mark the date you aren't married but it's a new one on me.

I don't get this? Not saying its wrong, because it's obviously what you believe in, but why would you be angry if your family and friends forgot to send you a card?

I very rarely sent my parents one, hardly ever, nor did any other family member or friend, people go to so many weddings sometimes that they can't remember the dates of them all, and most people I know certainly don't send a card, it's just usually something celebrated between the couple.

I know when my parents got married, I've seen the photos loads of times, love looking through their album! They've got photos on display, but I can imagine that a lot of people don't (I haven't any up of my own wedding yet), I can also imagine that there is a lot of secrecy in families regarding being married (or not as the case may be), and weddings. I remember my Mam telling me a story of her Aunty or Uncle promising that they wouldn't remarry (very religious, Catholic faith), but they did and it caused an almighty uproar. I don't know if that is the case so much nowadays, but back then it could cause family rifts like you wouldn't believe.

Georgiegirl256

Come to think of it, I've never seen a wedding photo of my grandparents. It's just something I never thought to ask about, I don't even know when they got married (although I can guess at early 30's), it just never dawned on me to ask. To me, they were married, my nana wore a ring (the only bit of jewellery she ever wore infact, she was like me, doesn't really like jewellery). But yeah, times were very different back then, and probably quite a lot of people don't have wedding photos.

It's got me curious now though, I'll have to ask my Mam because if there is any I'd love to see them.

Torry_Quine

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I don't get this? Not saying its wrong, because it's obviously what you believe in, but why would you be angry if your family and friends forgot to send you a card?

I very rarely sent my parents one, hardly ever, nor did any other family member or friend, people go to so many weddings sometimes that they can't remember the dates of them all, and most people I know certainly don't send a card, it's just usually something celebrated between the couple.

I know when my parents got married, I've seen the photos loads of times, love looking through their album! They've got photos on display, but I can imagine that a lot of people don't (I haven't any up of my own wedding yet), I can also imagine that there is a lot of secrecy in families regarding being married (or not as the case may be), and weddings. I remember my Mam telling me a story of her Aunty or Uncle promising that they wouldn't remarry (very religious, Catholic faith), but they did and it caused an almighty uproar. I don't know if that is the case so much nowadays, but back then it could cause family rifts like you wouldn't believe.

Reading this makes me very surprised. I surely can't be that unusual in getting a card from my Dad for example.

If I go to a wedding then they will be sent a card for the first anniversary and for close friends and family they get one every year. Also if I know it's a special one eg 25th then I wouldn't like to forget.

Marriage is to be celebrated in my opinion.

sweaty_betty

travelgran wrote: »

Sorry TQ- married over 40 years, no wedding photographs on display and no cards from anyone, even to each other. That's if we remember it ourselves.
Still definitely married though!

Me too (although married for much fewer years!)

TonyMMM wrote: »

Yes it does - even if you keep your name on marriage , a married woman should still have a "maiden" name shown (even though the 2 names will be the same)

I've just checked this on my LO's birth certificate (long version and short) (he's 3). There's no "maiden" name on it, just his name, dad's name, my name. No one asked if we were married when we registered him and neither of us bothered changing our names when we were married (before having LO).

I find it really interesting how marking anniversaries (and for that matter, having wedding photos on display, wearing wedding rings etc) are so important to some people, but not for others.