Not Legally Married

Skinto_7

LE3 wrote: »

any chance they have a special "anniversary" coming up that they could do a "vow renewal"?

A quick word with the vicar/registrar could ensure that appropriate wording was used and it was recorded legally whilst letting everyone else think it was "just a renewal"

probably not a bad idea LE3, might suggest that once i have had a chance to look into things.

Cheers

Skinto_7

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Did they have a date when they pretended it was their anniversary? Otherwise how didn't you know they weren't married?

Just thought did you never ask to see wedding photos etc?

No they never celebrated a wedding anniversary, think i maybe asked a couple of times and they just said it was their special date and didnt want us fussying so they never told us.

Being a guy i never really thought or wanted to see weddding photos but my wife did ask once, however my folks just said they had a very small wedding with no guests or photographers, which seemed fai;y reasonable to me.

Errata

A 'vow renewal' has no legal standing, only a religious one.
It seems to me that if you want to protect your parents and want the best for them you must have a very frank discussion with them pointing out all the pitfalls of pensions, insurance, wills not standing up when one of them dies.
It will be a challenging discussion, but your mum has already done a very difficult thing by telling you.

benjus

Errata wrote: »

A 'vow renewal' has no legal standing, only a religious one.

I think the point was to pretend it was a vow renewal but to actually be a full marriage ceremony. However, as you point out, I think most people would know that a vow renewal has no legal status, so the presence of official registers would be hard to explain to the guests...

duchy

My Mum and Dad did something similar (Catholic and Jewish families) although they did sneak off and make it legal eight years later but never told anyone (I discovered all this when I was in my forties and my Mum also apologized to me too)

If they've both made wills it isn't an issue and frankly although legally they are not next of kin - when it comes to things like medical issues no doctor is going to demand to see a wedding certificate but will accept that Mr and Mrs Skinto are husband and wife . So unless you as their son and you disagreed with a decision -again not an issue, Insurance policies might be a bit trickier unless they are named as beneficiaries -same if any pensions have a surving spouse element too- a marriage cert could be asked for.

You can change your name by common usage-it is perfectly legal - your Mum's legal name IS Mrs Skinto -no deed poll or marriage required for that.

duchy

NAR wrote: »

Slightly off topic, but I find it amazing that at 36 he has never seen his birth certificate, which would reveal the "secret."

Not really - I never saw MY full version til I was an adult-My parents only kept the short version which had my name on it but not theirs. If Skinto was registered as Master Skinto rather than his mother's maiden name -who was going to know....back then ID checks were unheard of. My mum changed my name on my medical card .....no-one batted an eyelid and that card was used to register me for school etc ........ Paperwork was a lot more casual back then.

I can't imagine a pair of pensioners wanting a "wedding" to regurlize things especially if they've kept it hidden - but if it is needed a quick trip to a registry office with no fuss might be more acceptable to them "just to keep the paperwork straight....and cheaper than a solicitor" That's what my parents did.....one sister was there as a witness and they got some random for the other and no-one else in the family or friends knew.

Errata

duchy wrote: »

My Mum and Dad did something similar (Catholic and Jewish families) although they did sneak off and make it legal eight years later but never told anyone (I discovered all this when I was in my forties and my Mum also apologized to me too)

If they've both made wills it isn't an issue and frankly although legally they are not next of kin - when it comes to things like medical issues no doctor is going to demand to see a wedding certificate but will accept that Mr and Mrs Skinto are husband and wife . So unless you as their son and you disagreed with a decision -again not an issue, Insurance policies might be a bit trickier unless they are named as beneficiaries -same if any pensions have a surving spouse element too- a marriage cert could be asked for.

You can change your name by common usage-it is perfectly legal - your Mum's legal name IS Mrs Skinto -no deed poll or marriage required for that.

If wills have been made it's pretty important that the correct names and relationships are written in full, and that appllies to insurance policies and private pensions.

Gloomendoom

benjus wrote: »

I think the point was to pretend it was a vow renewal but to actually be a full marriage ceremony. However, as you point out, I think most people would know that a vow renewal has no legal status, so the presence of official registers would be hard to explain to the guests...

There was a thread on the Tripadvisor Cyprus forum a while back where somebody wanted to do the opposite, pretend to her children that a vow renewal was real marriage.

duchy

Errata wrote: »

If wills have been made it's pretty important that the correct names and relationships are written in full, and that appllies to insurance policies and private pensions.

But her name IS Mrs Skinto -by common usage -which is entirely legal (no deed poll needed) the only issues are insurances if it is a spousal benefit on an insurance (all of which I've already said)

Errata

duchy wrote: »

But her name IS Mrs Skinto -by common usage -which is entirely legal (no deed poll needed) the only issues are insurances if it is a spousal benefit on an insurance (all of which I've already said)

You're correct. A deed poll isn't necessary, just common useage - which is what women do when they take their husband's name on marriage.
Some info here http://www.cornwall.gov.uk/default.aspx?page=15672