HELP - how to help my year 12 son study - PLEASE

gwynlas

Self study is a skill. I did reasonably okay using my memory but it wasn't discovered until I was over 40 that I was dyslexic. Get your son to research what he believes will work for ,him before buying expensive guides that might be available through library. Also get him to download job applications so ,that he can see what skills/knowledge are required. Discuss with school any indicators that he is not keeping up or achieving as he should. At least he is asking you for help so he recognises that he is ,having problems.

Danjames

If I can stick my nose in here. I was similar to your son, from the age of 6 until about 13 I was considered the brightest in my class and was often sent to the year above to study more stretching lessons. However, I hit 14, found that playing sport and chatting to girls were far more enjoyable and went from someone who could have got a lot of A's to someone who coasted and got B's, C's and a couple of E's. My parents were livid but I continued to coast through my A levels and then University and came out with a third class degree. My problem was I suddenly stopped seeing the point in it schoolwork. I just wanted to enjoy myself, didn't have a clue what I wanted to do for a living. I wish someone had sat me down and said right, if you want to do this type of profession when you are older you need to have XYZ, if you want to do this then it is WXY, If you want to join the forces it is ABC.

I'm not saying I would have listened as I would probably have nonchalantly told them I was going to be a professional rugby player, but then again it may have worked. I would try and make the choices seem like your sons. Ask him what he wants to do in life, what kind of house and family and holidays he wants when he is older. Show him how much they cost, how much money he'd have to earn to get a big enough mortgage to buy the house and take his kids on holidays. I wish my parents had included me in family finance meetings so I could see the impact of what we did and where I studied on household income. It may have focussed my mind somewhat. It has taken me to get to my mid 30's before realising what I want to do when I grew up and am having to redo my degree to get the necessary grade - how frustrating is that?!?! If I had worked hard enough at the time I wouldn't be having to study at evenings and weekends and with the kids pestering me. But hey, I made the choice and I enjoyed myself at the time.

Make it real for him, show him the cost of the life he wants adn the type of jobs he'd need to live it and the qualifications needed to get them. May work or he may simply grunt in your direction and pay no attention at all. At least you tried something different!

Good luck

fluffymuffy

My experience was that we the parents had to study and relate the information in real time and force feed it to the idle son. By the time he sat his GCSEs I could easily have passed them myself. I had walked him through so many past papers and revision guides. (He passed 8, all Bs and Cs).

The bottom line appears to be that with some children (boys mostly?) it is necessary for the parents to be completely up to speed in the subjects themselves. I don't think this is a class thing (often quoted as "middle-class children getting help from parents" in the press) - I didn't do any Chemistry at school, for example, and had to learn it from scratch for my son's GCSE. Of course if the parents are academically weak then that might be a problem.

theoretica

I think there are two kinds of needing help studying.
One is not knowing how to study effectively - people are different here, so probably need to experiment with many different ways, some of which will be a better fit than others.
The other is the motivation to study versus the lure of all the other exciting things on offer. Time set aside for study without access to computer games etc, and at regular times, not all left to the last minute, may help here. Once a habit is established it will probably become easier.

fletch3163

Hello again

I have read all your posts and taken advice from probably all of you.

My son is 16 and in 5th year. He is taking higher maths, physics and computing with int 2 English and woodwork for his first ever vocational course.

He is an only child and I try too hard to make things right for him. I don't want to break his spirit, enslave him to learning but I truly believe T this stage in his life study is what he should do.

If he doesn't go to uni it won't be the end of the world but I still believe until 18 you should stay in education doing your best, if it is possible in the family dynamic.

He takes his prelims at the end of January so a few weeks only, then it will quickly be time for higher at the end of May.

I am a bit like a burst ball today, hardly slept. Work tough too. So, tonight we have had no conversation at all. For both our sakes we will talk, decide and plan tomorrow. I struggle with how mono syllabic he is nowadays. Where is that lovely boy?

So, am going back over the thread and taking notes. Am grateful to hear your experiences. Teenagers have a knack of making their parents feel a failure

paulineb_2

fletch3163 wrote: »

Hello again

I have read all your posts and taken advice from probably all of you.

My son is 16 and in 5th year. He is taking higher maths, physics and computing with int 2 English and woodwork for his first ever vocational course.

He is an only child and I try too hard to make things right for him. I don't want to break his spirit, enslave him to learning but I truly believe T this stage in his life study is what he should do.

If he doesn't go to uni it won't be the end of the world but I still believe until 18 you should stay in education doing your best, if it is possible in the family dynamic.

He takes his prelims at the end of January so a few weeks only, then it will quickly be time for higher at the end of May.

I am a bit like a burst ball today, hardly slept. Work tough too. So, tonight we have had no conversation at all. For both our sakes we will talk, decide and plan tomorrow. I struggle with how mono syllabic he is nowadays. Where is that lovely boy?

So, am going back over the thread and taking notes. Am grateful to hear your experiences. Teenagers have a knack of making their parents feel a failure

You know, all I can say for myself is. I was very very clever at primary school, in fact when I got to third year at high school I just missed out on the top ten prizes for my results and that was with almost nil studying, I got one of the highest English marks in the year. Studying bored me and I didnt push myself and I wasnt pushed much either.

And I honestly dont regret the way that things turned out for me. Because I got there in the end. Its not the worst thing in the world if he doesnt do well this year, as I said, one of my relatives (very clever), got one Higher in 5th year at a C grade and that was enough to give him the boot up the backside to get studying the following year.

Hes also done more study since his degree and got top marks every time hes sat an exam.

Its a lot to put on peoples shoulders. I remember there were maybe about 5 people in my year who were very academic and studied their backside off. There were people like me who could have applied themselves more, right down to people who struggled.

Putting pressure on your son probably wont help. All you can do is give support, hope that he knuckles down and catch him if it all goes wrong.

I was never pressured to stay on at school by my mum, or go to university. And I remember her saying to me after I had gone to college for a year, hated it and dropped out and gone back to sit another 3 Highers to start a degree, that she admired me, because no matter how many knocks I took, I dusted myself off and got back on with it.

And as I said previously, I got there in the end. If I had studied my bottom off Id have got there a lot sooner, but sometimes the educational system doesnt give students what they need, its a one size fits all at times and everyone has their own interests and abilities and at 17, I just wasnt sure about what I wanted to do with my life, took me another few years to work that out.

You arent a failure if he doesnt do well in his Highers, neither is he. There are some kids who struggle even to get a standard grade. If things do go wrong for him next year, all you can do is support him and maybe that will be enough for him to realise that if he wants the passes, hes going to have to put some effort in.

As someone else said in the thread, he has lots of time.

tango

I have four teenagers, and until they reach 18, i do have some control over how much time they spend online. I can honestly say, that this, in my opinion is very detrimental to teenagers. Time and brain cells go out the window,and can never be got back.


Stay true to what core values you think are important, but as they get older you might sometimes have to start to compromise,much as it will be very difficult !

You do 'lose' you children for a while, and all they do is grunt and be moody and argue , and it can be so tough. But do remember more people than you think are suffering similar angst !!

x

themull1

If my kids were lazy and didn't want to study, I would let them get on with it. Pushing a kid that doesn't want to study could make them rebel and push them further away. My parents left me to it, and I turned out ok. But i'm not a pushy parent!

ViolaLass

themull1 wrote: »

If my kids were lazy and didn't want to study, I would let them get on with it. Pushing a kid that doesn't want to study could make them rebel and push them further away. My parents left me to it, and I turned out ok. But i'm not a pushy parent!

I agree. I messed up my AS levels, which I think my parents might have suspected was going to happen as my reports weren't great.

It was a fantastic wake up call.

Kids should be given the space to fail safely, before they go out into the big wide world and failing is suddenly a lot more serious.

19lottie82

OP, as you have said, if he doesn't go straight to Uni from school it's not a disaster.

If he gains 2 Higher passes, he can go to college to do a HNC course, which will then lead him into 1st year at Uni.
The assessment is continuous, and not mainly based on an end of year exam, which is often a help.

In fact sometimes this route works better for some students as it's a gentler way to "ease" them in to Uni level work / studying.