HELP - how to help my year 12 son study - PLEASE

sooty&sweep

Hi
Firstly you aren't failing him ! The fact that as soon as you've realised there is a problem & you are trying to help him proves that.
But you can only help /support him, he has got to want to help himself. So its about agreeing with him what you both are going to do.
I'd also wonder what additional support the school can provide even if its just more frequent feedback from the teachers to you.
Jen

19lottie82

dragonette wrote: »

Highers are a helluva lot more work than standard grades! Even studying hard its common to drop a grade or two, 7 1's and a 2 led to BBBCC for me.

He has to want to do it, coasting doesnt work for Highers

This is totally true. i got 1122234 in my SG's without trying very hard but struggled a lot with my Highers, I did work hard ish (though could have worked harder) and got BCC in 5th year.

Also, the subjects your son get 2's in are VERY hard in highers, well i dont know about the computing, but the sciences and the maths are, again, it's a big jump.

And when I was at school it wasn't recommended that you be put forward for a higher if you got lower than a 2 in any subject, eben the "easier" ones.

Can you not try to compromise with him, if he puts in the work and gets at least 2 passes (C's or above), then this will get him in to a college course next year (HNC/D?) to do something he is more interested in?

19lottie82

PS Im guessing he has prelims (mocks) after Christmas? Maybe that will give him the shock he needs to realise he has to study

FBaby

You need to turn things around, make him see what he will lose out if he doesn't get this right. What does he wants to do next year, which career. Make him focus for the future so that he becomes determined and focus again to get him some energy.

Then seat down with him and work out when he needs to do what. Ideally, don't fall into you become his secretary. He needs to learn to organise himself and rely on his own self to do what he is supposed to do on time.

Could you plan something that he can look foward in the summer, a 'reward' for the work?

fletch3163

This is higher year for him and I know why it is. It's because he would much rather be online with his pals. He is lazy, it's that simple. Meltdown in standard grade resulted in major study and cramming for 3 months , hence the 2 in four subjects. He thinks he can do the same again.

I was so shocked at how bad it all was. Am not stupid enough to think he was doing good, just not as bad.

I have done all the touchy fully stuff with him now, this is why we are at this situation sob. It's me trying to protect and over help him.

The crisis we have right now is how I help him plan his study. Des anyone know how to do this? I will try online but thought some of you would be recently out of education, or have children going through similar. Thanks

marisco_2

Swap kids with someone. This is not a flippant response by the way. My friends did this when their kids refused to apply themselves to study. Each boy went round to the other parents house and studied with them. Kids will often do far more for other people than they will for their parents, if only to wind them up and push them to the edge. Getting upset and frustrated was playing in to your sons hands a bit. As much as your upset and frustration is understandable as you know how much he has to lose by not trying hard. You cant put a wise head on young shoulders though. So try another route. Give it a go, it might just work.

Prothet_of_Doom

It brings back memories of my parents coming back from parents evening and accusing me of being on drugs....

Because a teacher had said "His personality and attitude has changed so much it's as if he's taking drugs"

In fact what had happened is that I'd actually got some friends, and was starting to enjoy life, and my hatred of the teachers and thier dictatorial attitudes, had welled over into a general work related apathy.

I realised 20 years later that I'm only motivated by being treated as an equal.

I guess the thing to do is to talk to your son, discuss what he really wants to do, try playing some of those computer games with him

DigForVictory

There's a difference between lazy & not actually that fussed. Inspiring the wanting to learn (especially when coast & cram have worked before) is tough & needs good teachers as well as a clear you-do-this-for-your-own-solidly-selfish reasons.

His buddies are clearly not a help, but his choice of access may be an interesting indicator in the level of realisation that "you can't cruise & cram This Bunch" was absolute truth.

The teachers may have tried scaring the bejasus out of him - unsucessfully - and so picked on you in raw frustration. This weekend may be the time to Have The Conversation about life choices.
No need to threaten - life and logic will bite him on the tail hard enough. Do lay out what you can do to help & why, and then show the carrot - others have been here, done well & can afford to post on MSE about it. Because we took a long thoughtful look at being dependent on whatever the government hands out, on what the job centres are offering (if you can get the jobs), and the price of electricity. (And because mum offered to try to get me onto her car insurance if I got good marks.)

I'm very keen on motiviation by selfishness & if son wants an Interesting life, studying hard now (yeuch) is worth it for more fun later. Start with a little bribery to promise Some Fun.

Also, Highers are done a year younger than our A level candidates so if it all goes vilely wrong one year, he may have to go back & resit after another year.
That's Darn Sore on the ego, but not actually fatal on the cv. I got my driving licence in the end...

Don't Panic. Do Explain. Offer a simple bribe. Wait for the penny to drop.

tyllwyd

If he is willing to study, but gets overwhelmed, why not try helping him find techniques to concentrate. I like the 'pomodoro' system, where you have a timer set to 25 minutes, and you expect yourself to concentrate in that time (no facebook etc etc) but then you have a break. If he can train himself to concentrate for periods of time, that will help a lot.


Also, have you looked for time planning methods - I've been using 'Wunderlist' for a to do list and 'Tom's planner' for a chart. He might find a visual reminder helps. Oh, and I like 'tickspot' for time tracking - it puts a little stop watch on your desktop which you can start and stop as you work, so that might help him keep track of whether he is putting enough hours in during the week.

Lunar_Eclipse

fletch3163 wrote: »

The crisis we have right now is how I help him plan his study. Des anyone know how to do this?

You've already had good advice about helping him become intrinsically motivated, so I'll try to help with the practical side you asked about.

My eldest is only 13, but she goes to a very high achieving academic school and has had some excellent workshops on studying and revision techniques.

Firstly figure out what his learning preference is. There are three main learning styles: oral, kinesthetic and visual (have a read online if this is new to you), so talk to your son about how he likes to learn. This can help enormously with making study effective, particularly with test & exam revision.

Secondly, does he know how to make good notes in lessons? They should ideally be presented in a way that appeals to the learner. (My) girls are great at this: clear and neat writing, lots of colour, text/bubble boxes, bullet lists, diagrams and pictures. Not too much crammed onto each page. Make up acronyms, raps, poems, slogans etc. I know stationery is much more a girl thing than a boy thing, but both my girls use coloured fine liners in every lesson at school. I'm wondering if your son would enjoy typing up his notes on a computer, making presentations for revision notes etc? DD1 uses online learning tools a fair bit, like BBC bitesize GCSE. I would think there would be useful tools you could find if that method of learning appealed.

Thirdly, planning helps a LOT. Both my girls have a homework planner, a bit like a diary. They write in homework on the day it's given, also on the day in the diary when it's due. Plus test dates. They both write a list of what needs to be done every weekend; DD1 normally has between 4-8 pieces of homework.

DD1 has an annual exam week at school, they issue all the kids with study timetables (just print a calendar off the internet on A4 or A3 paper) and give them guidelines as to how long they should aim to study. It's basically little and often with short frequent breaks. I've read that breaks need to relax the mind, so computer time is the worst thing possible apparantly.

If you buy a study guide for each of your son's subjects, (WHSmith and Amazon have loads!) they break the subject down into topics, so your son can work out, for example, that he has an exam in 4 weeks and needs to learn 16 modules for it. That's 4/week, ie one every two days ish. This enables him to work out a plan detailing his study. Warning: do not get overwhelmed by the plan! Just keep going, doing nothing can never help you succeed.

In terms of revising for exams, studies show active revision is best. It's particularly important for subjects like Maths, where it's all about doing it, not reading about it. Mine read through notes on topics and then attempt some questions. If you answer correctly, you feel great and can then move on. If not, you know you need to do some work on it, instead of finding that out during an exam!

I hope this was helpful and good luck. You can turn this around quite quickly, but your son will need to want to succeed.