HELP - how to help my year 12 son study - PLEASE

Lunar_Eclipse

Tony Buzan's book on Mindmaps is very interesting too. I found a second hand copy on Amazon.

slightlyconfused1

Hi.

The one thing that turned my son around was going to visit a university open day. He was very capable but very lazy and stubborn and, to be honest, feeling very pressured by expectations. He went to visit a uni and decided he really wanted that life. He managed to turn it around and is loving life as a student.

I would add that the pressure to attend uni was coming from his Gran and aunts. I wasn't even aware of it. Every time they spoke to him they would go on about it. We had a long talk, just as I was about to go to parents night funnily enough, and I found out what was going on. My view is that I want my kids to have choices. If he chose to go to Uni or not I would support him but I wanted him to have the choice.

In the end it was his choice to study, nobody could make him. It was also his choice to have the life he has now. I would have a talk with your son and find out what he wants. Explain that if he doesn't try now he is closing off a lot of possibilities. Arrange a visit to Uni or college to see if that is for him.

thorsoak

Has no-one suggested that you take away his on-line facilities?

I do realise that these days it is essential to have a computer in order to do homework/studying - but is there not someway that you can deny his access to computer games/social sites?

tyllwyd

thorsoak wrote: »

Has no-one suggested that you take away his on-line facilities?

I do realise that these days it is essential to have a computer in order to do homework/studying - but is there not someway that you can deny his access to computer games/social sites?

To be honest, as mum to a teenager, I'd say that isn't a long term solution. They need access to the internet, and they will find a way around restrictions. Rather than banning it completely, I think what we need to do is to help them find a way to discipline themselves, so they can find their own balance between work/relaxing.

paulineb_2

Well Im going to say, dont panic. A relative of mine did very well in his standard grades, didnt do so well in his first lot of Highers (one C) and by the time he got to sixth year the penny had well and truly dropped, he actually did a couple of Highers that he hadnt done the O grade in, Economic and Modern Studies as well as English, passed them all and got the grades he needed to get to get into university. And passed his degree.

I didnt do as well as I could have at school. I got 7 O grades, sat five highers, passed 3, sat two the following year, got one and just failed the other and after a blip at college on a course I hated went back to school and did 3 Highers and passed them all with good grades.

I think the jump from O grade to Higher in some subjects is massive. I did French and German at O grade, also did the Highers, if I had my time again Id have chosen Highers such as economics and modern studies, both of which I passed with a B grade despite not having the O grades.

Also, surely there are inbetween stages between standard grades and Highers now. In my day it was O grades, Highers and very little in between, its not like that now.

Plus its November, he's got till May to turn things round. What Highers is he doing if he is in fact doing Highers?

I wouldnt bribe him either. Nor would I confiscate things.

LannieDuck

Make sure he has access to a quiet work area at home, and see if you can structure the day to include an hour's revision time. Agree with your son that he can still do his online gaming, but it needs to be after his homework. Perhaps the evening could go something like:

* In from school, 30 mins relax, snack
* Hour's study, poss in two 30 min chunks?
* Dinner
* Free time

If the whole family reorganises itself around that timetable, it'll be easier for your son to stick to it. If he has siblings, perhaps they could do their homework at the same time? If you have paperwork based chores (accounts / filing?) you could do it while he does his homework.

In terms of planning, sit down with him and find out where he is and where he needs to get to, then work out approximately how much he needs to do each week. I used to find it better to concentrate on one subject per week, rather than having individual days on different subjects, but he may have his own preference. Talk it through with him and see if you can help him come up with his own timetable, so it's not being 'imposed' on him.

paulineb_2

Its also very common for people in Scotland to stay on for a 6th year. And to be honest, the amount of study we are talking about here doesnt need to mean hes chained to the books every night of the week.

In the end if he wants it enough, he'll find a way to get these exams done, even if this year doesnt go so well.

And as much as you want to, you cant make him do anything, well perhaps you can but it might be hard work getting him to that point.

I was 16 when I started my Highers, my brother went to school a year younger than me and started his Highers at 15. Personally I think thats too young, some people might not agree but at 16 my head was into going out with friends and thats the age you are just starting a social life, it can be hard to mix doing the fun stuff you want to do and still realise that you also need to get your studying done.

I was a very lazy student. If I had buckled down in my fifth year life might have been easier but I learned a few lessons along the way and when it mattered I got there. I got my degree, Ive also got 2 post grads that I passed first time and I had to work my butt off to get them. And I didnt find that particularly fun, but the penny does drop that if you do want to get qualifications, you need to put the effort in.

On the other hand, if your son has no intention of further study, its time to have a chat about what he does want to do with his life.

stormbreaker

dragonette wrote: »

He has to want to do it!

This to me says it all.

I have two sons, one very conciencious(sp?) and knows what he wants and works hard for it! The other goes with the flow and can be lazy.

The eldest is now in his final year doing a Masters degree. The youngest said from a young age, I will not be going on to further education. He was very fortunate to get an appenticeship which is right up his street. He is clever enough not to have to work too hard to pass the exams and the majority of the work is hands on learning.

At the end of the day all passing exams gives them are choices on leaving school.

Find out what he wants to do. Given his nature further education might not be for him. Encourage him to get a weekend job working with the public, give him life experience and something meaningful to put on a CV.

It is very frustrating but he could always catch up in sixth year!

Alikay

I'm in England, so we have GCSE's and A levels rather than Highers - am I right in assuming though your son is about 17, and needs the Highers to go on to University, OP?

One of our sons wasn't doing brilliantly in 6th form. Frankly he just didn't want to be there, so rather than bully and badger him in to studying, we let him leave. The proviso was that he had a full time job to go to first, and to his credit he worked hard, and for very little reward initially. There have been a couple of tough times for him but he's weathered the storms and now at nearly 23 he's doing very well for himself as a web designer.

Obviously if the OP's son is generally lazy and lacks direction then it's a different problem, but if he simply has had enough of academic study, maybe a job or apprenticeship might be the answer. University isn't something that can only be done as an 18 year old and many people get loads more out of the experience (and put more in!) after a few years out in the real world.

dragonette

Just had another thought, *if* he wants to go on to uni, check if the courses need a minimum grade set in one sitting. Some do, some don't.

If he doesn't want to, then in all honesty focus on his english and maths. They're the ones that will help him most. Sciences are extremely difficult at Higher, the leap from SGs is painfully large. And we do it one year unlike A levels.

Oh, BBBCC got a me a B.Sc and M.Sc in a professional science field with no re-takes. Universities accept that science Highers are a nightmare and CCC in 3 sciences (maths and computing included) are enough. So it'll be hard work, but not quite panic stations yet