3rd baby?

Kynthia

Person_one wrote: »

If you have a third, will you be able to give all three the kind of life/attention/experiences that you would have given if you'd stayed at 2?

Out of curiosity, would you ask that if someone said they wanted a second child? Every child you have takes time/money/attention away from the existing children, but they also add to the family in other ways.

I was one of three and it's great having a second sibling to go to, chat with and play with. Even as an adult I see a difference with my friends that only have one sibling. We seem to have more get togethers and events, perhaps because there's more of us to organise them or because it doesn't matter if one can't make it. That's not to say I would encourage everyone to have three because it is hard work and more expensive. Hotel rooms when on holiday were more costly as we couldn't always fit in two rooms or a family room, a lot of deals are for families of four and the car was more crowded.

meritaten

30 years ago I had two children and then found out I was pregnant again. I knew I definitely didn't want more so OH had the 'snip'. but, I do NOT regret having No2 Son! although he arrived at the worst possible time - my OH was just beginning a very long lasting 'strike' and we were strapped financially. yes it was 1983 and during the 'miners strike'. my god, that taught me about hardship! but, it also taught me that the children are what families are about. and that because of them you will sacrifice anything.

katym79

Thanks for all your replies- lots of you describe feeling the way I do so that's reassuring. Here's my problem in a nutshell: we have a pretty nice lifestyle, both work full time, enjoy our jobs, not wealthy but we do ok, don't have money worries. My youngest is 2 1/2 so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel of childcare costs, nappies, pushchairs, cot etc. I can probably think of 50 other reasons why having another baby isn't a good idea. I do just have a yearning, I'd say it's almost a physical ache for another little baby. If we went for another though, it's certainly true, we wouldn't have the same quality of life, and we'd struggle to pay for childcare for 3, so I'd have to give up my job. The feelings I have I know are not rational, I really just want to get over feeling like this. I feel very lucky to have the lovely family I've got, and feel another would be selfish really. But I still feel sad when I think that I won't have another.

Girlzmum

My dh and I had always said 3 but after I had my 2 daughters I was very unsure about having any more. This summer when my eldest was 10 and youngest was 7 I gave birth to a little boy and I can honestly say it has been fantastic. With being 10 years older than when I first became a mum I'm much more relaxed and I'm enjoying every second.

That being said - NO MORE!

katym79

Yes, I would never trick hubby into another baby if he was against it.

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

From a blokes point of view : If you want one, can we stop you ?

My sister's ex husband went out and had the snip without telling her.

Which might be why he's an ex?


There is always a logical reason why not to have kids, but lucky for the human race, some chemical in a woman's brain keeps the human race going.

katym79

Everything here(below quote) is exactly what I mean. Having another would without doubt adversely affect our lives.

onlyroz wrote: »

I think you have to consider *why* you want a third. Is it just because you want to hold a cute cuddly baby again, or do you actually want a larger family? For me, I've got a comfortable life-style and a house with a reasonable amount of space. My kids are now at school so I'm not paying nursery fees, and we can afford to go abroad most years. If I had a third child our lifestyle would have to be curbed and I wouldn't have as much time to spend with each child.

I'd suggest that you leave the decision a few months to see if you still feel the same way.

onlyroz

Kynthia wrote: »

Out of curiosity, would you ask that if someone said they wanted a second child? Every child you have takes time/money/attention away from the existing children, but they also add to the family in other ways.

I do think that our society is set up for two-child familes. Firstly, having two children is effectively replicating yourselves, and so you could argue that it is the most "socially responsible" family size. Also, most houses are designed with three bedrooms leaving one for mum and dad to share and one each for the children. Cars are designed to carry four people comfortably and safely, restaurants are layed out with tables set for four. Even ready-meals from the supermarket are designed for four people.

So the expectation, rightly or wrongly, is that people will have two children and then stop. Having any more than this is an indulgence that few people can comfortably afford and so I do think that extra thought is required before committing to having a larger family. I'm not saying that people shouldn't do it, but they should be doing it for the right reasons and should consider all the implications before going ahead.

geoffky

Three is a crowd and the last thing i ever wanted was three children after being the middle one of three...It was too many.

flutterby_lil

We have 2, a boy and a girl and that is enough my OH did say the other day that he is missing our DD who is 20 months being a baby now - we both get broody but cannot afford another so rather than keep getting pregnant and expecting the state to pay, we will stick at 2.

katym79

So, its been 18 months since i posted this. The feelings haven't gone away, which has been pretty unbearable for the past 3 years. All along OH has been saying things like 'when we have another' and 'if we...' It kind of came to head this weekend, when I gave him the ultimatum; try for a baby or go for a vasectomy. He chose vasectomy, and I feel crushed. So, anyone know how to get over this feeling? because it's doing my head in.