3rd baby?

katym79

Hi
This might sound a bit odd, but was wondering if anyone had ever had a longing for a third child, but had decided to stick at 2 and got over the longing? I have 2 lovely children and there's no real compelling reason to have any more, so I'm hoping my broody feelings will go away. Spose what I'm asking is will they go away? Will I regret not having another baby? Does anyone here wish they had gone for the third, or had a third and wished they hadn't?!

Apologies, I'm doing my own head in thinking about this all the time, have felt this way for about a year. Thanks.

Spendless

Yes, I did exactly this. I went through a brief spell of wanting a 3rd child. I had a boy and girl who were nearly 2 and 5 at the time. I told my husband who said if that was what I wanted he was happy with it too, but we had a special hol planned for later that year, one that had been planned for years and I didn't wish to be pregnant for it. A few weeks later and I'd got over the idea of a third. My feelings for another never returned.

The reasons I think I had the feelings in the first place are that a lot of women I knew who had a boy and girl like myself became pregnant with their planned third around this time. I recall being fascinated with myself over if the next one would be a boy or girl.

The reasons I believe I went off the idea are numerous, dislike of pregnancy due to problems with first one we lost, need to have c -sections, space, additional cost of third child, age gap from eldest to youngest (there's 7 years between me and my only sibling and I always said I didn't wish to replicate it).

fluffnutter

Does anyone ever have a compelling reason to have a child? Surely it's just the absence of a compelling reason NOT to have one. You've not elaborated on why you've decided to stick to two. Obviously if you really can't afford one or your OH is strongly opposed, then fair dos. But if not I'm not really sure why you're not going ahead.

daisiegg

You say you have no compelling reason to have a third but surely an intense desire/broodiness to have one is a compelling reason - pretty much the only compelling reason there can be to have a child? As fluffnutter says, it depends on what your reasons are not to have one. I can't speak from personal experience but my parents only really planned to have two children, but my mum ended up desperately wanting a third. She said they used to be out with the first two children and, while they loved us and were happy, she and my dad would look at each other and say 'someone is missing. There is someone who is meant to be here who isn't here!' The feeling didn't go away so they had their third child with a 7 year gap between that and second. As soon as they had the third child they knew the family was complete. So for them, I don't think the longing for a third child would have gone away. There was no reason not to have one, so they did.

Kayalana99

daisiegg wrote: »

You say you have no compelling reason to have a third but surely an intense desire/broodiness to have one is a compelling reason - pretty much the only compelling reason there can be to have a child? As fluffnutter says, it depends on what your reasons are not to have one. I can't speak from personal experience but my parents only really planned to have two children, but my mum ended up desperately wanting a third. She said they used to be out with the first two children and, while they loved us and were happy, she and my dad would look at each other and say 'someone is missing. There is someone who is meant to be here who isn't here!' The feeling didn't go away so they had their third child with a 7 year gap between that and second. As soon as they had the third child they knew the family was complete. So for them, I don't think the longing for a third child would have gone away. There was no reason not to have one, so they did.

I hate you you've even got me thinking about it now!!! :rotfl:

Alikay

We tried to distract ourselves from having a third by getting rid of the cot and pram etc. It didn't work and we had no 3 when the others were 5 and 3. It was the right decision for us, although it was expensive as we had to change the car and move up to a 4 bedroomed house (yes, I know many people manage in smaller, but I didn't want our kids to have to compromise just because of our decision to have another baby).

I love having a bigger family and they've all safely made it to adulthood now, but it IS harder work and it IS more expensive. You may not get many offers of babysitting, no-one will offer to take your kids to school, forget going round to family and friends for a meal....you'll be a bit of a mob, so everyone will expect to come to you, and those worries about "what will happen if I die" will be greater as it'll be harder to keep 3 children together within the family.

We're very glad we did it, but I'm not going to say "go for it" OP, as it is a big decision and you need to know that your finances, support network and energy levels can handle it.

heartbreak_star

My parents couldn't afford a second child despite the fact my mother desperately wanted one, plus they had complications with fertility and lost a baby before they had me.

She said that keeping her "adult identity" and seeing her friends (rather than just being "HBS's mum"), plus the thought of spending several years trying to conceive again helped her get over the broodiness.

HBS x

puppypants

I became pregnant with my third in between us deciding on a vasectomy for my (now ex)husband, and the appointment coming through. This decision was made because I had a bad time having my second and nearly died! I went ahead with the pregnancy and had the same problems as the first time around. Do I regret my third child? Not at all, he is an absolute joy to be around (he's 36 now) and made my life complete. Go for it!! xx

Abbafan1972

I have had this feeling for a while now!

We have 2 girls and I have this occasional longing for a boy (I know this is not guaranteed)!

But DH sometimes winds me up and says "What's your favourite boy's name?"

The things that are against really are the fact we only have a small house, money and the glaringly obvious, our ages, I'm 41 and he's 46.

But I get the feeling this might be our last chance.

If and I mean if, we did have another one and it was a girl, then I wouldn't be disappointed.

Person_one

If you have a third, will you be able to give all three the kind of life/attention/experiences that you would have given if you'd stayed at 2?

Lunar_Eclipse

We decided pre-children to stick with two and like you, I spent a while wanting a third. We didn't do it and yes, I got over the broodiness.

I have always thought though that if we'd had a larger gap between 1 & 2 (it's under 18 months), we might have had a third. As it was, I wasn't ready until DD2 was 3-4, and the age gap then put me off considerably. That got me over my broodiness, plus DH wasn't feeling the need to have more and I wanted private schooling if at all possible. (I almost didn't write that because I know so many on here disapprove or absolutely don't have the choice, but it could easily be something else in the OP's case and highlights any potential financial consideration.)

I don't regret it. But if you want children and are lucky enough to have them, I suspect most people don't really regret it either way if you have already been blessed with them. I don't think not having a third child is a regret in the way that some people feel who desperately want them but aren't able to have any. Or that's my personal pragmatic view on it anyway.