Real-life MMD: My pregnant bridesmaid needs a new dress - who pays?

kad1

Sorry, but the BM should pay for any alterations/new dress as required The bride has kept to her side of the 'deal' and stumped up for the dress. If the BM gets herself into a situation where the dresses have to be altered, then she should sort that out. The bride has already paid once and has enough on her plate.

jasminebro2

If you want to host an event where people have to dress up in special clothing that they wouldn't want to/afford to wear otherwise, then you should pay for it, or let people wear what they feel comfortable in.
Some people seem to forget that this wedding that's so important to them can be a real financial strain for many friends and family who cannot politely refuse to join in.

Marshmallow82

pippinpuss wrote: »

By tradition the bridesmaid pays for her own dress anyway, as they get to keep the dress.
.

Not unless you're American!

Although the bride should not have to buy two, if the bridesmaid puts on/loses weight she should pay for the alterations.

moneyistooshorttomention

happychickie wrote: »

Relegate the pregnant bridesmaid to a minor role - it's your day, not hers!!! Let her keep the dress - she could wear it to her baby's naming ceremony for instance! Choose a lovely small bridesmaid who will look cutesy in your photos instead!

I must admit that when someone says "bridesmaid" I still picture a little girl personally.

I was a little girl personally (ie primary school age) when I was one many years ago. There were just two of us. Both of us little girls of about the same age.

I don't really quite understand the trend for loads of bridesmaids and/or bridesmaids being adult women.

It is certainly a thought that had crossed my mind that if a "bridesmaid" was old enough to be pregnant and had become visibly so by the time of a wedding that it would rather take attention away from the bride herself. People "should" only be focusing on the bride and the bridesmaids are "accessories" and shouldn't be attracting attention of their own for any reason. An adult bridesmaid might attract some of the bride's attention at any point/might even be deliberately trying to in fact (look at those recent newspaper articles about the bottom of a certain person's bridesmaid and, if I were the bride concerned, I would have been smiling at her through firmly-gritted teeth and hoping people would think I was the "better woman" for not sounding-off at her for taking some of "my" attention).

meknowalot-51

You've already had the dresses made and paid for so i suggest get a refund or let someone else take her place.If she wants to pay entirely for the new one and your happy to be stood next to a 5/6 month pregnant woman,then great.Remember it's your day and anything that isn't going to look right needs sorting.You need to set some ground rules on this and here's why,imagine one of them decides to have a lot of piercings on her face,lips nose and eyebrows.Even worse,they decide to shave their head for charity.Your wedding photo's are not going to be the ideal set you were hoping for.A true friend will understand,best wishes to all three of you.

TBagpuss

Unless you bought the first dress without telling the BM you were doing so, (e.g if she knew you's picked the style, but didn't know you'd actually ordered) then it isn't reasonable for her to expect you to buy a second one.

I think you need to sit down and discuss what to do. In particular, does she still want to be a bridesmaid when she is heavily pregnant? Would it be possible for her to participate in a different way, such as by giving a reading?
Is it possible to exchange the dress for a larger size, or a different style which will suit her when she is pregnant? If so, then i think it would be reasonable for her to pay any difference in cost, but you could chose to contribute to the extra costs if you want to.
You can offer her the opportunity to step down in light of her change in circumstances.
I think a lot depends on your relationship - if she is a close enough friend that you asked her to be your bridesmaid, then presumably you both know each other well, and like each other - you should be able to discuss it and come to a compromise you are both happy with.

If you cant', then perhaps you should re-think whether you are close enough that you want her in your wedding.

terill

I don't understand why the dresses were bought so early. If you are providing a free bar at the wedding, she may have had quite a few drinks before. Now she will be on presumably cheaper soft ones so it may even itself out?

gloriouslyhappy

Congratulations - a happy occasion for both of you but as money is obviously an issue, tell her you would be delighted if she would be your maid of honour instead and let her choose another dress she could pay for as long as it fitted into your colour theme, that's if the place you bought all the bridesmaids dresses from won't exchange, have you asked them? Maybe she already has something suitable in mind, and the fabric from the original dress could be made into a jacket or gilet which will help hide the bump, or perhaps a shawl.

If that's not feasible, then your friend might wish to stand down, but the main thing is to talk about it together, after all it is a very exciting - but expensive time - for both of you!

No need to fall out over this, it's a relatively small issue in the grand scheme of things, so keep a smile on your face and if she's a good friend you should be able to talk to her and come to a decision both of you (and your finances) can live with.

Best wishes!

Cabbagewhite

When I got married my Matron of Honour was pregnant, so I chose an empire line dress as I knew quite early on, but it was unplanned (she had gone through many years of unsuccessful fertility treatment). This has a waistband that runs just below the bust. Plenty of material to encompass her as she was quite big by our wedding day. She was the only adult bridesmaid the rest were my daughter and my nieces. They wore the same style. I paid for them - it is traditional in England for the bride's father to pay for the entire wedding (not sure about the rest of the UK).

If you are having the dresses made, just get one done for her in the same material with an empire line waist, which is most likely what your dressmaker will recommend anyway. If you have bought off the peg, you should pay to replace, they could just as easily put on weight over Christmas that they may not lose before the day. You have to decide is she your friend that you want to be part of the ceremony, or just there to make up the numbers and look pretty. It is the kind of falling out that a friendship may not recover from.

Incidentally, the chief bridesmaid is called the matron of honour if she is married, if not, she is the maid of honour.

Edwardia

I would have sacked the bridesmaid if she got pregnant personally.

On the matter of paying, I paid for the bridesmaids dress, shoes and undies chosen by her and my parents paid for the hair do, manicure and make up on the day plus flowers.

OH and I paid for present for her and best man between us.